Well, I just dropped Jen and Rowan off at the airport (and into the expecting arms of Jen's mom - aka Grandma - who also flew out with Jen to enjoy some quality Vegas recreation) and I'm sad. It's so exciting to have an old friend in town and it's so tough to see them go. As I remarked to Jen at one point during our visit, "It's so nice that we can talk about people/things without constantly having to reference or give background on the story! You have pretty much been there for all of the major experiences in my life since the age of 18."

It's hard to find people like that, and when you do, you hate to watch them board a plane and travel 1800 miles away.

It was a typical Jen/Kim week. We lost a cell phone (hers, not mine.) We almost sucked the will to live out of our children by accidentally driving around in 110 degree heat in a car with poor AC (don't worry, everyone is fine. And cool again.) We giggled uncontrollably at stupid jokes and old memories. We managed to avoid singing any old sorority songs (much to Brians' disappointment - ha!)  We also hosted a (well, what like to consider) fabulous BBQ  - a first for the new house - and Jen was thoughtful enough to not ruin my perfect party platter by snacking on a few tidbits before the guests arrived. She knows me well enough that she wouldn't dare steal pita chips from the actual platter, but instead, helped herself to some from the bag. (yes, I really am that much fun to hang out with.)

I even forced Jen to watch some of my reality TV fluff. She had, inexplicably, never seen a single episode of 'The Bachelorette' or 'The Bachelor.' (she refers to USWeekly as a 'smut magazine,' which baffles me.) So Brian and I (mostly me) tried to explain to her how the show works - roses are handed out to the guy/girls that person likes, other people are sent home, there is a lot of hot tub action and public making out. Poor Jen looked unbelievably confused. And as a reality show virgin, she was clearly not used to the awkwardness of some of the more 'real' moments on the show (read: Craig R's date with Ali) and was practically crawling off the couch in pure horror. "How can you guys watch this?" she wanted to know. Brian, of course, agreed with her (he ates 'The Bachelorette') but I was like, "What? You're not used to watching people air their dirty laundry on national television?" It did make me stop and think, though, about how far TV has come (gone?) in recent years.

The days just flew by, and it was so nice to have such a fun person to chat with. It made me think - maybe polygamy isn't such a bad idea? I mean, there we were: two babies, one in utero, happily playing with the kids, bathing them, feeding them, taking them out for ice cream (ours, not theirs.) This whole sister-wife thing is kind of a good idea. Jen washed the bottles while I wrote out the bills. There was always someone there to watch the kids while one of us took a phone call or checked our email. Aside from sharing one's husband, I think sister-wives are a marvelous idea. Sign me up. Because it means less chores and more conversation.

I'm not going to say much about Rowan's trip to Vegas (he did come out there for his birthday, after all), but he will have his own blog entry. Complete with pictures. Here's just a idea of what's in store:

So, whatever. I'm done talking about purple monsters. After purchasing my body weight in throw pillows yesterday afternoon, I came to realization that things can always be worse. So, be happy. I also realized that triangulating with color (thank you, David Bromstad of 'Color Splash' on HGTV) is a great way to perk up an otherwise very normal looking sofa. I love my three red pillows.

And with that, I'm not going to think or write about it anymore. Instead, I am going to focus on the fact that Jenna will be landing in Vegas in t-minus 25 hours (squeal!!!!!!!). I am also concentrating on preparing the guest room, making sure her bathroom is clean, and baking an apple pie for Sunday. Yay for apple pie.

Have a great weekend!

So I  had planned to write this long blog entry about weight loss (or the last thereof...) since the big wedding is only 30 days away, but another situation has sucked away all of my time and attention for the last two days. And I cannot even begin to describe how freakin' annoyed I am that once again, this situation has come into our lives and we are forced to deal with it. I'm not going to detail here since lord knows who is reading this, but I will say this - I am sick to death of a certain person who will not leave us alone. Get a life. Leave us alone. Please. You are a big, fat, purple monster.

This is on top of a baby who randomly decided to nap strike today - and I'm talking full-on, blow-it-out-of-the-water, I'm not sleeping, 'nothin-no-way, no-how, nap. I'm half surprised that Scotty didn't stick his tongue out at me at one point, when I checked on him for the one millionth time.

I'd like to think I would be in the right state of mind to handle a nap strike, but due to the aforementioned situation, I am not. So I am leaving. I am putting Scotty in the car, we are going to Pier One and we are going to look at throw pillows to pass some time until he decides to go sleepy-time tonight. And maybe I'll smell some candles, too. I need a little bit of serenity now.

Grrr....

Ah...the Bachelorette. Welcome back.

After a self-imposed hiatus, it felt good to flip the channel to something so familiar -- roses, drama, silly love poems. Butchering the Icelandic language within an inch of its life. An alleged bachelor with a **gasp** girlfriend. (haven't we seen that storyline enough?) Reality TV is the marshmallow fluff of my life...fun and delicious in small amounts. And it was nice to not have to watch intensely gripping dramas ('Breaking Bad') or heart-wrenching season finales ('LOST'). Bring on the fluff, thankyouverymuch.

I had originally decided to skip this season mainly because I don't think Ali makes a good bachelorette...she's bland, she has a tendency to be whiny, and she's about as interesting as watching paint dry. Which is why I think producers decided to up the exotic locations, in an effort to make Ali seem far more interesting than what she really is. I mean, I caught the last 30 minutes of last week's show while they were filming in New York, and I will say, it didn't come across as the glamorous, Bethenny-Frankel-Carrie-Bradshaw-New-York-is-my-playground kind of city. It looked...like a big city. That was kind of dirty.  So congrats, Ali, you've managed to dull the shine of one of the most fabulous cities in the world.

Anyways, this week found White Bread and her guys in Iceland - I'd tell you what city, but I have no idea. It started with an R and probably had a lot of 'j's,' 'i's,' and 'e's' in it. And clearly Ali is so boring that they had to drag out kooky hats for the guys to wear, since that was the most interesting part of the whole first hour.

Although I will say - Brian developed an instant man-crush on Kirk. Only because he is from Green Bay, Wisconsin. And during Ali's question and answer session about Kirk's mysterious past, Brian decided to fill in the answers for him: "I'm heart-broken because of the playoffs in 2001...and 2004...and did you see that interception in 2007...." Brian, of course, believes that much of Kirk's angst is directly related to the Packers' plight in the playoffs for the last ten years, not the toxic mold that he ingested as a college student five years ago. And can I just say...toxic mold? Really? I thought that was an urban legend.

Anyways, the show limped along after Ali and Kirk's one-on-one date. The group date was weird - riding ponies to go hike through a cave - but Ty stepped up and got the rose since he was showing off his mad pony skills. I'm not quite sure who or what Justin 'Rated-R' is - or what that even means - but he was fairly confident that he could oust crazy Kasey from their two-on-one date. Way to go, Justin. Honestly, if you thought Kasey had even a fighting chance, that is disturbing. Especially since Justin got to lounge supinely on the ice couch (in the ice cave, resplendent with candles and a fur-covered throw) while Kasey was forced to sit in the snow, exposed to the elements, with only his crazy tattoo to keep himself warm. And while I don't think anyone in America disagrees with Ali's decision to let him go, it was pretty tough to watch the guy be left on a glacier while Ali and Justin flew off on their helicopter. Cold, Ali. Cold. (no pun intended).

I'll admit -- the rest of the pack is hard for me to separate at this point. As I stated earlier, they all look alike. They must buy stock in the same hair gel or something. And they remind me of a litter of puppies, scrambling over each other to get to Ali's side to lick her face. So, in honor of my dog analogy, I was able to jot a few notes down during the show last night (mainly to help me tell them apart) and create what I consider their 'puppy personalities:'

Most trainable pup: Frank

Most likely to pick up the newspaper in the morning from your driveway, and carry his own poop bag on a walk:  Ty

(fyi: my parents' dog Zephyr actually does this. On walks, he will carry his own doogie-doo-doo in a plastic bag so my mom doesn't have to. It's both amazing and slightly unsettling).

Most likely to eat bad dog food and get really sick as a result, making you pay outrageous vet bills:  Kirk

Friskiest:  Justin

Most likely to bury bones in the yard: Chris L (he's a landscaper...)

Most likely to scratch at your door all night, begging to be let in:  Kasey

Best looking pup: Roberto

Most likely to get lost and no one would notice for several days:  Chris N

and finally,

Best in Show goes to...Chris Harrison, for his armchair psychologist moment. ("I think you are afraid of falling in love.") Thank you, Chris Harrison, for keeping things real.

Puppies aside, I do think Frank, Ty and Kirk have legs to go all the way. I think Ty will likely finish third, with the top two being Frank and Kirk. And I think she'll pick Frank. He's intense enough to keep her interest, but funny enough to break the tension.

Your thoughts??

Not sure where the time is going, but I cannot believe it's already Monday. We had a **great** weekend, complete with grilling out, a Harry Potter movie (Brian actually suggested it - yay!) and lots of snuggly Bear time. Although Scotty did inexplicably melt down while skyping with my parents -- and as soon as we turned off the computer, he calmed down. Silly kid.

I hope Brian had a great first Father's Day - I gave him the day off, sent him to the golf course with a friend, and then had dinner ready (complete with coconut cream pie for dessert) for them when they got home. I cooked a pork shoulder in 3 cans of Coca-Cola for 20 hours in the crock pot and then whipped up a bbq glaze. Seriously, I just need to don an apron and a string of pearls and the stereotype would be complete.

This week, we are focusing on the creation of our wet bar, planting some container flowers, and preparing for the arrival of Jen & Rowan on Saturday. Yes, you read that correctly - my dearest friend is willing to travel on a plane for more than 2+ hours with an eleven month old while 6 months pregnant to see us. In the middle of Las Vegas summer. You really don't get better friends than that (especially since I declared I will never visit the Midwest during the wintertime ever again). Jen is a trooper.

Jen and I are planning to kick back for a few days, watch our boys play together, and catch up. We have what we call an 'on-going conversation.' Jen calls me several times a week at 2:45pm, just as she is headed out of work and to pick up Rowan. We are usually able to talk for about 15 minutes until she gets to the daycare, at which point we have to pause our conversation for the moment, and pick it up during the next phone call. I am hoping with a four day visit pending, we'll be able to actually FINISH a conversation and perhaps start a new one.

Oh, and in terms of our wet bar, I think I'm starting to get a little ahead of myself. It started out innocently enough -- I watched insane amounts of HGTV in preparation for the new house. Then I watched real contractors in action and realized -- hey! They can do what the guys on TV do. For just a nomial fee! And so now...I am contractor-happy. I love calling to get quotes and estimates. You want to come over and measure my walls? Sure! What time works for you? I'll be here. Marinating a pork shoulder.

Anyways, our wet bar (again, creating this from the ground up) will include new cabinets, a wine fridge, glass shelving, a mirrored back, a sparkly back splash, and glass-paneled doors. I'm out of control, I know. The recessed lighting was installed on Friday (along with those lovely mini-pendants) and I am just itching to recreate my next space. By the time I'm done, every surface in the new house will glitter, reflect, or shine appropriately. And of course, function as a usable space as well.

Oprah once said that your house should "rise up to meet you," and I'm trying to get this house to rise. I just hope our budget rises to the occasion, too. :-) (ha! Brian, work harder. Just kidding.)

[not really.]

Hope you all are having a great Monday! Will blog about Ali on the Bachelorette probably tonight or tomorrow.

The Bear and the Benjamuffin are ten months old today! So exciting. Scotty and Ben exchanged text messages earlier in the day, wishing each other well. Ben was noshing at a chicken sandwich from Wendy's (mom and dad are en route to Wisconsin for the weekend) and Scotty was, of course, holding on to his little blue brush. Good to see the boys are growing up.

Some shots from our photo session:

So far, the pictures haven't been that hard to take. Scotty is still very sedentary, though he loves pulling himself up on every thing. He also has this 'fake crawl' as displayed in the third photo -- but he doesn't actually go anywhere. And I'm not complaining about that...because my life is 100x easier when I can plop him down and not find him in another room chewing on electrical cords. (I have a feeling that is right around the corner).

He is also such a ham. I don't know where he gets this from (cough, cough), but the minute he sees a camera, he starts grinning and cheesing as though I was paparazzi. You'd think he was trying to be the next Zoolander. What a little pork chop.

And finally, speaking of electrical cords...we had a lovely visit from an electrician today and the mini-pendants are finally up! Rejoice! Enjoy the photos...and your weekend!

Brian is not a fan of the water and I think I might be part fish. Combined, this gives us...a bear in the water. Check out Scotty's first adventures with his new pool. And in typical Bear-form, he was cautious at first but ended up really enjoying himself.

Assembling the pool. Scotty give us his take as does Po-Po, the Polar Bear.

Inspecting the pool once it's in the yard:

What is this strange contraption that water pours out of?

Some familiar faces were there to join in:

Thinking...thinking...thinking...processing my feelings about this odd-looking blue structure...

I like it! Yay, water!!

And of course, the inevitable..."No, Momma! I don't wanna get out!"

Happy one year blog-o-versary...to me!

One year ago, while hugely pregnant and very sad to be on bedrest, The Bed Rest Book Club was born. I really owe all of the credit to my brother-in-law Jake who among other things, is very smart and handy with a computer. He liked that I was posting book reviews as my status on Facebook, and helped me find a website that would help me create my own site. So, thank you Jake!! You are the best brother-in-law a gal could ask for.

Since that inaugural post, I've had more than 37,000 hits. I'm averaging about 100-150 hits per day (very modest, I know, but I love all 100+ people that actually take time to check my blog). I've written over 250 entries and reviewed over 20 books. I've had one ghost writer (my dear sister Kelly).  The most hits ever achieved -- 1000+ - the day after I announced Scotty had been re-hospitalized. (So, so happy we had a happy ending to that). Although this site has morphed into more of a mommy blog than a serious book review blog, I'm happy that I've written down a lot of my thoughts over the last year, since Motherhood has a strange way of wiping one's memory clean.

My favorite part of the blog? Aside from posting Scotty pictures, I love getting emails from people who read! And while I've known 99% of the people who have emailed me about the blog, it is always super fun and flattering to know someone is reading - and thinking - about what I'm saying.

So thank you so much! I plan to continue writing, at least for awhile. It's been proposed that I try to sell ads on the blog to earn some extra moola - and maybe I will - but for now, I'm happy with my little modest endeavor. Keep reading! I'm going to go pop some champagne. (haha, just joking. It's only 10:15 here).

Okay, okay, I finally tuned in to the show. I had sworn not to watch this season, mainly because I find Ali horrifically boring, but last night after Real Housewives of New Jersey, I found myself with nothing else to watch.

I caught the last 30 minutes. These are my impressions:

1.) Ali is about as milquetoast as I suspected. Even her clothes are boring. She got sick during filming? Who does that? You are on a nationally-televised reality show that people tune into weekly. Suck it up, dear. Take some Pepto or whatever you need and get back in the saddle. We are not tuning in to see you clad in your jammies, sitting on a couch with your blankie. We want drama. And intrigue. And scandal.

2.) Is it me, or do all of the guys look exactly the same? Did Ali tell producers, "I like brown, spiky-haired guys that look like they shop at Abercrombie and have a penchant for wearing collared shirts with sweaters and faded denim"? I was seriously having trouble telling all of them apart. Except the dude with the black-rimmed glasses, they looked like puppies from the same litter.

3.) Kasey...Kasey, Kasey, Kasey. Love the tattoo. Love the craziness in your eyes. Love the fact that you didn't even tell Ali that you got a tattoo (of a heart in a shield, no less!) because I think that you must have started taking your meds again, after your stint in the tattoo parlor and came to your senses. Where do the producers find these guys?

I will admit, I was fairly intrigued that they go to Iceland next week, which overlaps with the volcanic eruption. (Producers must have been high-fiving over that one). Yes, I probably will tune in next week (sigh, I'm hooked - I'll admit it) but it's only for two reasons: 1.) I heard Ali gains 15 pounds this season, and I'm curious to see how that happens and 2.) the next Bachelor will probably come out of this pool of wanna-be suitors, and I'd like to get to know him now, as opposed to when he starts filming.

Oh, and I need to give my husband a major shout-out -- after working until 8pm last night, he managed to not only go to Target to get a little pool for the Bear (wading time!), but also purchase a lawn mower for me. The poor guy didn't get home until well past 9:30, and both Scotty and I are excited to try out our new toys today. 

I've decided to re-write what we know about baby development into a much more user-friendly guide. Current literature out there wants to 'fancy' it up, whereas most of us just want things broken down into easily understood bites.  Because let's face it - parenting is a crazy process and we just want things to go well.

So here you have it, infant development in three easy-to-understand stages. 

Months 0-3: The Alien Phase

Congratulations! You just welcomed a small, strange creature into your life. This little alien has absolutely no way to communicate with you except to scream and cry whenever it needs something. It's up to you to decipher the screams and not lose your sanity in the process.

The little alien doesn't like to sleep on a schedule, wants to eat at all hours of the night, and frequently will poop, pee, and spit-up on you. Without care to what you are wearing or if you are trying to get out of the door without having to change your outfit for the third time. And you are expected to handle this with grace and class, even though you are thinking to yourself, "If anyone else in my life pooped or peed on me, I would terminate the relationship." You don't get a lot back during this phase, but the good news is that when the little alien is sleeping, he/she looks angelic and snuggly, making you forgive them for the last time they puked on you.

During this phase, your life is going to be ruled by one word: SLEEP. Because you are not getting enough of it. Moms-to-be may dismiss this with a quick hand wave ("I went to college...I know what it's like to pull an all-nighter") when in reality, it's like pulling an all-nighter for TWO MONTHS straight. I think they intentionally make baby bath products smell good so you can at least snuggle up to your baby and breathe in their smell without packing up your car and joining the witness protection program. Your emotional brain loves your baby, but your logical brain is asking, "Um...when does this get better?"

Months 4-6:  The Blob Phase

Good news! That small little alien you welcomed into your life several months ago is growing. And growing, and growing, and growing. And with that growth means better sleep, for both you and the little alien. Best of all, the alien finally stopped its futile protest to re-enter the womb and has finally accepted his lot in life: to live in this world as a small blob. Because during this time, your baby doesn't do much.

You don't really care that your baby doesn't do much; you are just so excited to get more than 4 hours of sleep (in a row) at night that you high-five random strangers on the street. You whistle in the morning out of sheer joy that REM sleep has returned and the bags under your eyes are finally starting to go away. During this time, you might also seriously consider rejoining the human race. Because you finally have time to shower, put make-up on, and be pleasant to other people (i.e. when others ask how you are doing, you are able to use an indoor voice, instead of scream, "I AM SO TIRED!!".)

Baby development, however, is kind of stalled at this time. They are not really sitting up, so its hard to play with toys. They don't really acknowledge other babies, so playdates are also tough. They are still eating their very weird diet of breastmilk and/or formula, so its not like they can join you for a meal. Most of the time, they are happy to bounce in a jumperoo and cram their chubby legs into a Bumbo seat. Now is a very good time for you to get your hair highlighted, make a nice meal for your husband (to make up for the last three months of constant whining about how tired you are), and perhaps check your email. Welcome back, Mom.

Months 7-12: The Puppy Stage

And finally, the golden age of infant development. Your baby is not quite human yet and reached that moment I like to call 'the dawn of consciousness,' but they are awfully cute and fun to interact with. You can teach them tricks at this age ("high five!").  You can feed them table scraps and they bounce up and down with excitement. People stop you when you are out walking to comment on how adorable your 'puppy' is and you never, ever leave the house without a poopy bag (aka the Diaper Bag.) 

The downside of this stage? The mess. Like any good puppy, they are into everything. Nothing in your home is sacred. Just this past weekend, I skyped with my parents and sister (who is in IN visiting), and in the 10 minutes baby Ben was on camera, he managed to sit still for 2 minutes (only because he was pooping in his diaper), scuttle onto the carpet, avert my mother's arms and head straight for the coffee table, wedge himself into the coffee table and start chewing on the electrical cords. It was like watching a small, very determined tornado in action. I half expected him to put a hole in the drywall or knock down the desk, but my mom and sister were right there to stop him in his path of destruction.

So yes, while you will lavish in the praise of others who think your baby is adorable, your house will also never be the same. They will make a mess on your carpet, eat your houseplants, and lick anything that comes their way. But at this point, they are sleeping so you could really care less. 

*****

There you have it. Put down those silly baby books and just use my easy three-phase system. And be sure to get some sleep!