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Constant Correction

3/13/2013

6 Comments

 
There is a power struggle in our house right now, and the 36-pound little bruiser is kicking our ass.

I'm trying to remember when it started (perhaps when the doctor was yelling, "Push!"??), but over Christmas, I distinctly remember feeling excited that Scotty was going to be home with me for two weeks with no school. Now, not so much. Things have changed dramatically since then. Spring Break is looming in two short weeks and I break into cold sweat when I think of what the hell I'm going to do with the little muffin for ::dramatic music:: five solid days. And how we are not going to be at each other's throats for ::dramatic music:: five solid days.

Gah.

I know, I know. Maybe some of you are shaking your heads and muttering, "About time." I acknowledge our two's were tepid at best. Potty training was a dream. Bed conversions went smoothly. The transition to preschool was a bit problematic, but that was more on me than him. I willingly admit we breezed through some of the bigger parenting challenges, but to that, I offer only one word:

CATHETERGATE.

Naysayers, you can suck it.

Anyways, regardless of the karma of Motherhood, the challenges we are facing now are all attitude. Our sweet, good-natured little Bear has developed the attitude and confidence of a teenager. Words and phrases we have said to him - no, follow good directions, use your listening ears, be respectful - are literally being hurdled back at us with venom and lots of finger shaking. It's quite humiliating to be in public when your three-year old erupts after you deny him a new toy. "YOU ARE NOT FOLLOWING. GOOD. DIRECTIONS!!" he shrieks, glaring and hissing. He occasionally will kick at me. He scratches me when mad. Just the other day at the park, I squatted down to his level to correct this wanton behavior and the little bleeping-bleeper pushed me over.

Let me say that again. He pushed.

Me.

Over.

Brian was on him like white on rice (and because of boot camp and very sore legs, I toppled over like a tower of blocks), dragging him off the playground by the arm. These incidents are not singular unto themselves; they are happening with more and more frequency. When I picked him up from school on Monday, Scotty informed me he got his name on the board twice: once for talking on the rug, and once for screaming. He then chose to make his "grr" face for the rest of the day at his classmates and teacher.

Whiskey tango foxtrot. What is going on here, people?

I gotta say, I have no idea how to handle this. Am I raising a serial killer? Is this how it starts? Will Dateline one day being showing my picture and putting all of his dastardly actions squarely on my shoulders? "...we've learned exclusively that Scott was known to push his mother at the park, causing her to fall helplessly to the ground. When she denied him a new lizard at the grocery store, the seeds of rage were planted..." 

I implored the advice of good friend and fellow mother Courtney, who has been through her share with her two kids. Carson is a glorious, beautiful, and sweet 4-year old and I can't help but look on with envy when he listens, smiles, and agrees with what she says. He's like a tiny beacon of light in an otherwise dark toddler world. Courtney just laughed and said to keep fighting the good fight; maturity will kick in (eventually). Courtney also gently reminded me that she almost lost her mind when Carson was two because he made her so crazy.

So is this a phase? Does everyone go through this? I don't remember Motherhood so tough since the infant stage (which I disliked with a passion). I'm good with toddlers - I was a TA for Behavioral Psych and totally adhere to the motto "if you can train a rat, you can train a kid." But rats never talked back. And so, I'm at a loss. And really, really, really tired.

Sticker chart, anyone?

If you have some helpful advice, please feel free to comment. If you feel I am failing as a parent, that's cool, too, but let's keep that to yourself, okay?



6 Comments
Eleanor
3/13/2013 02:46:12 am

I almost spit out my coffee when I read "Am I raising a serial killer?" because I have used those exact words!! I wish I had some magic solution for you, but I don't. In my experience what works for every kid is different - beyond that, what works for any one kid is different from one day to the next, or sometimes even one minute to the next. I do have a book called 1-2-3 Magic that I've heard outlines a very effective discipline method, but I haven't read the whole thing so I can't really comment on it personally. I mean, I just bought it like, three years ago! I'm not a speed reader! :) Ha! Thank you for so bravely sharing your parenting challenges - it's comforting to see that even parents who have their sh*t together, unlike me, still have little ones who are out of control every now and then! Keep fighting the good fight - this too shall pass!

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Kim
4/7/2013 09:33:50 am

Please know I almost spit my coffee out when I read "it's comforting to see that even parents who have their sh*t together" -- huh!? Thank you SO much for the lovely vote of confidence, but trust me, my sh*t is FAR from together. I only have one kid AND I stay home and most days are still tentative at best. But I really appreciate the very kind words!!

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courtney
3/13/2013 02:18:35 pm

I am going to just say YES...I am glad I am not alone. I thought I was doing OK (not amazing, but certainly not awful) as a parent and then it was like a switch flipped. I too, have been pushed over. It was ugly. It's like they are 3 going on 18...I was not prepared. I think that whole "terrible two's" is crap. This is what I should have been warned about.
Practically speaking- I am going to start reading Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmell. I was kind of shooting from the hip until now, and I dont think I can get away with that much longer.
And as far as spring break goes- let me know if you want to do a play date :)
I think it gets easier...or maybe it doesn't. ;)

Reply
Michelle
3/14/2013 07:45:44 am

I thought 1-2-3 Magic really worked for us. At least when I remembered to use it! Also, I've found it's a ton of trial and error. And not just on individual kids, but on the individual situation. I've had to carry my oldest out of stores, kicking and screaming - scratch that - SCREAMING! And someone even helped me once load the groceries into the car it was that bad. So, it's sometimes time outs, sometimes, bear hugs, sometimes me closing the door so I don't lose my mind!

But you might check out 1-2-3 Magic. And her teacher gave me another one but I'm blanking on the name. I'll check and get back to you. And like all things, this will pass. Hang in there.

Is he saying, "I don't LIKE you?" That's Róisín's phrase du jour!

Reply
Kim
4/7/2013 09:34:50 am

Scott's favorite "dagger to the heart" comment is, "Mom? I don't love you anymore" and then he walks away slowly and dramatically. Like a tiny serial killer.

Reply
I, too, have been using (although not to the letter) the 1-2-3 Magic method. I was just thinking the other day that it was finally working the way it's supposed to. However, my son is 4 1/2, which I have heard is kind of a turning point maturity-wise.
3/14/2013 09:01:41 am

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