In my mind, it was intended to be, "The Idea of Giving Up." Based on the numerous comments, messages and one very worried phone call from my mother, I realize now it read more like, "I Am Giving Up." No worries, friends. I haven't chucked my running shoes yet. Short of a catastrophic incident, I will run next Saturday.
I meant the entry to read more like a call to action, a battle cry for all us fall racers toeing the line in the next few months. Kind of like, "You can do this! We're all in this together!" I think we all go through periods of wanting to give up, regardless of your goal. Even the big names -- Deena Kastor almost opened a bakery instead of pursuing a running career, for pete's sake. Instead, she can hang her lovely bronze Olymipic medal next to the homemade scones.
Whether it's St. George, Chicago, NYC or a local race, we know the actual race is simply the icing on the cake. (mmm, cake). It's enduring the 12, 15, 18 weeks of hard training before you ever pin your bib on that count; that's where the real mettle lay.
I realize now my last entry sounded more like a cry for help. It wasn't and was never intended to be. I'm good - really. Maybe a wee bit stressed, but good. Like those final few days before you have a baby, and everyone is like, "Hi! Hello! How ARE you? When is the baby coming? Is the baby coming now? How big do you think the baby will be? Why is the baby not here yet?" And you smile while your blood pressure goes up and you realize you just want to be home alone scrubbing the baseboards. The anticipation is the worst part. This is why they call it taper madness. I'm not even IN the taper yet and I feel all over the place. Someone needs to rename the last month of pregnancy "Taper Month" and market that shit.
As for the outcome of the race -- it's good. It really is. It will be. Regardless of what that number is, I guarantee you: the sun will still rise on Sunday. Trust me. I'll make it. If I hit it, great, let's celebrate - and be prepared for the longest, most nonsensical blog entry on Monday because I'll be drunk on endorphins and most likely just drunk in general. If I don't make my goal, that's okay too. It's a cocky, brazen, audacious objective. If I fail, I will likely cry, retreat to a corner, lick my wounds for a bit, and then come back stronger because I'll be super pissed off. I say that because I know it; LA taught me that. I hated running LA but I needed LA. I needed to get my ass kicked to know what changes to make. Out of all the races I've done, my first half marathon in 2011 and LA have been my most valuable - yet my worst. Celebrate the good races, learn from the bad ones.
As for numbers, yes, I'm very aware of mine. I've crunched my splits, examined elevation gains and losses, and played around with my VDOT score more times than I can count. I showed Brian how to read a marathon pace chart last night (he was not impressed). I know that this is going to be a close one. I'm going to run as hard as I can. But - if George doesn't work out, I have a plan B. Of course I do. I'm me.
(and a plan C, D, and E. Helloooo.)
With that said, I certainly appreciate all the kind comments and support. This has been a learning moment for me as a writer more than anything! Sorry for any worry, consternation or upset I may have caused. We're gonna make it!
Now -- hopefully we're all back on the same page -- let's talk about FOOD! Not cake, but pie (kind of). I love smoothies; I could drink them all day. I've been toying around with this one for awhile, and with the change in seasons, it's particularly fitting. Who doesn't love pumpkin pie? Pair it with a side of dried cranberries and pretend it's November. Enjoy!
Pumpkin Pie Protein Smoothie
1 scoop vanilla Vega protein powder
½ frozen banana
1 cup pumpkin puree
1 cup unsweetened coconut milk
1 cup almond milk
1/3 cup water
¼ tsp nutmeg
½ tsp cinnamon
1 slice fresh ginger
Blend until smooth. Yum!