Fearing who it might be, I gave Brian the look of death before throwing open the door.
"Hi, GanstaBoy. How are you?"
He looked at me hopefully. "Is Brian home?" he asked, as though I am Brian's mother.
I wanted to tell him that Brian couldn't come out and play since he didnt' clean his room, but instead, I just grimaced slightly and said, "Um...[stalling]...yes?"
He grinned at me. That's when I noticed he was carrying a plastic Wal-Mart bag full of Miller Lites. He started to move towards me when I put my hand out.
"Were you planning to come in? Because you can't. I'm sorry. The baby is sick." Ugh, I just cursed myself by lying, but I didn't want this guy sitting on my recently-Febreezed couch, throwing back cold ones and kicking his feet up on our ottoman.
Brian then appeared with the alleged sick baby, and GanstaBoy was instantly contrite. He said he understood and it's not a problem; we, obviously, need to take care of the baby without company or other germs. Jim, our friend who is over most Sundays for the games, was thankfully in Ohio this weekend, so our lie looked more tangible. He left soon thereafter, but it sounded like he was planning to come back next week. He even dropped the line, "Oh, I just wanted to watch the game. Since I can't watch it at my house. You know, the game. I wanted to watch the game."
We get it, dude. I can't believe it...I hate to go all Larry David on this guy, but seriously, WTF? I mean, are you so rude to think that we are willingly going to welcome you into our home every Sunday to watch football, just because you are a Packer fan? Brian said that he thought it was nice that he brought beer, to which I replied, "Did you really expect him to share it?"
How do you school a recently-turned 21 year old on the nuances of social etiquette? That stopping over at someone's house uncalled and unexpectedly (and repeatedly) is about as rude as it gets. Does he do this to other people? Just knock and expect to be hosted? There are RULES about this kind of thing, and he is breaking all of them. Don't come over without an invite. Don't come over empty-handed (or with stuff you don't plan to share). Don't treat me like my husband's mother. Don't come over to watch what we are paying for and bring nothing in return. Even the pilgrims and the indians had a mutually beneficially agreement. GanstaBoy needs to get with the program.
Brian, who is clearly a nicer, better person than I, said that he doesn't have a problem with GanstaBoy coming over to watch the games, as long as it's just not the two of us (i.e. we have other friends over, too). I told him that, like roaches, once you invite him in, he is never going to leave. Not to mention, when I make lunch, do I have to make him a sandwich? Do I have to offer him a soda? At what point did I become the neighborhood mom that makes cookies for the other grubby little kids on the block? I expected this to happen in about five years with Scotty, not with Brian.
I blame Brian and DirectTV for this.