My 26 random acts of kindness hit a bit of a rough patch on Friday.

After his early dismissal, Scotty and I trekked off to our local police station with a large platter of homemade cookies in tow. We were greeted by a waiting room of all men who looked at us funny. I couldn't figure out how to sign in, so I just stood there awkwardly for about 10 minutes, fidgeting uncomfortably under the weight of these men's stares. Was there a sign-in sheet? Do I take a number? My experience in police station procedure was sadly lacking. I was also trying to keep Scotty from touching everything in the waiting room while catching the eye of a person behind the desk ("Hi! Nice mom with some yummy cookies! Please acknowledge me! We really want to leave!"). Nothing. I moved back into the foyer and rather reluctantly pressed the button of the window where you check your firearm. No, I did not have a gun, but I did have a bunch of nicely decorated gingerbread men. I stood there sweating, fearful pushing the button was the police-station equivalent of faslely pulling a fire alarm, but not only did I not get in trouble, nobody showed up. I finally called it when another gentlemen left the waiting area and purposefully sat near Scotty, trying to strike up a conversation with him. Okay, I'm all for random acts of kindness, but I am not about to put myself or child in a potentially dangerous situation with strange men (regardless of the fact we were literally at a police station.)

So we left, cookies still in tow.

My mood plummeted further when CNN's breaking news app popped up on my phone with coverage from the NRA press conference. More guns, not less? Armed guards at our schools? Has the world gone completely mad? So I did what any defeated mother would do: I sat on the couch with Scotty watching Bubble Guppies and proceeded to eat every single Rice Krispie treat on the platter. At least it numbed the pain. Mmm, feelings are delicious.

By Saturday, I was still on Act #16 and my motivation was failing fast. I was half-tempted to throw the whole idea out the window, but decided even if I don't make my self-imposed deadline of Christmas Day, I can easily keep trying well into the new year. I also began wondering what truly counts as an act of kindness. For example, I did not smother Brian in his sleep on Wednesday night, despite the fact his head cold was causing him to moan - yes, moan - loudly in his sleep. Instead, after tossing and turning for hours, I simply gathered my pillows and the baby monitor and quietly retreated to the guest bedroom, where I proceeded to sleep on 1/4 of the bed because Zigmund, my mom's 14 pound black cat, refused to move over. He rewarded me by eating his kibble loudly at 4am, one loud crunch at a time. That whole night was an act of kindess, no? I mean, everything in my house was still alive in the morning.

I thought about #26Acts on Saturday and whether or not to continue the project. I asked the Universe to send me some signs that my kindness was working, that it was helping others, and this was not a gigantic waste of my time. After all, now I'm sleep deprived, woefully behind on my Christmas prep, and two pounds heavier from all of those Rice Krispie treats.

Lo and behold, the Universe answered me.

First, I ran into an old, old friend at the butcher shop. Loved catching up with him. Than, at the Nutcracker Ballet later that afternoon, another dear friend gloriously and spontaneously asked if my mom and I wanted to come backstage after the performance. (She works for the Nevada Ballet Theater.) Do I want to come backstage? Is that really a question? My nine-year old inner princess practically leaped out of my chest. Yes, I want to see ballerinas up close! Yes, I would LOVE to see the costumes and the set and feel like a VIP. It was such a simple gesture by my friend but it is one that my mom and I will long treasure.

(side note: ballerinas are tiny. Like, the size of my right thigh. Insane.)

And then, when we returned home that night, I received yet another sign that brought tears to my eyes. A friend had dropped off a pile of presents at our door - just 'cause. An ornament and a car for Scott, two books for me, and best of all, a $50 donation in my name to "Room to Read," an organization that grants education to children in the developing world. The money will go to the girls' education program.

My heart suddenly was very full again.

And so, I made yet another batch of Rice Krispie treats and refilled the platters. This morning, Scotty and I set off through the neighborhood, passing out cookies. I'm going to make a donation to the "Room to Read" website, and make some snowflakes to send to Newtown. We are back on track, folks.

Yes, I will complete the #26Acts. I look at this temporary hiccup as reassurance that there is still good in this world. It's hard to get out of your comfort zone and be kind to strangers. Regardless, I guess the joy is in the act, not the response. Sometimes, you just gotta believe.

I'm trying, though, and I hope you continue your acts, too.

If you'd like to donate to Room to Read, the website is: www.roomtoread.org

If you'd like to make snowflakes for the kids in Newtown, here is the info and the website: http://www.coolmompicks.com/2012/12/snowflakes_for_sandy_hook.php

Good luck, friends! And Merry Christmas.

Act #12: A local radio station held a Stuffed Animal Drive last night in front of the Thomas & Mack Center. All donated items were sent to first responders to hand out to children in crisis situations. I know how much Scotty loves/needs his Froggie, so this was a no-brainer. Act #12 found Scotty and I collecting some friends that were ready for a new life with a new family, so despite the cold and traffic, we braved it down to the middle of town with our goodies. Chet Buchanan from 98.5's "The Morning Zoo" accepted our donation and was incredibly friendly and gracious. I really enjoyed chatting with him. When I told him I'm originally from Chicago, he immediately mentioned Eddie and Jo-Bo from B-96. Such a small world and what a total flashback from high school. Nice guy, great cause.

Act #13: Today is recycling day. The truck only comes around once every two weeks, and during that time, there is about a 15 second window of opportunity to catch the driver. We've gone weeks watching our recycling pile up since he usually comes early in the morning. Today, however, I was determined to snag him and give him cookies.

Our moment arrived right after Brian left. I was still force-feeding Scotty his scrambled eggs when we heard the familiar rumble. I didn't have time to do much more than throw on my red coat and grab the bag of cookies before he passed our house. How one man can empty full three bins by himself so quickly is beyond me. It is combined recycling, I guess. But we made it out of the house just in time to watch him hit the last house on the corner when I took off. Leaving the Bear standing on the porch, I ran like a mad woman - barefoot, mind you - waving and hollering. He saw me, saw the cookies, and broke into a wide grin. I tossed the bag at him, yelled "Thank you!" and he was on his way. That's when I realized my feet were freezing. And really dirty. Yuck.

Act #14: I was a little more prepared for the garbage men. With my boots already on and pajama pants safely replaced with real pants, I had both bags of chocolate-covered pretzels waiting for me by the door. Again, it was during meal time we heard the chug of the engine and Scotty and I made a beeline for the door. The two garbage men are a little bit slower paced than the recycling guy, and when they saw me, they actually stopped the truck to chat. Cornelius, the guy on the back, and Willie, the driver, seemed tickled to get their decorated goodies. Cornelius even brought our garbage can up to the house in a kind gesture of his own. Seriously, I love our garbage men.

Act #15: (technically, this occurred before the garbage truck story, but I numbered them out of order in my little book)

I bought lunch for the two guys behind me in line at Subway. They were wearing bright orange vests and clearly worked in some kind of construction job, which meant they were Scotty's heroes immediately. Ever so kind and before they knew about their free lunch, they kept Scotty entertained in line, chatting with him and asking about his truck. They were so sweet I couldn't help but throw my debit card down when their order was rang up. For $8.05 (two 6" subs - whew. I thought for a moment they were the meatball-and-sub-meal-deal guys), you could not have asked for a better reaction. I wasn't sure if they were going to cry or kiss me. Both checked my left hand for a ring. Um no, I'm not hitting on you. After the usual pleasantries were exchanged, we all kind of just dispersed in our own direction to avoid the strange awkwardness that came over us. Uncomfortable, yes. But I hope they pay it forward.

Act #16 & #17: I will be passing out more holiday treats to 16.) the neighbors down the street and 17.) a local firehouse later this afternoon. At this point, I'm not sure if I'm spreading kindness or obesity, but I'm not going to overthink it. This is fun and Scotty and I are enjoying ourselves.

So far, this is what others have been up to...

Krista in Illinois was sidelined by a nasty cold but made up for it with a huge gesture of kindness. She donated half of her yearly bonus (WOW!) to WINGS, a shelter for domestically abused women and children. She wrote, "As a mom, I constantly think how fortunate I am to have medical care, food, and just the basics for my kid. So this year, we are donating the extra that God has given to those who have so so much less than us." Way to go, Krista!!! I should mention, her "kid" is a little red-haired butterball of a one-year old. He's lucky to have such a cool mom.

Chai in LA celebrated her daughter's fourth birthday yesterday with cupcakes and lots and LOTS of kindness. So far, she surprised her daughter's teachers with flowers, donated to one of her husband's co-workers' families that are experiencing hardship as a result of Hurricane Sandy, written notes to the teachers at Sandy Hook, purchased toys for the Today Show Toy Drive on Amazon, and filled a parking meter with 10 hours. In LA, that's worth it's weight in gold! Nice work, Chai!!

Kori in New Mexico has shared this idea on Facebook and the promptly went out and purchased McDonald's for the car behind her in line. Way to go, Kori!

Please know: twenty-six acts is a lot. Scary to think of what the number represents, but if you are intimidated or overwhelmed by it, just do one or two. Even one random act of kindness can touch someone unexpectedly and create a tiny flicker of hope in this world.

If you'd like to share how you're spreading kindness, drop me a line at bedrestbookclub@gmail.com. I'd love to it share with others!!

Act #6: Brought in the garbage cans of a friend and their neighbor

Act #7: Took cookies and a thank you card to our dry cleaner. She is really the sweetest woman in the world and always has a kind word for Scotty.

Act #8:  Sent a thank you card to the Newtown Police Department

Act #9: Sent a sympathy card to the teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary School, along with a thank you for being heroes

Act #10: Left cookies and a thank you note for our mail lady

Act #11: Brought (well, bringing - it hasn't happened yet) flowers to the receptionist at Scotty's school. She is the one that has to (wo)man the door for all visitors, and I'd have to imagine the last several days for her have been stressful.

If you'd like to send a note of thanks or sympathy, here are the addresses for first responders:

Newtown Police Department
3 Main Street
Newtown, CT 06470

Connecticut State Police
Public Information Office
1111 Country Club Road
Middletown, Connecticut 06457

Sandy Hook Vol. Fire and Rescue
PO Box 783
18-20 Riverside Rd
Sandy Hook, CT 06482

Newtown Volunteer Ambulance Corp.
77 Main St.
Newtown CT 06470

And of course, the brave teachers at the school, who inadvertently found themselves on the front lines:

Sandy Hook Elementary School
12 Dickenson Drive
Sandy Hook, CT 06482

If you are participating in #26Acts, drop me a line and let me know what you are doing! I'd love to report on those who want to participate. Email me at bedrestbookclub@gmail.com and I'll post your responses.

And not surprisingly...26 is a HUGE number. I'm having trouble coming up with more acts of kindness. To think each act reflects each person who lost their life...well, it's just staggering. Heartbreaking.

More acts coming tomorrow.

I can't watch the news anymore.

It's hard to check Facebook.

My favorite app, the "CNN Breaking News" app, is very close to getting clipped.

I went for a run yesterday with a friend and that did wonders to clear my head. However, like the rest of this country, I'm still consumed with the events from last Friday. I know dwelling on the sadness and heartbreak is unhealthy and unproductive, which is why a post from NBC's Ann Curry caught my eye:

    Imagine if we all committed 20 acts of kindness to honor the lost         children of Newtown..(or 26 acts, including the heroic teachers.) I'm     in. A growing number on Twitter are in. #20Acts #26Acts What do you     think FB friends? If yes, share!

I thought about it for a few seconds. Then shared it.

I got out my stationary and immediately wrote Scotty's teacher and his two aides a thank you note. I tucked it in his folder so they would be sure to get it. It read:

    Thank you for everything you do!! Thank you for keeping our little
    Bear safe. You guys are the real heroes.

Awkward as I felt writing that, it felt good to put it on paper. I shoved it in his bag before I could change my mind.

One down, twenty-five to go.

Then I paid for the car behind me at Starbucks. Again, awkward. I zoomed away quickly. But I felt good.

Two down.

I let the gentleman behind me at Whole Foods cut in line. I could tell he was in a big hurry. He thanked me and said, "Oh good, I didn't have a chance to eat breakfast." Perhaps I prevented someone from a bout of hypoglycemia? I'll never know.

Then I donated $5 to purchase shampoo for the homeless. They will soon be smelling of strawberries and guava.

And the in my most daring act of random kindness, I scrawled a quick note, tucked a $10 bill inside, and stuck it in the window of a car in the parking lot. I was seriously wigged out someone would approach to find me messing with their car, but thankfully, nothing of that sort happened. The note read:

    The only way to combat evil is with goodness. This note is in memory     of the victims of Sandy Hook Elementary. I hope this makes your    
    day. Please pay it forward.

And then I ran out of the parking lot.

Five done. Twenty-one acts left.

Anyone else want to join me?

Like  most Americans, I spent the weekend in a state of shock and disbelief as news continued to emerge about the Sandy Hook shootings. The idea that an armed gunman would target an elementary school full of women and children is unthinkable. As a parent of a school-aged child, the fear and horror I felt...what those poor parents must have experienced...and continue to experience...well, my heart just breaks for them. Friday's events were truly something out of a horror film.

I spent a lot of time this weekend thinking about what to write today. I enlisted the help of some friends (who also happen to be clinical psychologists) to figure out what we can do to help out. Making sense of a tragedy of this magnitude may be too big for our minds to grasp at this point, but maybe we can tackle it in small ways. One thing that these type of events cause is a feeling of helplessness and being out of control. Taking steps, albeit small ones, can help to reinstate tiny levels of security and well-being again. So through our grief and in our sorrow, let's start talking.

Talk with your kids about what happened

Gerard Wetzel of Secure Home HQ has a great website about keeping your loved ones safe, including tips for parents, caretakers, and educators on how to talk to kids about national tragedies. Click here for the link.

Please remember to keep the age of your child in mind. A three year old is much different than a six year old, who is different than a nine year old. Scotty, being such a sweet and earnest three year old, has no idea what happened.  Limiting his exposure to news coverage and remaining calm and even-keeled is the best thing I can do as a parent. This type of subject is not appropriate for him, whereas a six year old might have seen the images on TV and understood something very scary happened.  They may be scared, worried, or sad. Watch for changes in play, sleep, or appetite. Likewise, for an older child, this could be absolutely terrifying, as they are able to grasp the totality of this much more fully. Be patient, be aware, and be open with your kids.

Talk to your school about its own safety plan

Within a few hours of the news breaking in Sandy Hook, we received an email from Scotty's school detailing their safety plan for the children. This included locked gates, locked doors, panic buttons for the receptionists, and a security guard on property at all times.

While it was reassuring, I also recognize there is no such thing as 100% safety. We, as parents, drop our children off at school each morning under the illusion that they will be safe and well-cared for. There is no thing more terrifying than letting go of your child, and this morning, I had an especially hard time letting Scotty go. If you have any concerns about the safe guards that are in place at your child's school, now is the time to talk with the administration about it. In Gavin DeBecker's book "The Gift of Fear," he provides a comprehensive list of questions to ask school officials. Everything from what time the doors lock to who is granted access, this list is a great place to start.

Talk to your elected officials about what needs to change

This is a hot-button issue with people on both sides of the fence. Regardless of your stance on the Second Amendment, I think we'd all agree: something needs to change. Period. What happened on Friday simply cannot happen again. Twenty young lives and six committed educators lost their lives in an act of rage. We as a country simply cannot condone this anymore. As one person on Twitter wrote, "One guy TRIES to blow up an airplane with a shoe bomb and we all have to take our shoes off at the airport, but 31 shootings later and nothing changes?"

Nicholas Kristof, author of a popular column in the NY Times, wrote a moving piece of what needs to change in this country - and do we have the courage to stop it? Read the complete article here. If banning guns in this country is not an option, than what can we do to stop this public health crisis? Too many young lives are being lost in these senseless acts. Let's talk to policymakers, other countries, and each other to find a solution.

Talk to each other about mental health issues

This one comes more naturally for me, as it was my past profession, but this country needs to start taking mental health more seriously. Usually the first thing slashed when budget cuts arise or because the stigma of illness is too shameful to discuss, mental health concerns are swept under the rug. The Anarchrist Soccer Mom wrote a chilling blog entry that's getting quite a bit of buzz about what it's like raising a mentally ill son. Read it here. The fear, the uncertainty, and the not knowing - all of these things I have seen in practice from parents who are scared to death and completely overwhelmed by their child's behavior. While this may surprise some people, clinicians and parents of these children know all too well what the warning signs are. In an excellent piece by the NY Times this summer, Jennifer Kahn explores some of the questions and challenges that arise when raising and treating a child with callous, unemotional personality in her article, "Can You Call a 9-year old a Psychopath?" Read it here. 

(I am slightly hesitant to share that last link, mainly because I don't want everyone to suddenly diagnose their children with psychopathic personality traits. Please read it with a careful eye and a clinical lens.)

The fact is, if you know of someone that displays any of these qualities, help is available. If you think you know someone that is capable of serious violence, reach out to them or their loved ones. If you want to talk with a mental health professional for more information, you can find someone in your area by clicking here. And for God's sake, if you are worried about anyone in your home, LOCK UP YOUR GUNS.

There is so much confusion about mental health in this country, and it was on display during the extensive news coverage. One psychologist went on CNN and reported that people living with Asperger's Syndrome are prone to violent outbursts. This is a gross overestimation of a misunderstood disorder. To read more about Asperger's Syndrome and its characteristics, click here.

Talk to your loved ones about the good that still exists in this world

It's the holiday season and if you don't feel like celebrating, that's okay. We have all experienced a great loss and have been traumatized. But through this unimaginable horror, don't lose sight of the good. Within hours of the shootings, twenty-six Christmas trees had materialized near the school. The memorial for the victims is growing and love and support from the rest of the world is pouring in. We can take this time to reflect on our own lives, hug our children, thank their teachers, and try to make an effort to find the good in this unspeakable tragedy.

I found a lot of comfort looking through these stories, and I encourage you to do the same. All is not lost. One man committed one horrific act that touched a nation's conscious. We are all changed as a result of Friday's events, but we do not need to be changed for the worse. We can pull through this to make sure it never happens again. We can give meaning to these children's lives by honoring them, remembering them, and protecting our own.

Get educated. Get motivated. Become part of the solution.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all those in Newtown, CT. May you find peace in the days ahead. --KSB

Dear Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, Queen of Style, and Princess of
    Shiny Hair:

Your big news broke yesterday - congratulations! You are about to join the biggest sisterhood on the planet: Motherhood. As an unofficial diplomat for this club, I'd like to welcome you with open arms.

I'd also like to offer you some completely unsolicited advice based on my experience as well as the experiences of my comrades. Motherhood is the great equalizer, and the stripes you earn in battle are well-fought. So after you re-hydrated and stop vomiting, read on for a few helpful tips from your fellow "sisters." 

The highs get higher, the lows get lower.

Imagine life as a football field: it's 100 yards from one end of the field to another. Bringing a child into this world simply extends those goalposts. By 50 yards, by 100...by infinity. You will experience some of the best moments of your life when you are a mom, and also experience some of the lowest. Motherhood changes the playing field forever.

I remember when our little Bear was born; I was literally on this 24-hour adrenaline high. I couldn't sleep, couldn't focus, couldn't stop smiling. And then it came crashing down - mainly because no sleep + pushing an 8 1/2 pound bowling ball out of my who-ha = pure exhaustion. The boom came down, and it came down hard. To this day, I don't think I've ever experienced that level of burnout. It took me months to recover because sleep became something of the distant past. Everytime I closed my eyes, the child woke up.  Maybe you will get more sleep post-partum than your average new mom, but it's still exhausting. And in terms of lows - when that sweet, cherub faced kid of yours doesn't want to breastfeed or God-forbid bites you...well, it will take everything in your power to not want to run away and/or slam your pretty face into a door. It's mind-numbingly frustrating and makes you realize you have very, very little control in this whole situation.

(I really hope you have a better go with breastfeeding than I did. Regardless, make sure you register for a royal breast pump. Those things are handy.)

As low as these points may be, the highs are even more exhilarating. I remember the first time Scotty fell asleep during SwaddleGate; I almost screamed with joy. Or when my bladder started working again after CatheterGate; I'm fairly confident I heard angels singing that day. Better than that - the day Scotty looked at me with sweet green eyes and clearly said: "Momma." You heart will burst into a million happy pieces. And it will make all of the other crap-filled-Gates worth it.

Everyone has an opinion but yours in the most important.

You have the distinct disadvantage over every other female on this planet in that your bump (and subsequent baby) will be the most talked about pregnancy/birth/upbringing, ever. Even for us commoners, pregnancy means suddenly everyone and their aunt has a comment or question or piece of advice about the on-goings of your uterus. It's annoying when the lady in line with you at the grocery store asks invasive questions, but it's downright offensive when she tells you how to rear your child.

I'm sure you are already there, but with Motherhood comes a million decisions. Breastfeeding v. formula, co-sleeping v. crib, baby-wearing v. stroller. The easiest thing you'll do is decorate a nursery; the hardest will be picking out a preschool. (Okay, that's not necessarily true, but that's what I'm up to at this point.) I recognize that much of our identity as Mothers is wrapped up in the quality of care of our children, which means our very integrity somehow merges into the state of the child. I'll be frank: when the kid acts up, you're going to feel like sh*t. When he or she doesn't sleep, neither will you. God forbid the child gets sick, because it feels like a reflection of you as a mother. I distinctly remember how I fell apart when Scotty had his first ear infection. Clearly, this was a sign of my incompetency as a Mother and my kid drew the short straw of parents. But the good news: you'll get used to feeling like sh*t. Really. And eventually, you'll be able to distance your child's welfare from your personal well-being and feel confident with your parenting decisions.  You really do know best, even when it doesn't feel like it. Also, repeat after me: It's good for his immune system...it's good for his immune system...

It goes by so fast.

This is probably the last thing you want to hear right now, especially if you are chained to a hospital bed by your IV and barf bags are littering the floor. Yes, you probably feel like you are never going to feel normal again.  One day soon, however, you will wake up to the sound of a crying baby and all of that barfing stuff will feel like nothing more than a bad dream.

It feels like yesterday I was staring at an ultrasound photo with a blobby, Gummi-Bear-esque shape on it. (aha! Now you know how he got his nickname). That little Gummi Bear emerged several short months later as a chubby, screaming, pink potato. The hospital staff inexplicably put a hat on him and all I could think about was the potato is wearing a hat. (The first few moments after childbirth are bewildering. Your brain does very strange things in those moments).

And then just yesterday, our potato wore what equated to a smoking jacket to school. He looked like he was 3 going on 63. 

They grow up so fast.

The days may be long, but the years are short. You're going to be so anxious for your bump to finally start showing - and then in a blink of an eye, someone will be yelling at you to push. As dumb and cliched as this sounds, really try to appreciate each day, regardless of the challenges or setbacks. I'm a planner and personally hate living in the moment; I'd much rather live in the future where I have some modicum of perceived control. But Motherhood doesn't work like that; you need to stop, breath, and ask questions. Enjoy the moment; savor it. You won't get it back.

I've finally adjusted and I will admit, the present is quite lovely.

With that said, best wishes, Duchess! You are going to rock this pregnancy. We are all cheering you on. Now, go sip some ginger ale and give your tummy a pat for me. I can't wait to see how you make this look easy.

Sincerely,

another mother