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'The Bachelorette' with Ali

7/14/2010

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Ahhh, hometown dates. One of my favorite staples of the whole 'Bachelor' franchise.

Because now, the families get involved. And we get to see just where in the world there crazy people come from. More than likely, they come from their crazy families. (Kirk, I'm looking at you.)

Let me break it down per bachelor:

Roberto:

Holy moly, I have never in my life seen anyone so darn excited about wearing a baseball jersey. Ali was jumping up and down when Roberto presented her with her own jersey, and then her head nearly exploded when she saw him in his baseball uniform. Um...okay? Not quite sure why that strikes a nerve for our girl, but she was practically drooling with delight. And based on their number of smooches on the baseball diamond, the chemistry between Ali and Roberto is pretty undeniable.

And then we got to meet 'Bert's' family - Dad, Olga, Olga, and Brother. There were a lot of Olgas, that is the only thing I am sure of. And, when Bert's dad asked Ali what she thought of Florida, it confirmed why I would make a terrible contestant on this show. (Mainly because I would have said that it is full of child molesters and hurricanes. Not a big fan of the sunshine state). But Ali handled the situation much more deftly than I and earned praise and acceptance from Roberto's family.

One down, three to go.

Chris L:

Oh, how I love Chris L. He has really grown on me this season. I mean, there is an intensity about him that is mildly creepy (you just know he is going to go nuts when she breaks his heart in the final episode), but aside from that, he's just about perfect in my eyes. See, I've had this fantasy of living on the East Coast for years, wearing hoodies and fleeces and playing on wind-swept beaches with overcast skies and moody waves breaking on the shore. (I actually was fairly nervous prior to moving to Vegas since I'm not a big fan of constant sunshine. See above re: my comments about Florida). I want to live in the 'Barefoot Contessa' house with white and green as the primary color schemes and have a big dog that picks up sticks and drops them on the porch. And clambakes - don't even get me started on the clambakes. I think it's the whole allure of wearing a sweater with shorts that I love so much. Also, the idea of sitting on driftwood.  Mmm, driftwood.

Anyways, I love the whole lifestyle, right down to my imaginary tartan couches that I would likely buy to put next to my REAL weathered coffee table (not some faux weathered table from Pottery Barn). It's that kind of lifestyle that makes me want to be the mom of three rough and tumble boys, and that's kind of what Chris L is. And with the whole recently-deceased-mom thing...yikes. Kind of hard to watch. I wish Ali would stop evoking the memory of his dead mother in such a cute and kitschy way. I mean, let's have some respect, okay?

But did anyone else notice that both of Chris's brothers married/are about to marry women who look exactly like his mother? I mean, wow. That's both uncanny and a little unnerving. I don't think Ali could stay blond for much longer if she joins the family, but let's face it - she only has eyes for Roberto. Which means Chris' heart is going to shatter into a million pieces on national television in about three weeks. Oh, the horror.

Kirk:

Speaking of horror...yes, it was Kirk's family who takes home the 'Weirdos of the Hometown Date' Award. Poor Kirk. He's 27 but seems so much younger. You could totally tell Ali wasn't into him at all, and with him dragging her around all of Green Bay (where was the Packer memorabilia? Where were the cheese curds and copiously use of the word 'supper'??) to meet each of his weird and slightly off family members. His dad is an obvious target for ridicule, considering he has a basement full of dead animals, but what about his mother? Holy cow. Talk about looking into the future. I felt like the whole date was screaming, "Ali, if you marry Kirk, you are going to look exactly like his mother in about 15 years." No, Ali, don't do it! Stay in an urban area that offers better skincare products and Invisalign braces.

And finally...

Frank:

As my dear friend Sherri pointed out, Frank's retail experience is likely associate manager at some Jamba Juice or American Eagle Outfitters. You can just tell that he gets kicks by yelling at some hapless high school student to refold the denim wall for the third time. (not like I have any personal experience in that area...) And remember, he still lives with his parents...and if their town home is any indication of his parents' success (town home? In Geneva? I'm hoping they recently downgraded), run, Ali, run! Between having a glass of wine with Frank's mom in their postage-stamp-sized backyard, or chatting with Frank's pregnant, child-bride-looking sister, I hope Ali got enough heebie-jeebies to not offer him a rose. (I'm not even going to touch his ridiculous undershirt/sweater combo.) But she didn't. He got a rose in the end, and it was Kirk who was sent home to Green Bay.

But don't worry, Kirk -- training camp opens in just two weeks, and according to Brian, this is the year the Packers will take home the big trophy. So, you'll be fine in the end.

What is the news Frank breaks to Ali in Tahiti?? And what was up with his stupid, pretend fainting when Ali announced where they were headed? (did anyone else notice that Chris L was the only one who suitably dressed for the rose ceremony? Roberto, button that top button!)  And how can we get Chris L to be the next Bachelor?
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