Feedings are taking no more than 30 minutes (per the nurses). Burping is going well. Dirty diapers are stacking up, much to my delight, and we have a new chart to record all of Scotty's daily activities. I added a column for 'mental status' just to make sure we don't too many 'sleepy' cycles in a row.
As for Brian and I, well, we're doing the best we can. I definitely have a tendency to ruminate, though I am desperately trying to not do that now. I just can't believe how close we got to losing our little guy. Over something so small and so common. I keep telling myself now is the perfect time to put this rumination stuff to bed - all of my energy needs to be focused on Scotty - and it seems to be helping. This is a change I probably should have made years ago (also see: Wedding, My) and learned to let go of past grievances. Well, this is a pretty big sign to tell me, "Kim, stop focusing on the past. Concentrate on the future and the people that need your attention most."
I'm also just very, very, very physically tired. I've gotten a lot of questions about milk productions, and yes, I'm still pumping. I'm very gun-shy of any actual to-the-breast feeding, but we do want to get him back on breast milk soon. The nurse told us yesterday that bilirubin binds better to formula than breast milk, so we will continue that for the next few days. After the dust has settled, I'm more than happy to offer breast milk again.
As for production, on Wednesday night when all the drama went down, I pumped 8 oz at the hospital (around 2am) and then woke up on Thursday to pump barely 2 oz. I think it was a combination of stress and my intentional denial of fluids (to prevent having to use the bathroom). It has steadily been coming back - I pumped almost 2.5 oz yesterday - and I'm drinking the tea and gulping fluids by the gallon. I'm trying to be patient with myself. Having the baby home is infinitely easier on milk production - all I have to do it look at our little guy, and the milk starts flowing - but Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were tough. But, it's Sunday and that's what we need to focus on.
My mom arrives tomorrow. HOORAY! I cannot wait to have her here. I can't wait for her to meet Scotty and Scotty to meet her...my dad will be coming out later in the month, and they should both be here for my birthday later in September. Aw. That makes me so happy. I guess you never really grow up.
Oh, and as an aside - I feel like we are getting to know Scotty all over again. The last week was not a good demonstration of his little personality. He is hilarious and so animated. He has these big blue eyes that he looks at Brian and I with (and also Emma), and you can almost see the wheels turning in his head. He is so quiet, too. He only cries when his bottle is delayed. His alert time is spent looking at us, pushing up on my chest, and in tummy time. The kid has great head control for a 12-day old baby. All of these, again, are great indicators that things are connecting in his little brain and none of that toxic bili seeped into his delicate cranium.
He kind of reminds me of that baby in the Superbowl commercial from this year - the one where the baby shook the doctor's hand after he was delivered? Scotty has this "old soul" quality to him. Yesterday at the NICU, the nurse was changing his diaper and told him, "Okay Scotty, turn your head to the left." And he did. It took all three of us a second to grasp what had happened and all of us burst out laughing. We were like, "He's just a baby! How did he do that?" Obviously, it is just coincidental, but he has done that a few times. The nurse told him to wave good-bye to the other nurses and he lifted his hand in greeting. What a character.
We are so happy he is home and doing well. :-)