While I adore our nursery (the "swamp" as we call it, since we filled it full of turtles, frogs, a tree, and birds. Maybe we have some strange latent Shrek hang-up), I can't help but feel a little critical at our new-parent planning. First of all, we picked out all whites, taupes, sage greens, and navy as our color scheme. Aside from the navy (our only good idea), what the hell were we thinking? Did I really think babies are these clean entities that do not spit up, poop, and pee on everything? I love our beautiful (and insanely expensive) sage-colored glider, but as I feed Scotty, I am constantly thinking, "Did I Scotch-guard this? Is that breast milk? Will that come out? What is that crustiness?" Not necessarily thoughts a new mother needs or wants. If I could do it all over again, I think I'd decorate using navy, black and brown. Yes, not visually appealing, but damn, it's functional.
Also, let's talk about appliances. One of our good friends had joked about adding a plasma-screen TV to their son's nursery, so he could watch SportsCenter during the late night feedings. Since Brian does not get up for the late night feedings (see previous post, titled "Marriage Tip #387"), this would not work out. But - adding appliances to the nursery is a great idea. If I could pimp out out nursery, I would add:
1.) Built-in microwave for sterilizing bottles
2.) Mini-fridge for breast milk storage (and perhaps a snack for Mom)
3.) Working sink for bottle cleaning, hand-washing, and pre-rinsing of all poopy clothing (Scotty literally pooped in my mom's hand the other day...hysterical, though messy).
4.) Ample storage space - not just for clothes, but for dishes, bottles, pacifers, paper towels, etc.
5.) Washer and dryer. Have a load? Just toss it in! And if you have a baby...you have dirty clothes! They go together like peas and carrots.
6.) Some kind of built-in stereo system with surround sound that allows for white noise at night, soothing lullabies to fall asleep to (I don't know any lullabies...I am failing at motherhood. I keep singing the poor kid "America the Beautiful" and "The Star-Spangled Banner," since those are the only two songs I know all of the words to), and then some classical music for his alert time.
7.) And finally, perhaps a mini-bar, for Mom, Dad, and Grandma, when there is nothing more you can do that pour yourself a drink and settle in for a long night with a cuddly baby.
Essentially, reading this list over again, we are building Scotty his own apartment. I'm okay with that. Yes, it would be all stainless steel, black, and granite. Not necessarily baby-friendly, but you know, maybe he'd learn to love it. If we could just live in the nursery and never have to go in another part of the house, ever, I'm fine. Anything to make this crazy time easier.