-- "Cry it out" is code for "I can't f'ing deal with this anymore."
-- There is no 10-second rule. It's more like, "You're fine to eat as long as no animal has licked it. Besides, the fruit-snack supply is running low. Beggars can't be choosers."
-- Your children's food is actually delicious. You will eat it often. I mean, when's the last time you had chicken nuggets with strawberry milk? Totally beats a grilled chicken salad with no dressing.
-- Due to constant, repeated viewings, the characters in your child's TV shows become more attractive over time. Call it mere exposure effect (or Stockholm Syndrome), but Whyatt's brother Jack on "Super Why!" has a cute Justin-Beiber-thing going on. And I'm pretty confident Mr. Noodle on Sesame Street (the young one, not the old one) is a certified hottie underneath the wig and make-up.
-- Most of the time, you will have no idea what your kid is talking about. For example, the other day, my son asked me to go to the pharmacy to buy a blue dairy truck. This means nothing to me. I just nodded my head and said, "Sure, honey. Later."
-- "Later" in ParentWorld means, "Never."
-- When you read stories about other people's children (like the three year old that got kicked off an airplane because he had to power down his iPad), part of you will be insanely amused while the rest of you says a silent prayer: "Please, please, please Lord don't ever let this be me."
-- You will love your children's lovies just as much as they do. When Froggie went missing last month, I thought a little piece of me had died. (He was later safely recovered in the back of the car.) Funny how worn blankets and beaten-up stuffed animals find a way into your heart.
-- "Summer Camp" are the two most beautiful words in the entire English language.
-- There is no 10-second rule. It's more like, "You're fine to eat as long as no animal has licked it. Besides, the fruit-snack supply is running low. Beggars can't be choosers."
-- Your children's food is actually delicious. You will eat it often. I mean, when's the last time you had chicken nuggets with strawberry milk? Totally beats a grilled chicken salad with no dressing.
-- Due to constant, repeated viewings, the characters in your child's TV shows become more attractive over time. Call it mere exposure effect (or Stockholm Syndrome), but Whyatt's brother Jack on "Super Why!" has a cute Justin-Beiber-thing going on. And I'm pretty confident Mr. Noodle on Sesame Street (the young one, not the old one) is a certified hottie underneath the wig and make-up.
-- Most of the time, you will have no idea what your kid is talking about. For example, the other day, my son asked me to go to the pharmacy to buy a blue dairy truck. This means nothing to me. I just nodded my head and said, "Sure, honey. Later."
-- "Later" in ParentWorld means, "Never."
-- When you read stories about other people's children (like the three year old that got kicked off an airplane because he had to power down his iPad), part of you will be insanely amused while the rest of you says a silent prayer: "Please, please, please Lord don't ever let this be me."
-- You will love your children's lovies just as much as they do. When Froggie went missing last month, I thought a little piece of me had died. (He was later safely recovered in the back of the car.) Funny how worn blankets and beaten-up stuffed animals find a way into your heart.
-- "Summer Camp" are the two most beautiful words in the entire English language.
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