(Amie, this blog entry is for you).
I have been SO bad about jotting down my thoughts for this season of the Bachelor, so I am taking the time now (10:09pm), while the child sleeps and the husband works to type this. I am choosing to forgo the bottles soaking in the sink and the milk sitting on the table in order to write this up.
People, it would be much easier if you all just came over to my house every Monday night so we could talk about this face-to-face. But that's not going to happen -- I don't know who some of you are and we only have seating for four - so this review will have to suffice.
Rozlyn! Michele! Chris Harrison! Tenley and Disney characters! (best quote of the night -- the chick with the red flower in her hair: "I think Tenley fell out of a Disney movie." I totally agree with this - in fact, I think there were small, blue birds singing and twittering behind her while she was sewing her dress for her big date with Jake. Right before she jumped in the giant pumpkin driven by field mice.) Where do I even start?
Oh and let's not forget...Vienna.
I will admit, I don't really get the whole 'I-hate-Vienna' phenomenon. She's young, she's a little trashy, she needs some serious help with her hair extensions, but why the hate? The show hasn't been able to air/confirm any specific evidence of bad behavior (unlike, say, Rozlyn) and she certainly seems sweet enough. I'm not exactly going to call her when I need help with a math problem, but I also don't think she deserves the absolute vitriol that USWeekly has been spewing her way.
And while I don't get the hate, I think I'm starting to understand what Jake sees in her. Bear with me for a moment as I construct my argument.
1.) Jake mentioned during the pilot episode that it's amazing (cough!) that his family loves him, despite his decision to become a pilot. According to him, they are all doctors. He was laughing (nervously) when he said it, but it was clear that he feels/felt different. (you go, Jake, you rebel. Way to buck the system! The fam is all still part of the same socio-economic status, but at least Jake owns his decision).
2.) On the date in St. Lucia, while on the pirate ship, Jake smacked Vienna on the bum with a plastic sword. Seemed innocent, almost playful - but Jake is definitely not playful. That guy is so reliable I would trust him to watch paint dry and give me a blow-by-blow account of it later. You can tell he takes things (and himself) EXTREMELY seriously. I mean, this is a good thing. I would want my pilot to take any flight that I or a family member is on extremely seriously. Yet Jake continues that personality characteristic to his personal life as well.
3.) Tenley is just too darn sweet. She really is a Disney character. A divorced, dancing Disney character, but one nonetheless. What is more interesting is while Tenley ("Ten! Like the number...ten!") doesn't take herself quite so seriously, she is also not funny or witty in the least bit. She is just kind of silly. Kind of sweet, a little silly, and in my opinion, horribly boring. She is about as reliable as Jake is, which makes them a terrible match.
Shocking, no? You would think two reliable people would be a great match. But they are not. Because if you combine numbers 1 and 2 above, it makes Vienna the perfect pick. Why? I introduce to you my theory, which I like to call: The Tiger Woods Phenomenon.
Work with me here: we have a by-the-books guy. He can't loosen up. He does lots and lots of crunches and probably eats lots of veggies that he doesn't like (but he eats them because they are healthy). He is the model of discipline. He also comes from a very pushy, very demanding family, one that ::jokingly:: makes fun of his decision to fly planes because they have made the decision to spend their lives not transporting people, but saving them. While some folks thrive in this kind of environment, our sensitive hero does not. He needs to feel important, validated, and most importantly, the Man.
Consequently, he is going to surround himself with those kind of people.
Enter Vienna and Tenley. Vienna is only 23, has made lots of bad decisions in her life, and has a very limited world view. Tenley is sweet though slightly jaded to marriage. (ironically, Vienna has married before too, but the show hasn't really emphasized this). Tenley is never down, never tired, and clearly, never upset. It's tough to be around this kind of glowing lightness of irritating perfection, especially when you are a more sensitive soul that doesn't feel 100% great about yourself. So when faced with a decision between the two, who do you think Jake is going to pick? The one that makes him feel smart, wordly, and wise? Or the one that makes him want to do more crunches, eat more healthy (though yucky-tasting) veggies and like he will never measure up?
I use Tiger Woods because it's clear that people who put this kind of pressure on themselves almost invariably crack at some point. Tiger did everything right -- he won tournaments, he married the perfect blond girl, had perfect looking little children, and never said a dumb thing to the press. Until, of course, it all fell apart when he drove his SUV into a tree. I'm not saying Tenley is Elin or Vienna is the Perkins waitress (actually, that does fit rather well...) but what I am saying is that Vienna allows Jake to be himself - warts and all - while Tenley, whether she realizes it or not, really only allows for a very rigid, very small spectrum of emotional output. And I think Jake is old enough and self-aware enough to know this, hence why he continues to pick Vienna. The girl he can smack on the bum with a plastic sword and not get an exasperated "Jaaaake! Cut it out!" in response.
Or, you can go with Brian's theory:
"Jake can probably eat all the wings he wants. Vienna used to work at Hooters. Hooters has great wings."
So there you have it: my sophisticated Tiger Woods theory, or Brian's more simple Hooters theory. Either way you slice it...he picks Vienna.
I, however, do NOT think he proposes. Again, I think he takes all of this very seriously and has a certain respect for the institution of marriage, one that he is not willing to compromise on national TV. And while I think he picks Vienna, I can't predict if it will last...you can tell all of the bad press is making him second-guess his decision. Poor guy.
And yeah, how scary is Rozlyn? Folks, you just witnessed sociopathic behavior in action. I'm not calling her a sociopath, but her behavior certainly was. She was the absolute model of manipulation, complete with mis-truths, deflection, and then all-out aggression. Masterful. She is a scary, scary lady and I really hope her son spends lots of time with his father. Poor Chris Harrison! I almost want to join a Facebook group in support of Chris. And Brian and I both loved his "When my son breaks into stories about unicorns and rainbows..." moment. Who knew the guy was so funny?
Anyone have any thoughts, predictions or comments before the final rose???
(oh, and I am totally pro-Gia as the next bachelorette. Ali is a such a whiner! And could you run a brush through your hair before you go on national TV? Seriously.)
I have been SO bad about jotting down my thoughts for this season of the Bachelor, so I am taking the time now (10:09pm), while the child sleeps and the husband works to type this. I am choosing to forgo the bottles soaking in the sink and the milk sitting on the table in order to write this up.
People, it would be much easier if you all just came over to my house every Monday night so we could talk about this face-to-face. But that's not going to happen -- I don't know who some of you are and we only have seating for four - so this review will have to suffice.
Rozlyn! Michele! Chris Harrison! Tenley and Disney characters! (best quote of the night -- the chick with the red flower in her hair: "I think Tenley fell out of a Disney movie." I totally agree with this - in fact, I think there were small, blue birds singing and twittering behind her while she was sewing her dress for her big date with Jake. Right before she jumped in the giant pumpkin driven by field mice.) Where do I even start?
Oh and let's not forget...Vienna.
I will admit, I don't really get the whole 'I-hate-Vienna' phenomenon. She's young, she's a little trashy, she needs some serious help with her hair extensions, but why the hate? The show hasn't been able to air/confirm any specific evidence of bad behavior (unlike, say, Rozlyn) and she certainly seems sweet enough. I'm not exactly going to call her when I need help with a math problem, but I also don't think she deserves the absolute vitriol that USWeekly has been spewing her way.
And while I don't get the hate, I think I'm starting to understand what Jake sees in her. Bear with me for a moment as I construct my argument.
1.) Jake mentioned during the pilot episode that it's amazing (cough!) that his family loves him, despite his decision to become a pilot. According to him, they are all doctors. He was laughing (nervously) when he said it, but it was clear that he feels/felt different. (you go, Jake, you rebel. Way to buck the system! The fam is all still part of the same socio-economic status, but at least Jake owns his decision).
2.) On the date in St. Lucia, while on the pirate ship, Jake smacked Vienna on the bum with a plastic sword. Seemed innocent, almost playful - but Jake is definitely not playful. That guy is so reliable I would trust him to watch paint dry and give me a blow-by-blow account of it later. You can tell he takes things (and himself) EXTREMELY seriously. I mean, this is a good thing. I would want my pilot to take any flight that I or a family member is on extremely seriously. Yet Jake continues that personality characteristic to his personal life as well.
3.) Tenley is just too darn sweet. She really is a Disney character. A divorced, dancing Disney character, but one nonetheless. What is more interesting is while Tenley ("Ten! Like the number...ten!") doesn't take herself quite so seriously, she is also not funny or witty in the least bit. She is just kind of silly. Kind of sweet, a little silly, and in my opinion, horribly boring. She is about as reliable as Jake is, which makes them a terrible match.
Shocking, no? You would think two reliable people would be a great match. But they are not. Because if you combine numbers 1 and 2 above, it makes Vienna the perfect pick. Why? I introduce to you my theory, which I like to call: The Tiger Woods Phenomenon.
Work with me here: we have a by-the-books guy. He can't loosen up. He does lots and lots of crunches and probably eats lots of veggies that he doesn't like (but he eats them because they are healthy). He is the model of discipline. He also comes from a very pushy, very demanding family, one that ::jokingly:: makes fun of his decision to fly planes because they have made the decision to spend their lives not transporting people, but saving them. While some folks thrive in this kind of environment, our sensitive hero does not. He needs to feel important, validated, and most importantly, the Man.
Consequently, he is going to surround himself with those kind of people.
Enter Vienna and Tenley. Vienna is only 23, has made lots of bad decisions in her life, and has a very limited world view. Tenley is sweet though slightly jaded to marriage. (ironically, Vienna has married before too, but the show hasn't really emphasized this). Tenley is never down, never tired, and clearly, never upset. It's tough to be around this kind of glowing lightness of irritating perfection, especially when you are a more sensitive soul that doesn't feel 100% great about yourself. So when faced with a decision between the two, who do you think Jake is going to pick? The one that makes him feel smart, wordly, and wise? Or the one that makes him want to do more crunches, eat more healthy (though yucky-tasting) veggies and like he will never measure up?
I use Tiger Woods because it's clear that people who put this kind of pressure on themselves almost invariably crack at some point. Tiger did everything right -- he won tournaments, he married the perfect blond girl, had perfect looking little children, and never said a dumb thing to the press. Until, of course, it all fell apart when he drove his SUV into a tree. I'm not saying Tenley is Elin or Vienna is the Perkins waitress (actually, that does fit rather well...) but what I am saying is that Vienna allows Jake to be himself - warts and all - while Tenley, whether she realizes it or not, really only allows for a very rigid, very small spectrum of emotional output. And I think Jake is old enough and self-aware enough to know this, hence why he continues to pick Vienna. The girl he can smack on the bum with a plastic sword and not get an exasperated "Jaaaake! Cut it out!" in response.
Or, you can go with Brian's theory:
"Jake can probably eat all the wings he wants. Vienna used to work at Hooters. Hooters has great wings."
So there you have it: my sophisticated Tiger Woods theory, or Brian's more simple Hooters theory. Either way you slice it...he picks Vienna.
I, however, do NOT think he proposes. Again, I think he takes all of this very seriously and has a certain respect for the institution of marriage, one that he is not willing to compromise on national TV. And while I think he picks Vienna, I can't predict if it will last...you can tell all of the bad press is making him second-guess his decision. Poor guy.
And yeah, how scary is Rozlyn? Folks, you just witnessed sociopathic behavior in action. I'm not calling her a sociopath, but her behavior certainly was. She was the absolute model of manipulation, complete with mis-truths, deflection, and then all-out aggression. Masterful. She is a scary, scary lady and I really hope her son spends lots of time with his father. Poor Chris Harrison! I almost want to join a Facebook group in support of Chris. And Brian and I both loved his "When my son breaks into stories about unicorns and rainbows..." moment. Who knew the guy was so funny?
Anyone have any thoughts, predictions or comments before the final rose???
(oh, and I am totally pro-Gia as the next bachelorette. Ali is a such a whiner! And could you run a brush through your hair before you go on national TV? Seriously.)
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