The Bachelor: Therapy Helped Me A Lot, Y'all
The Bachelor: How Many More Ways Can The Producers Torture Emily?
(that last one is obviously a reference to next week's episode at the race track...I mean, really? Really? Who vetted this girl and then who set up Brad's "dream" dates? Did anyone think that perhaps she would not be a good person to take to on a motor speedway, considering the love of her life was a race car driver? What will the next date be - touring wreckage from a plane crash? Perhaps a romantic picnic in a cemetery?)
Anywho, back to this week's episode. It's almost impossible to stop coming up with tag lines for this season's Bachelor - could turn into a fun drinking game, too - since Brad just keeps plowing along, using the same tired phrases and psychobabble. "I'm a changed man," he said about 8 times. We know Brad, we know. "I'm not giving up on her [insert name of random Bachelorette]." What does that even mean? You know you can only pick one in the end, right? Or is this the polygamist version of the Bachelor?
(oh, I could only dream)
The first date kicked off with Chantal, Ye of the Face Slapping, and Brad going on an underwater date. While Chantal bemoaned her fears of deep water, she clearly was not afraid of dirty water. (eww...) They then got comfy on giant sofa-things on the beach and discussed Chantal's divorce. Again, I'm going to hand it to a Bachelorette who's gone through the big D and is still looking for love; marriage, for them, isn't going to be wine and roses. They already know that. And I was fairly impressed with Chantal's apparent ease in which she grasps that concept, yet still believes in the institution. Brad told her she keeps him on his toes, and they snuggled for awhile. They finally retreated into one of the the little cabanas for more kissy-face due to the rain while I sat and worried about the duponi silk throws that were getting wet. (they were very pretty, no?) Chantal got a rose and all was good in the hood.
On the group date, Brad dragged the ladies to a radio station so their group therapy session could be broadcast for all to hear. Since I'm not a listener of Sirius radio, I have no idea who Mike is, but I'm definitely familiar with Dr. Drew (and love him, since he usually remains on-topic and mostly professional.) Did anyone notice the girls were holding beverages prior to going on the air? Again, while I know understand the show is for entertainment and not real therapy, I still have to raise a little red flag and say that therapy and alcohol don't mix. Imbibing before a session is probably not going to be helpful. And when that session is meant for hundreds of thousands of people to listen to, I'd probably go light on the vodka Red Bulls. I think Stacey the Bartender must have done a beer bong or something before putting her headset on, since she was the only one who raised her hand when Dr. Drew asked if anyone had ever cheated. She blamed it on college, but you could tell Brad just mentally checked her off his list of potential wives. Poor Stacey.
During the next segment, the girls splashed around in the hot tub while Brad spoke to each one for 2.3 seconds. It appeared they were having a contest called "Who Can Interrupt the Alone Time Faster?" And the winner is...Ashley H! And yes, I may or may not have tuned out during this part since the iPad was close by and my camera is currently broken (hence no recent Bear photos) and the Canon Rebel T1i is on sale at Best Buy...but based on my limited viewing, it appeared Ashley H is starting to lose it a little? Creepy, much? Ashley doesn't like cavities or other women kissing her man, so she broke up Britt and Brad's snog. Bummer. Britt still snagged a rose, and I now pronounce her this season's Dark Horse for the Final Rose. Seems like a long shot, but she's been slow and steady through this whole process.
Michelle, of course, sat at the mansion and lamented how all of these girls are wrong for Brad. Is that because you buy your warm-up hoodies at Costco? (anyone else catch that?) During their one-on-one date, Brad had the opportunity to push Michelle off of a very tall building but didn't, so instead they rappelled down the side as she toted the company line. "It's all for love!" "Love makes this possible!" "Our love is keeping us strong!" Okay, those may not be exact quotes, but re-watch it and tell me she's not the best salesperson you've ever met. Every syllable that came out of her mouth was strategic, and I'm willing to bet she doesn't even have a fear of heights (again, strategry.) I also bet she does a terrible job cutting hair in Utah, yet walks out of the salon with the most in tips. There's something very terrifying about her pushiness. And Brad just keeps eating it up.
Finally, on to the rose ceremony. Are you bored yet? I kind of was. There are still several women who's names I don't even know, and yet they are still around. Ashley H still got a rose since Brad is afraid of her, and Emily not only got a rose but also a make-shift picnic. The other girls sat around and bitched about Brad not giving them "presents," while Emily just smiled her sad smile and accepted the glass of wine he offered her and talked about her daughter. I know her name is Ricky, but I keep calling her "Ricky-Bobby" in my head. So wrong.
In the end, it was Meghan of NY, Lindsay of Texas, and Stacey the Bartender sent home. Considering again that the three of them amounted to about 4 seconds of actual air time (with the majority going to Michelle, Chantal, Emily, and a little slice to Ashley H), was anyone surprised? And while I think that Emily may be a top-two contender, I don't think she ends up with Brad. I think she is going to be the hands-down favorite for the next Bachelorette. So who does Brad pick? Jaime Greene or Dr. Drew. Those are my bets.