I finally have a chance to sit down and write out the details of our California vacation, but I have to do it fast since Scotty is approaching the end of his nap (eek!). I can't believe we were only gone for four days - it seemed more like 12 - and I cannot believe it's been five days since we came home. Baby Time moves lightening fast, and Vacation Time (i.e. the time when you are not chasing a baby, washing bottles, or living your life 2.5 hours at a time) really goes by slowly. Gloriously slowing, I'm not complaining, but slowly. I must have checked my Facebook page eight times in two hours on Thursday afternoon, while lounging at the pool (this was all pre-face plant). It's not because I was bored, it's just because I felt like hours had gone by when in reality, only twenty minutes did. Needless to say, it look a little while (and some libations) for me to wind down.

Anyways, we started our trek on Wednesday morning and headed first to Temecula, CA. This is kind of like Napa Light, in my opinion. Lots of great wineries minus the snooty edge and intimidation of Napa. And, it's more reasonably priced. We only hit two vineyards (this was the fourth time we had been there in five years) and a big reason for that is that Brian spent about 45 minutes noshing at the Temecula Chick-Fil-A with his TWO chicken sandwiches, waffle fries and lemonade. (I ate too, but not the same quantity.) Going to Chick-Fil-A, for Brian, is akin to a religious experience. And since our sandwiches were a little slow coming out, they gave us a voucher for a FREE sandwich, good at that Chick-Fil-A. So, yes, after the two wineries (Brian didn't drink since he had to drive), we went to Chick-Fil-A yet again and got our sandwich, plus a shake.

Are you keeping track so far? That's Brian: 3 sandwiches, Kim: 1.

We then drove to the Surf and Sand resort in Laguna Beach. This place is amazing. It's not super posh, but it's got that beachy, California-vibe that is so cool. And it's right on the water. I mean, on the water. Brian and I were joking how it won't exist in 15 years due to the erosion, but whatever. Better enjoy those views now, folks.

We had a great dinner at Splashes, the restaurant at the Surf and Sand, although Brian and I got a good laugh out of our waitress. (yes, Brian was still hungry after all that chicken.) She told us that they were out of the beef, the chicken, two appetizers, three desserts, and were we ready to order? We were like, "Huh?" I think we're just spoiled coming from Vegas, since the food and service here is second to none (I'm sorry, but in all of our travels, I have yet to find a better, more hands on, cater-to-your-every-whim tourist industry than Vegas). All of our California experiences were kind of overpriced, the wait staff looked like actors (probably because they were) and they acted like we should be sooo excited that they have chosen to serve us. It's just a small little thing, but Brian and I both picked up on it and had to laugh. (although the free chicken sandwich earlier in the day was a great touch. Way to go, CFA).

After we convinced our waitress that we were happy she was serving us and consoled her that it's okay, we didn't want the beef anyways, we had a great dinner. Thursday was spent all day at the pool (Brian popped out briefly for yet another CFA run. Brian: 4, Kim:1). I, of course, face planted in the pool, made a scene (people probably were whispering, "They must be from Vegas...they are super pushy, expect good service, and make a scene.") and promptly continued drinking. We had dinner that night down in Dana Point at the Ritz Carlton, and honestly, it was like something out of a movie. Unreal. Very few moments in my life have felt movie-worthy (or TV-worthy, I guess), but this one definitely made it. I have expected to hear the familiar strains of "California" from the opening credits of 'The O.C' while we sat outside. (instead, a lovely man singing and playing the guitar serenaded us instead.) Check out this view:

(the quote under the picture is from 'The OC,' if you remember the first season. Brian and I still say it jokingly. Sorry that I swore, Mom, but it seemed fitting.)

Anyways, we ate more, drank more, laid around some more...are you getting an idea of awesome these few days were?? No nap schedule, no bath time, no baby sweet potatoes rubbed in someone's (cough, cough) hair. It was great, but we did miss the little Bear. My mom very generously sent us pictures of Scotty everyday, that we referred to as our "Proof of Life" pictures. (for both the Bear and my parents...we know what a stinker he can be sometimes.) And the kid looked happy, well-fed, and like his usual impish little self.

Okay, speak of the devil, he must have heard me. This is a good spot to end and Part II will come tomorrow. Part II = the WEDDING!!

It must have been all of that great California air that has invaded my brain, since I just realized today - Wednesday - that I have not updated my blog since Friday. Whoops! I even forgot to watch and tape 'The Men Tell All' on Monday night, so I can't comment on that. But tomorrow, I should have a little free time and will definitely let you know how the trip went. (quick teaser: fabulous).

See you tomorrow!

So I am typing this from Adam's living in Santa Monica, CA. Tiffany is taking a shower, Brian just checked us into the hotel and is on his way on to the tux shop, and I just had my first ever spray tan. I am loving my golden, amber-colored legs, although I'm not supposed to get wet for the next eight hours, lest my tan will run. The color matches the bruise on my face nicely - I managed to face plant while doing a handstand in the pool at the Surf and Sand yesterday. Yes, leave it to me get injured on vacation. I was showing off for Brian - get a couple of vodka lemonades in me, and I break out the water gymnastics. I was doing a handstand when I misjudged how deep the water was, and promptly landed on the bottom of the pool...with my face. It looks like Brian beat me up. Haha...no one ever believes me when I tell them that no, I'm just that clumsy.

Anyways, on to people who take better, less dangerous vacations than me...Ali. Kris was kind enough to send me her thoughts and I was totally cracking up. I can't believe I never noticed Frank's thumb ring. And thank you, Kris!! Love your work.

******************

Thanks for the extra-fab introduction, Kim! I’ve been reading Kim’s blog from the start and, of course, expected nothing less than witty, funny, and entertaining reviews. We do share the same loves: squirrels and reality TV! So, let’s get down to business, kids…THE BACHELORETTE!

Let me preface this blog by stating that I, in no way shape or form, watch this show with the fantasy that these people are actually going to fall in love, get married, and pop out other self-absorbed individuals, in the form of babies. I gave up on that hope after maybe Season 3. Now, it’s viewed for pure entertainment value in the hopes that girls will bitch slap each other to win the Bachelor or to develop drinking games based on the insane things the “characters” say (oops, I forgot to take a swig when they showed previews for the “Men Tell All” where Kasey said he was there to “guard and protect Ali’s heart” about 20 times. I’ll catch up on the drinking next week).

This week, we find ourselves in Tahiti, which according to Ali, is the “perfect place to fall in love”. Um, I’m pretty sure she’s said that every week on their world tour, but I digress. Her first date is with Roberto aka Hot Stud. He is so yummy with that smile and those dimples. I’m a little concerned with him getting dehydrated in Tahiti with the amount he was sweating, but that smile distracted me from worrying enough to reach for a Gatorade to share with him through my TV screen. It’s clear that Ali and Roberto have some crazy chemistry, but that’s about it. I’m pretty sure they said the words, “cool” and “awesome” several times during their limited conversations and Ali giggled like a hyena to fill the rest of the silence on the date (and more so, the silence in her head). Oh, and I just LOVE how Hot Stud was all “surprised” to get the note from Chris Harrison with the key to the Fantasy Room Suite. Come on, buddy! You’re not fooling me, even with your smoldering good looks and genuine eye contact. This is what, Season 845? EVERYONE knows that when you get to the top three you’re guaranteed sexy time with the bachelor/ette, which is why they screen for STDs. Not sure how some of these people make it through that test without getting red-flagged at the drive-thru clinic ABC probably uses. This date was filled with passion, but nothing to establish a long-term connection. I don’t really feel like I know Hot Stud, and I’m pretty sure that all Ali knows about him is that he looks hot in a baseball uniform and that his lips taste like grape candy (oh, wait…that’s my fantasy about Roberto).

Time for my one true love….Chris L.!!!!! Chris L., I love you. You’re sweet, funny, charming, down-to-earth, and close with your family. Sure, if we ever got together, I’d hide the big bottle of Dippity Do in your bathroom to help promote some natural-looking hairstyles, but that’s the only thing I’d change about you. When Chris and Ali are interacting, they look like two kids flirting with each other in a sandbox…laughing and teasing like they’ve known each other since Kindergarten. They’re playful, comfortable around each other, and have fun together. Plus, there’s some definite sizzle between these too now, so it’s like an extra bonus. I absolutely refuse to believe the online reports that he bar hops and picks up tons of women each weekend. That’s not “my Chris L.” My Chris L. plays Scrabble with his dad and mows the lawn/lines the driveway with colorful flowers every spring because it’s part of his landscaping design for his family’s adorable Cape Code house. If Ali doesn’t pick him, she is clearly deranged because (and yes, I’m going to say it) he’s VERY “pettable”. Yup, I would definitely pet him.

Oh, Frank….Frank. Frank. Frank. You spent the entire season begging Ali to stroke your ego and tell you how much she cares about you. Now, you’re trying to summon up the “courage and strength” to tell her you still love your ex –girlfriend, Nicole. Did anyone else notice that Nicole was incredibly airbrushed and wearing cute accessories for her surprise visit from Frank and the cameras?!?! “What are you doing here?” she squeals in shock as the makeup artist rushes from view to hide in the bathroom for touch ups later. God, I love scripted reality TV. Oh, and a note to Nicole… if Frank “completes you” then I’m very concerned about how empty your soul will still be when you two are actually together, honey. The only thing Frank fills is my mouth with vomit when he cries, begs for attention, and wears wife-beaters, which is pretty much the entire season. Oh, and let’s not forget about the thumb ring. Are two girls really into this guy and his poor taste in undershirts and jewelry?

Time to break the news of another tool in the group to Ali. Call in Super Host, Chris Harrison! I knew he’d play therapist to Frank and Ali during the emotional turmoil that would ensue. I seriously think that Chris H. should’ve pulled up a chair to one of the hammocks, charged each of them $100 to talk about their feelings, and then gone back to his hut to watch Survivor, while swearing that Jeff Probst probably makes ten times what he makes being the host of the Bachelor/ette. All Probst has to do is make sure to call the medics is someone faints. Chris Harrison has dealt with much worse drama (Vienna and Jake, Jason/Molly/Melissa threesome) and probably gets paid pennies in comparison. Technically, Ali spent her third date with Chris Harrison. Why wasn’t he in the running for a rose? He’s loyal, caring, always there during a scandal, and asks the tough questions before rose ceremonies, such as “What’s been going on?”

Here’s another reason I know I watch this show for pure entertainment. When Frank was telling Ali he was going back to his ex and she was crying, all I found myself saying in my head, “God, can’t the stylist touch up her roots? Why are those extensions so heinous? Where’d she get that cute yellow ring? I wonder what she’ll wear to the rose ceremony. Wasn’t she supposed to get fat during the season? She still looks way skinny in those bikinis. I was promised her gaining weight!” I felt nothing for her emotions.

Cheers to Kim for letting me “co-blog” for her this week! I am counting down the moments until Ali hands out a final rose, breaks up with the “lucky” guy is, and then shockingly accepts a guest spot on some CW show.

I am so excited to read Kris's comment on Ali's trainwreck of a Fiji vacation. It was pretty much the 'Frank Show' for the first 30 minutes, which I thought was totally obnoxious. But I didn't get a chance to watch the whole program, mainly since I couldn't subject my parents to 120 minutes of ridiculous beach scenes and 'overnight dates,' so I'm curious to see what actually happened.

In the meantime, check out Scotty's 11 month pictures and some activities we've been engaging in since the folks rolled into town. Oh, and we leave for Cali in t-minus 24 hours!!! I cannot wait. Wedding plans seem to be going smoothly, although the bride send out an email stating she lost her cell phone last night. It's always darkest before dawn, Tiff. On the Tuesday before my wedding, my day was filled with doctors' appointments, all of whom confirmed that I had a nasty case of shingles. And then they told me I was a danger to unborn children and people with compromised immunity systems.  Then I had to send out an email to every female guest at the wedding of child-bearing age stating that due to my present condition, I was a risk to their (potential) fetus and please take a pregnancy test, just to be safe. Surprisingly, two guests were in the first trimester (but had already had chicken pox, so they were okay) and avoided me, and the only person who was pregnant, in their first trimester, and had never had the chicken pox? My matron of honor. Then came the scary realization that she would not be able to come to the wedding, at all.  Lots of tears.

LOTS of tears.

Tuesdays before weddings stink. Hang in there, Tiff. I'd say, "Call me"...but, well, you can't. :-(

Okay, some Bear pics. Let's think happy thoughts!

My dad's golf lesson at the Butch Harmon School of Golf. Go, Dad!

And Scotty enjoying dinner last night with his grandparents. The waitress gave him a wet washcloth at the end of the meal, and you would have thought it was the keys to the city. This kid LOVED it. He would touch the washcloth, giggle, push it away, giggle, touch it again, giggle. Etc. You get the idea. Such a silly boy.

Gosh, I am starting to sound like Ali over here. My use of superlatives is generously shrinking, the closer we get to California. (and right now, it's all just in my mind since we don't leave until Wednesday morning. I am just so stinkin' excited). But seriously, there was been all kinds of GREAT and WONDERFUL news around here. Imagine me jumping up and down in a baseball uniform. (sorry, Roberto.)

Let's see, where to start...

1.) MY BRIDESMAID DRESS FITS. Huge news. Big. Huge. And best of all? I'm feeling not so big and huge anymore. I'm down a solid seven pounds, my body fat has decreased by 6%, and that gorgeous chiffon number hanging in my closet actually looks respectable on me. The 'fleshy-ness' has decreased substantially, and I no longer have the urge to run and hide when it's zipped up. Maybe I will make Tiffany proud next weekend . Let's just hope I don't fall in my nude heels. (eek)

2.) I LOVE THE GYM. Okay, well, kind of. I've never been an athlete, I've never been naturally graceful, and I've forced myself for years to run, jump, lift, and hang with the other dogs at the gym. And I've pretty much hated every minute of it. I really wish I was one of those 'outdoorsy' people, but aside from gardening and the occasional hike, I'm just not. But...on Wednesday night, my life changed forever when I tried a Boot Camp class. There was no biking involved. (I HATE spin, FYI. After several long discussions with my former trainer, we decided that I just don't have the right body size for spin. My legs are too long, my torso too short, and it all equates to a very disorganized Kim on a bike). There was no counting, no music, no timed reps. No, Boot Camp was reminscient of high school gym class, except in my case, I never actually had to take gym. (Thank you, Mr. Bimm and MCSH Marching Band.) But - this class was amazing. It was ab work (that you just do - no counting, no synchronized, dance-like moves), stretching, and then cardio. KILLER CARDIO. Like, the guy set up cones and stuff. Wind sprints. In lines. Where you are racing against other people. Can I just say...love? I get to be competitive in a safe environment? This is great! No balls are flying in my face, I get to take short breaks (to watch others run), and people were actually cheering each other on. It was so fun! I was super pumped when I left and I even stopped to thank the instructor (which I almost never do). I can't wait to go back.

3.)  MY PARENTS ARE FLYING IN TODAY!!! Yup, Grandma and Grandpa should be touching down in about 90 minutes, into our little 115 degree paradise. But aside from the heat, they will be on Midwest time, which means their 8am is our 6am...can you just guess who will be sleeping in for the next three days?! AHHH! I can't wait! And oh yeah, I'm really happy to see my folks too.

4.)  BRIAN AND I LEAVE FOR CALI IN 3.5 DAYS. BY OURSELVES. WITHOUT A BABY. OMG. Again, there will be lots of...sleep. Mmmm. We are first going to the Surf & Sand in Laguna Beach, eating, drinking, and sleeping to our hearts' content, and then heading to Santa Monica on Friday morning. I'm a little concerned that much of my hard work re: my weight will be derailed during this time, since Brian has largely based our itinerary around Chik-Fil-A, but whatever. As long as the damn thing zips up and the reception site doesn't run out of champagne, we're all fine.

5.) ADAM AND TIFFANY ARE GETTING MARRIED IN SEVEN DAYS!!!! I think the excitement for this one speaks for itself. I don't know if I'll be a weepy mess (hopefully not), but OMG I am just so freaking excited. (sorry, that was the most boring sentence ever. I am so excited I can even come up with an interesting way to say it). YAY, Adam and Tiffany!

And finally, #6...drumroll please....

WE WILL HAVE OUR FIRST GUEST BLOGGER ON MONDAY NIGHT!!!

Yes, you read that correctly. I will have my first official guest blogger joining us on Monday after 'The Bachelorette'! Yes, I feel like a true blogger now. My friend Kris E from college is not only fun, fashionable, and fabulous, but she also has all of this inside knowledge about this season's scandals. She is about as warm and fuzzy as a hot cup of cocoa and a chenille throw, and has the wit to match. I can't wait to see what she comes up with.

Case-in-point: while Ali may need a thesaurus to get through everyday conversations, Kris does not. She was well-known in our sorority for coming up with new and fun ways of talking about potential new members. Most notably, while the rest of us just said, "Oh, she's great, love her, blah, blah" Kris coined the phrase, "I love [this rushee] so much...I just want to pet her." I believe Xi Chapter is still using that phrase (it was a good one). I just hope they cite their source. Kris is hilarious, sweet, down-to-earth and now holds the honored distinction of guest blogger. And thank you!!! 

Today was a BIG day in the world of babies!!

Several college friends gave birth this week (actually, it's been a multi-week long bonanza of little girls, starting on July 1; first came Elise (Karen), then Elisa (Jenn), then Adilynn (Melissa) yesterday, and today, Jaime had Corinne. And then Sarah, non-college friend but great Las Vegas friend, had little Isabella tonight at 6:31pm. So much excitement! So many babies! So little sleep that will be had by all parties for the next eight weeks! (eek)

And then, just to add to the excitement, the Whippersnapper stopped by with a red velvet cake (um, delicious), to see the house, and to show off her baby bump! Turns out she is four and a half months along...that sneaky devil. She found out right as we were closing on the house and has kept quiet this long. She has a poker face, that Whippersnapper. But she is glowing in her teeny-tiny adorableness and had about a million questions for me. I pulled out my Belly Book and some pictures of Scotty in the womb (that I stuffed in an envelope and appropriately titled 'Scotty in utero, 2009').  We talked for a couple hours and have a lunch date planned...after all, these babies can be complicated, especially for first-time mothers. Trust me, I know.

Well, combine re-reading my Belly Book over a glass of wine tonight while looking at all of these new baby pictures on Facebook, and it amounted to a very weepy Kim. Poor Brian was left to deal with my "We are going to have another baby, right?" questions, even though we know it's not possible for at least another 18 months. (the dreaded fibroid - and surgery - still linger. More on that later). But either way, Scotty as an only child or Scotty as a big brother, big, HUGE congrats to everyone who has just recently had a baby...such an exciting time!!

So, we just put kitchen handles on the cabinets in order to prevent Scotty from getting into them. (Yes, I know you can buy those clippy things that don't require handles, but between Brian's and my 14+ years of post high school education, we couldn't figure out how to assemble the darn things). And to date, Scotty has been mildly interested in the kitchen, but not really into it. Until, of course, he had something to grab on to, and that something was a nice, shining new handle.

But now that we have the baby-proof locks on, he can't get enough of them. So...pre-baby-proofing: interest was maybe at a 2. Post-baby-proofed cabinets? Interest has peaked at a 10. Seriously.

Ahhh, hometown dates. One of my favorite staples of the whole 'Bachelor' franchise.

Because now, the families get involved. And we get to see just where in the world there crazy people come from. More than likely, they come from their crazy families. (Kirk, I'm looking at you.)

Let me break it down per bachelor:

Roberto:

Holy moly, I have never in my life seen anyone so darn excited about wearing a baseball jersey. Ali was jumping up and down when Roberto presented her with her own jersey, and then her head nearly exploded when she saw him in his baseball uniform. Um...okay? Not quite sure why that strikes a nerve for our girl, but she was practically drooling with delight. And based on their number of smooches on the baseball diamond, the chemistry between Ali and Roberto is pretty undeniable.

And then we got to meet 'Bert's' family - Dad, Olga, Olga, and Brother. There were a lot of Olgas, that is the only thing I am sure of. And, when Bert's dad asked Ali what she thought of Florida, it confirmed why I would make a terrible contestant on this show. (Mainly because I would have said that it is full of child molesters and hurricanes. Not a big fan of the sunshine state). But Ali handled the situation much more deftly than I and earned praise and acceptance from Roberto's family.

One down, three to go.

Chris L:

Oh, how I love Chris L. He has really grown on me this season. I mean, there is an intensity about him that is mildly creepy (you just know he is going to go nuts when she breaks his heart in the final episode), but aside from that, he's just about perfect in my eyes. See, I've had this fantasy of living on the East Coast for years, wearing hoodies and fleeces and playing on wind-swept beaches with overcast skies and moody waves breaking on the shore. (I actually was fairly nervous prior to moving to Vegas since I'm not a big fan of constant sunshine. See above re: my comments about Florida). I want to live in the 'Barefoot Contessa' house with white and green as the primary color schemes and have a big dog that picks up sticks and drops them on the porch. And clambakes - don't even get me started on the clambakes. I think it's the whole allure of wearing a sweater with shorts that I love so much. Also, the idea of sitting on driftwood.  Mmm, driftwood.

Anyways, I love the whole lifestyle, right down to my imaginary tartan couches that I would likely buy to put next to my REAL weathered coffee table (not some faux weathered table from Pottery Barn). It's that kind of lifestyle that makes me want to be the mom of three rough and tumble boys, and that's kind of what Chris L is. And with the whole recently-deceased-mom thing...yikes. Kind of hard to watch. I wish Ali would stop evoking the memory of his dead mother in such a cute and kitschy way. I mean, let's have some respect, okay?

But did anyone else notice that both of Chris's brothers married/are about to marry women who look exactly like his mother? I mean, wow. That's both uncanny and a little unnerving. I don't think Ali could stay blond for much longer if she joins the family, but let's face it - she only has eyes for Roberto. Which means Chris' heart is going to shatter into a million pieces on national television in about three weeks. Oh, the horror.

Kirk:

Speaking of horror...yes, it was Kirk's family who takes home the 'Weirdos of the Hometown Date' Award. Poor Kirk. He's 27 but seems so much younger. You could totally tell Ali wasn't into him at all, and with him dragging her around all of Green Bay (where was the Packer memorabilia? Where were the cheese curds and copiously use of the word 'supper'??) to meet each of his weird and slightly off family members. His dad is an obvious target for ridicule, considering he has a basement full of dead animals, but what about his mother? Holy cow. Talk about looking into the future. I felt like the whole date was screaming, "Ali, if you marry Kirk, you are going to look exactly like his mother in about 15 years." No, Ali, don't do it! Stay in an urban area that offers better skincare products and Invisalign braces.

And finally...

Frank:

As my dear friend Sherri pointed out, Frank's retail experience is likely associate manager at some Jamba Juice or American Eagle Outfitters. You can just tell that he gets kicks by yelling at some hapless high school student to refold the denim wall for the third time. (not like I have any personal experience in that area...) And remember, he still lives with his parents...and if their town home is any indication of his parents' success (town home? In Geneva? I'm hoping they recently downgraded), run, Ali, run! Between having a glass of wine with Frank's mom in their postage-stamp-sized backyard, or chatting with Frank's pregnant, child-bride-looking sister, I hope Ali got enough heebie-jeebies to not offer him a rose. (I'm not even going to touch his ridiculous undershirt/sweater combo.) But she didn't. He got a rose in the end, and it was Kirk who was sent home to Green Bay.

But don't worry, Kirk -- training camp opens in just two weeks, and according to Brian, this is the year the Packers will take home the big trophy. So, you'll be fine in the end.

What is the news Frank breaks to Ali in Tahiti?? And what was up with his stupid, pretend fainting when Ali announced where they were headed? (did anyone else notice that Chris L was the only one who suitably dressed for the rose ceremony? Roberto, button that top button!)  And how can we get Chris L to be the next Bachelor?

  I didn't watch Ali last night.

Sorry.

It's taped (recorded? I am so 1995) and ready to be viewed one of these days. I ended up strapping on the gym shoes and hitting the treadmill last night at 7:30pm.

I pick up my bridesmaid dress today, and yes, the fear has hit. Hardcore. Will it fit? Who knows.

All I ate yesterday was an arugula salad with a little turkey on it and a protein shake after my workout. I would like to eat more (I know I need to eat more) but the thought of NOT fitting into that dress literally has me shaking. I haven't even told Brian that we have a dry run scheduled to tonight that requires putting me in the dress, since I know it will ruin his day. (It takes a village, people. I'm not joking).

The thing is, the dress actually does fit - it was the zipper that was causing me all kinds of angst. About three months worth of angst, until I realized that the zipper kept getting stuck on a button. In my Catholic-guilt 'it must be me' mentality, I just assumed that I was too big for the dress and that's why it wasn't zipping. Once Brian and I figured it out (after some tears, I admit, and some rather choice words on my part), I felt a lot better. But the dress still didn't look good (and was missing the clasp after my 'Hurt Closet' experience circa January 2010). The only word that came to mind once the blue frock was in place? Fleshy. Lots and lots of...flesh.

I'm not quite sure what or who shifted during pregnancy, but things just aren't the same. There is some serious armpit boob going on. And some ample back fat, too. I've tried tucking, pinching, corseting, and finally stapling down each problem area, and with no luck. So, I did what every good bridesmaid does when she has 11 days to go until the wedding and a dress that looks mildly horrifying: I stopped eating. And started running like something was chasing me.

The good news (aside from the fact that I haven't passed out yet?):  I'm down a solid five pounds. The bad news? I really have about 25 more to go. And I could wax poetic about how my new, post-baby body is strong and powerful and brought life into this world (blah, blah), but let's face it: unless the damn dress fits, no one cares that I have a baby. Or the fact that I've had almost eleven months to lose the weight and get back into shape. (I will say this -- I am 4 pounds lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight, which means I've lost 51 pounds in 10 months, three weeks, and two days. But it means nothing when you have armpit boobs).

So, yes, I didn't watch 'The Bachelorette' yesterday since I have committed myself to the gym for the next few days. I am curious to see how the date with Kirk went, only because he's from Green Bay and I want to watch Brian get all excited about his favorite city. I hope they don't eat cheese curds...

Oh, and the handles in the kitchen look A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Wayne, the handle man, has a serious passion for handles. He spent hours drilling and measuring and assembling the handles. He even got me in on the action by requesting I remove the sticky little drawer stoppers (not sure of their official name) and replacing them with quality ones (free!). I was kind of bummed since I really wanted to watch Oprah (and Scotty was down for his nap), but if it meant better cabinets, than I was willing. He also brought the best tool ever into my life - the Minwax cabinet pen (in Golden Oak) that repairs and covers scratch marks. It's so fun to use! I plan to purchase my own today. I can't believe we just dramatically improved the look and condition of our cabinets in one easy afternoon. I feel like I should go into the cabinet business now.

So, give me some time to watch 'The Bachelorette' and hopefully, I'll be able to hear Ali's musings over the rumble in my tummy. Argh.

We are getting handles on our kitchen cabinets today! Rejoice!

The handle man, Wayne, stopped by last week with his mobile showroom of handles and knobs. Aside from feeling really weird about walking into his very large van (and wondering if he was going shove me in the back, slam the door, and drive away quickly) while parked in our driveway, the whole process was an easy one. We selected several options out of his over 2000 samples, and Brian and I picked the winner last Monday.

He ordered them, they arrived, and today is officially Kitchen Handle Monday.

I'm excited that I won't break nails every time I attempt to open the cabinet doors. I am very relieved that we can now officially finish baby-proofing the kitchen since we will have a way to tie up the doors and prevent them from opening by little grubby baby fingers. And I'm REALLY excited the whole process is costing us less than a typical haircut/color for me. Rock on, Handle Man Wayne.

Pictures to follow.