There. I said it. Some may not agree with me, but drastic times call for drastic measures. November no longer exists; today is merely December-negative-18th to me. Tomorrow is the negative-17th, and so on.
Several factors lead me to this decision. First, I do not even remember the holidays last year. It was just a giant blur of energy, illness, lights and tinsel. We somehow landed squarely in 2012, but I'm not sure how. One thing I do remember: I did not order our holiday cards until December 14. After paying what seemed like hundreds of dollars in rush delivery charges - and then having to stuff, label, and stamp over 200 cards in a matter of 2 days - it just wasn't worth it. Not to mention, the sixteen other things that were calling for my attention also did not get done, and I don't even remember who bought what for Scotty. I think I may have sent Brian out one night to play Santa, but again, it's all a blur. Like childbirth, really. Just with fewer catheters.
Secondly, I had no contingency plan last year. I was sick from the half-marathon and then Scotty came down with the Plague the following week. My ship was completely sunk at that point, as I became more nursemaid that holiday elf. Everything I had put off suddenly got pushed back another week - and then another week - which literally sent me into a tailspin the week of Christmas.
And finally, after studying this year's calendar, we have no less than nine - 9! - events, starting from December 1 to December 23. That doesn't not even include the actual holidays of Christmas and New Year's. There are only eight weekend days between 12-1 and 12-23. We are double and tripled booked. And all of them but one require heels. I'm tired just thinking about it.
So this year, I'm taking the bull by the hours. I refuse to be the crazy lady fighting the lines at the mall on December 23rd or crying to Tiny Prints representatives days before Christmas. I've determined that someone (Greeks? Romans? Mayans?) gave us a full thirty days from the end of Halloween to the start of December, and therefore, I must to use those days wisely.
Some of you may be thinking, "What about Thanksgiving?" I love turkey (mmm) and cranberries (ahh) and stuffing (num-num!) as much as the next guy. But in all fairness, a day dedicated to food and football and laying on the couch is quite honestly the last thing I need. We have too much to do. Thanksgiving has been renamed "The Day Before Our Christmas Decorations Go Up," and Black Friday is glowing hallmarker that December is negative eight days away. And by the way - Thanksgiving is next Thursday. NEXT THURSDAY. How crazy is that?
So far, I've gotten the Christmas cards done and ordered. I've purchased the stamps and stickers for the cards, and our address list is 75% complete. (there is a certain pleasure that comes with crossing people off your list, no?) The outdoor lights went up today. I've finished several easy crafts for the holidays (brief tutorial on the picture below will be posted later this week. And help me decide, are the letters cute or heinous? I can't tell at this point). I've already planned the menu for the holiday party I'm hosting and all of the vendors are confirmed. Thanks to Nordstrom's half-yearly clearance sale, I have all nine dresses picked out - with coordinating accessories and shoes, including appropriate Spanx selections- and set aside in the closet, labeled accordingly. (no, not all 9 are new but that sale certainly helped to shake things in the closet up a bit!) I am setting my alarm and going to try my hand at being one of those Black Friday shoppers (tips are appreciated!!) Childcare is confirmed for all of the parties and yes, I have a contingency plan in place this year (in the form of my loving mother. Thanks, Mom!)
I'm making a list and checking it twice; the holidays this year better be calm and nice.
Every tiny moment I can squeeze into the day has been dedicated to getting all of this crap - I mean, fun stuff, done before December 1. Yes, you heard it here. December 1 is my deadline.
And I will make it. As God as my witness...I will make it.
Now, I'm off to bake cookies and twist some pipe cleaners into candy cane shapes. What - are you still reading this? Go get some of your own holiday stuff going! Buck up and start working!
Happy holidays everyone.