I'm not sure how to say this, but...I think it's time we go our separate ways.
It's not you - it's me. Really.
I am just not digging this relationship anymore. I know, I know - it started out with fireworks and excitement. Me, pouring over the beautiful, frilly varieties at the store or farmers' market, stocked so your best side was showing and your leaves were at the peak of their green-ness. I fell hook, line and sinker for the nutritional claims touted by experts. Friends claim they love you. I've seen t-shirts shouting your praise. I wanted to love you too, really, I did. But now...well, it's been a few months, and the shine has wore off. And I think it's time we go our separate ways.
I don't know how to say this, except to just say it: you're kind of bitter. And you don't pair well with others. You can't say we haven't tried, either. I've baked you, blended you, sauteed you...you've joined my salads, my smoothies, hell, even my soups. And time and time again, I've gagged, choked, and nearly spit out that mouthful because you, my dear, are simply not palatable.
Okay, I don't want to come down on you too hard; I know you are trying. And to be totally honest, well, there's another person in this relationship: spinach. He's a lot nicer, plays better with others, and comes prewashed. He's always happy to jump in a smoothie and does not try to steal the show. Spinach is a lot less "look at me" than you are, and I appreciate that. Maybe something to think about, eh?
So listen, I want you to know I wish you the best. Your star is rising and I think you have a bright future ahead of you. Just not with me. So best of luck and maybe we'll run into each other again, perhaps in a bowl of minestrone.