Considering my entire day has been a whirlwind of emails, phone calls, and one particularly destructive play-date (Sorry, Deana's house), I answered the phone, "Heavens to Betsy. What?"
Poor Brian. He kind of snorted and then replied, "Well, I just wanted to let you know I've not blown up yet. They've sealed off the entire downtown area because of a bomb threat, but I bet that doesn't hold a candle to any Junior League drama or blog drama."
Technically...he's right. There's a bomb scare downtown like, once a month. We can't freak out every time they seal off a building and drag out the bomb-sniffing dogs. No work would ever get done.
But ever the dutiful wife, I clicked over to a news station website and read yes, the Foley Federal Building is on lock-down due to a bomb threat.
But he's fine...right? And the threat was at like, 12:13pm. Practically two hours ago. Old news, really.
I have a blog to write. Let's get to it...
Ben, Ben, Ben...he's a smart one. He must have studied all of the past seasons since he's playing the game correctly (or at least, was, until he fell for the MODEL. Isn't that the first rule of "The Bachelor"? Never fall for the model! They are not human! Don't trust the prettiest girl, and whatever you do, never, ever give them the one-on-one date. Because they will eat your brains and put you under their spell.)
Anyways, aside from breaking the model-rule (more on that later), Ben was savvy enough to either tell producers or suggest to producers that he didn't want to do the typical LA dates. No scaling skyscrapers, no posh dinners, no crazy-make-believe-dates that have zero carry-over in the real world. I like the fact he brought them to Sonoma which just so happens to be his home town. I really like the fact that the dates were ridiculously low-key: walking around Sonoma's downtown district; hanging at the town square with a bunch of kids, dinner next to a tree after a date by a river. No glamour, no need to wear ill-fitting satin dresses, and no "fantasy" dates that involved spa treatments or chauffeur-driven limos. Just Ben, his dog, and a bunch of redwoods, driving himself in a big ole Jeep. It was a refreshing change.
First one-on-one date went to Kacie B, who when they pronounce her name, sounds more like Kaciebee. It's a cute little name for a cute girl - a girl with naturally curly hair! Holy moly! She better keep that frizz under control when Ben is looking because that is a mop if I've ever seen one. She's a gorgeous girl...but thank heavens for the invention of the flat iron.
Kacie has some serious clout in this game - she's definitely smitten with Ben, and Ben with her. They had a fairly serious first date (old video of their childhoods? Kinda deep, don't you think?) and some major fireworks. I'd say Kacie has a shot at going all the way, but Bachelor history would tell me otherwise. I'd like to bring in Jillian and Jake (first date at the cowboy store), and Ashley and Brad (carnival date). Both were first dates and both flamed out. And - interestingly enough - both went on to become the next Bachelor/Bachelorette. So maybe if Ben doesn't pick Kaciebee, America will. (insert collective "awww" here.)
For the group date, Ben took 300 women to the town square to participate in a play written by children. God bless the man, and the women, because I would have had zero patience with this date. The kids were cute, yes, but I hate plays and hate live acting (particularly if I have to be on stage.) I'd like to reference my brief stint as "Suzy Snowflake" in my kindergarten Christmas play as ruining live theater for me for the rest of my life.
But these women managed to do it - act like a weasel, be a dragon, act like a fool, etc. And yes, Kris, Blakely's corsetted romper was laughable. The best part of that whole part was listening to the children describe it - and then the little boy at the end says calmly, "I had no problem with it." I'm wondering if there was a wardrobe malfunction or if production had the children sign a waiver agreeing to pay for their own therapy in the event one (or both) of Blakely's boobs burst free during her audition.
The ladies managed to put on the strangest live-action production known to man. (did you notice them sipping some kind of Rose pre-stage time? I would have need to crawl into the bottle to do that). And all of the on-stage kissing? And Ben ripping off his costume? There are children present! Sonoma, I don't know what kind of town you are, but you are making Vegas look downright saintly.
Blakely managed to get the rose on the group date by flouncing around in a teal, ruffled bikini and sucking Ben's face off while in the pool. It was uncomfortable for everyone - me, Jennifer the accountant, that blond chick who's name I don't know yet - to watch. And Blakely's actions really pissed Samantha off. This is my question: how bad do you have to act to upset an Advertising Account Manager from LA? Answer: pretty badly. And Blakely, Ye of the VIP Cocktail Waitress status, did just that.
While all of this group drama was going down, Courtney managed to seriously piss off the one girl who probably has the longest fuse in the house: Kaciebee. She made a snide comment when she got her date card, something along the lines of, "How does that taste coming out of your mouth?" after Kaciebee very nicely read the date card out loud. You could just watch the anger rise in Kacie - kind of like watching Bambi get mad. It started slowly, then a boil, then she began glowering at her. Off camera, she said, "She is NOT a nice girl" rather emphatically. You tell 'em, Kacie.
Ben and Courtney headed out the woods for their date (never let them take you to a second location, Ben!!) and I'm just happy he returned in one piece. Courtney put on the whole 'I'm a nice girl but just haven't found the right guy' act and Ben fell for it hook, line and sinker. Courtney is not a Michelle Money kind of bad girl; I don't think there's an ounce of self-deprecating humor. I think she takes herself very, very seriously, which is weird, since she has that goofy mouth. She really should learn to laugh at herself and be nice to others. Looks fade, Courtney. Get a personality.
When Ben kissed Courtney and the dog whimpered, Ben accused the dog (Scoff? Scotch? Who caught his name?) of ruining the moment. "No Ben!" I screamed at the TV. "He's trying to warn you! Get out of there!!"
He didn't listen. Courtney got a rose.
I will admit, I totally tuned out during the pre-rose ceremony drama. I have a new game on my phone called Hungry Shark that is really addictive. I looked up, however, to find Blakely in the corner and Jenna in bed. Huh? While I'm curious, I dont' want to know. Actually, I'm not curious. I don't really care at this point.
Going home this week: Jenna and that girl from AZ with the really bad two-toned hair. The producers agreement with Ben to keep Jenna around for the drama probably expired. There wasn't (or I missed it?) a lot of drama between Monica and Jenna this week. Just a lot of Blakely hating.
As for next week, it looks as though Lindzi and Rachel get the one-on-one dates. Gotta hand it to Ben - he's a straight shooter. Those two, combined with Kaciebee and Courtney, could easily go all the way. We just need to hope Courtney's wicked spell on Ben breaks soon.
Okay, let me know your thoughts! I love writing about this and can't wait to hear what you have to say! Though I should probably call my husband back...