In the sake of fairness, I need to report that I did not watch his season (which apparently was the comment du-jour of the night, poor guy.) Because if you are like me and had to Google him, he's the guy that spurned both Jenni and Deanna and somehow earned him the reputation of the most hated guy in America. I thought that belonged to Wes? I don't fault the guy for not picking either girl; I mean, how is that worse than say what the English guy did by picking Lorenzo Lamas' daughter, showing up at about 12 red carpet events, and then breaking up oh-so-unceremoniously? Or any other Bachelor for that matter. The only Bachelor to find "true love" on the show was Jason, who just recently married Molly - but not before breaking up with Melissa on national television. (yes, we all know the Trista and Ryan story, but she was the Bachelorette, not the Bachelor.)
Love is a messy, messy thing.
And yet, Brad spent three years in therapy, hashing out his issues and trying to get the root of all evil. (It was the 'I leave before you leave' scenario, ultimately, as a result of an absentee father.)
Anyways, just to keep everyone up-to-date on the Bachelor history, let's remember that Deanna went on to be the Bachelorette and she picked that weird surfer dude but broke Jason Mesnick's heart, who became the next big B and picked Molly (after that whole Melissa nastiness), and his season introduced us to Jillian (loved her!) who picked Ed who had trouble in the bedroom ("he was sunburned...and tired...and hungry." Um...okay) but spurned Jake who later became the Bachelor and despite his good looks and white teeth, he was really a psycho who argued with Vienna in front of a very concerned Chris Harrison and Tenley ended up falling in love with Kiptyn but not before Ali (Yellow Ali, as I dubbed her) was the Bachlorette and picked Roberto and left the lovely Chris L heartbroken with his plaid couch with his dead mother and adorable golden retrievers.
Did he have a golden retriever or am I making that up? It's all starting to blur together.
Whew. I really need to turn off the TV.
The point here: Brad's second season brings us full circle.
And I'm guessing the producers went through several possible subtitles, much like Jake's "On the Wings of Love" or the English's guy (what was his name??) "London Calling!." Here are Brian's and my guesses:
The Bachelor: What I Learned in Therapy
The Bachelor: The Flogging of Brad Womack
The Bachelor: Damn the Yankees
(was it me or did every girl with a Southern accent get a rose?)
The Bachelor: I Forgot my Anxiety Meds in the Limo; Please Don't Yell at Me Tonight
(the last one is my favorite)
Okay, let's get to the good stuff: the ladies. Um...wow. Was it me or did they intentionally set up the beautiful, widowed Southern Belle to be the last story, and then always play that cheesy music every time she was on screen? I get it, I get it: Emily organizes fundraisers at a children's hospital. She lost the love of her life in a plane crash and found out she was pregnant right after the funeral. She has impossibly slender legs. Yes, we get it: she's perfect. She is the Tenley of this season (or is Keltie?? Keltie is super bubbly but Emily has a great tan. I call this one a draw.)
But it's clear to say that Michelle (?), the hairdresser from Utah, is the villian. Madison, Ye of the Fangs, must have missed the bus to the VH-1 studio and somehow winded up on squeaky-clean ABC and then pretended to bite Brad's neck as he inexplicably offered her a rose. Ashley the Dentist looks just like Ashley the One who Dressed up Like a Flight Attendant from Jake's season and looks mindlessly needy. I was surprised Alli, aka Booty Girl ("A guy broke up with me because he said my booty wasn't petite enough!") got a rose, and ditto for both Chantels (or Shawntel, depending on your preference). But good-bye, blond girl in the black dress who looks like a cross between Kristin Cavalleri and Kim from Real Housewives of Atlanta. As Brian commented, "You watch so much reality TV that you are actually starting to compare all of them."
Yes, I get it. I need to turn off the TV. But as I told him, this is research for the blog...
But our bachelor stayed the course and tried really, really hard to convince everyone he has changed. I'm surprised Thomas Parker PhD didn't make a surprise appearance during the cocktail party. You could tell Chris Harrison was getting increasing uncomfortable as Brad blathered on about how he's changed, what he's learned, etc, and Chris was probably motioning to the producers, "Send in the therapist! He's been talking for three hours!" I am happy, however, that therapy got the national spotlight and I'm sure Dr. Parker's phone is probably ringing off the hook right now.
Okay friends, let's make some predictions: who has legs? I'm putting money on Emily the coal-miner's daughter and Michelle from Salt Lake City. I think Lindsay is a wild card, only because she's from Texas, too. What about Nanny Ashley who got the first impression rose? Thoughts? Comments? Is Brad going to have a breakdown this season? Have we seen the last of Jenni and Deanna? Does Chris Harrison want to have dinner at my house?