The Bed Rest Book Club
Share it!
  • Blog
  • About
  • Dining (Vegan and Nonvegan)
  • Running Stuff
  • Recipes!

Rarely Discussed Facts About Running

10/24/2011

0 Comments

 
I've now been pounding the pavement for about four months, and it's been quite the journey. On Sunday, I completed my longest run ever - 12 miles - in just over two hours. I'm running between a ten and eleven-minute mile, and while I don't consider that my "wolf speed" (i.e. the speed at which I would run if wolves were chasing me), it's not like I'm hitching a wagon or anything. The Vegas 1/2 Marathon is in just under six weeks, and I feel confident that I'll be able to run the entire thing at a reasonable pace.

Maybe I'll even have a beer at Mile 7. Who knows.

Now, there are some aspects of running that you may not be aware of. Over the past few months, I've discovered a lot about myself - and my feet - that I did not know. Perhaps most illuminating was the whole toenail-loss thing. (still at ten and holding strong, thankfully). I mean, we all know that running is very time-consuming (2+ hours a day, including dressing, showering, and shoving the child at the husband). It's also fairly expensive, since once you really get into it, you start buying things like hydration belts, fancy shoes, and Garmin watches. And there is the sore muscle part, too - I'm not going to lie, after 12 miles yesterday, Scotty can go up and down the stairs faster than I can. But there are some lesser known aspects about running that I would like to shed some light on. For example...

Running ten miles does not make you instantly slim.

Blame it on our instant-gratification society (or perhaps just my own mindset), but when I ran ten miles a few weeks ago, I expected my pants to fall off of me by the time I got home. They didn't. In fact, they were a little snug. And I love the looks I get from people when I mention my miles: there is this quick up-and-down I usually get, along with a long, "Oooooooh. Interesting." I want to say, "I know, right? I don't know why this weight is staying on, either!"

And while I have dropped a few pounds, it's more because I've been especially cautious with my diet lately. Egg whites and spinach for breakfast, raw almonds as a snack, an apple with almond butter for lunch...you know the drill. It seems to be working, but I'm not getting a whole lot of bang-for-my-buck with running. I mean, at this point, shouldn't I look like Heidi Klum? I certainly feel like I've suffered enough.

You are going to become the most boring person in the world.

You know all the friends you have, the ones that don't wake up at 4:45am to run five miles? Yeah, they really don't want to hear about how you spent your early morning hours. But because you got up at the ungodly hour of 4:45am, you are going to want to tell everyone what you did...making you the person they most want to avoid in the Mom's group.

Because let's face it - unless you are a runner yourself, it's a really dull subject. My friend Courtney and I could talk about it for hours - gear, pace, mileage per week, and then the gossip from boot camp or the running team - but everyone else just gets this glazed over look in their eyes, like they are trying to be polite but are having trouble stifling their yawn. At a playdate recently, Deana became so tired of the subject (as Court and I chatted away) that she actually got up from the table and left. Later on, she told us jokingly, "Please stop talking about running! You are forcing me to pay attention to my children!" We all giggled and promptly shut up.

::yawn::

Running is all about pooping.

There. I said it.

It's on everyone's mind. Whether you run or not, it's one of those necessary functions of life. The difference for runners (aside from the fact that all that movement stimulates the colon) is that we tend to run away from civilization...and bathrooms. Which is both terrifying and messy.

I cannot overemphasize the stress that this causes.  I mean, what are you going to do five miles in? Pop a squat? I'd rather cut off my right arm. But I know runners who carry tissue with them just in case.

Ack. Yuck. Vomit. I think that would signal my retirement.

And aside from actually adhering to the call of nature, there is the whole general uncomfortableness that goes along with the need to answer nature's call. When you have a long run in the morning, I guarantee that the night before, you will be especially cautious about what you eat. Rice? Check. Bananas? Sure. McDonald's quarter pounder? No way in hell.

See? This is why running makes you skinny...eventually. I'm going to have to put down the buttercream cupcakes and snacking on apple cores. I'll be Heidi Klum before you know it.

One day.

The Las Vegas Rock'n'Roll Half-Marathon is in 41 days and I'm happy to report, I've never pooped outside.
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    About Me

    Think of this as the epilogue to Bridget Jones' story. Well, mostly. Bridget marries the handsome lawyer, starts a blog while on bedrest, and decides marathon running sounds like fun. Bridget goes through a divorce but keeps running. Hilarity ensues. 

    Archives

    September 2020
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    September 2018
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    October 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    March 2015
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010
    September 2010
    August 2010
    July 2010
    June 2010
    May 2010
    April 2010
    March 2010
    February 2010
    January 2010
    December 2009
    November 2009
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009
    June 2009

    Categories

    All
    Adolescence
    Baby Activities
    Baby Care
    Bed Rest
    Book Reviews
    Bravo Tv
    Breast Feeding
    Cool Stuff
    Craftiness
    Craig\'s List
    Dogs
    Emma
    Ethical Dilemmas
    Family
    Family Relationships
    Food
    Football Season
    Friendship
    Google List
    Grief
    Guest Blogger
    Guest Bloggers
    I Hate Our Neighborhood
    Junior League
    Kernicterus
    Milestones
    Motherdhood
    Motherhood
    Movies
    My Bladder
    New House
    Numbers
    Pending Reviews
    Post Partum
    Potty Training
    Potty-training
    Pregnancy
    Relationships
    Reviews
    Running
    Scary Stuff
    School
    Scotty
    Sleep
    Sororities
    Sunshine Cupcakes
    Surgery
    The Bobby
    The Holidays
    The Miracle Blanket
    The New House
    Todderville
    Toddlerville
    Toys
    Tv
    Tv Review
    Tv Reviews
    Unpopular Opinions
    Vegas
    Weight Loss
    Weird Stuff Kim Says
    Work

    RSS Feed

Thanks for reading!