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The Bachelorette with Emily: Eps 2 and 3

5/30/2012

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Ack. So behind. The Virus from last week impaired my ability to write the review from last week's episode, and this week, I'm behind due to the holiday. I've gotten several questions about blogging this season, and quite frankly, if I can get my shizz together, the answer is yes. It just takes me a little time to pull things together.

Okay, so last week and this week: where does that leave us with Emily? So far, the one-on-one dates have gone to Ryan, the sports trainer, Joe, the guy with the curly hair, Chris, the Gerard-Butler-look-alike (uncanny, no?) and Arie, the race car driver from Scottsdale. Group dates have been fairly benign with an activity during the day and then a trip to some Charlotte-bar-establishment, and nary a hot tub in sight. We've had a couple private jets, but no jacuzzis.

Oh yeah, and there were some Muppets. Kinda random, but isn't the Muppet movie coming out on DVD soon? Does ABC own the Muppets? Is that part of Disney? Anyone?

My thoughts? First, private jets notwithstanding, I would have thought the production needed to save some cash based on the dates the guys have gone on. I mean unloading groceries and baking cookies? Having the guys go to the park with your moms' group? ABC, are we doing okay financially?

Which leads me to my next thought: these dates would never work for anyone but Emily as the Bachelorette. Could you imagine if poor Ashley tried to pull the "empty the groceries from my car" move during her season? Half the guys would have left. And the interrogation by the moms (at a park!) would have spelled certain death for just about anyone else, too. I mean, Emily gets away with putting the men through these torturous dates because she is incredibly good-looking, sweet as pie, and knows without a shadow of a doubt she has the upper hand. These men are eating out of the palm of her hand, and it's quite impressive. I would say this works for about 1% of the total female population, and only if you've been blessed with long legs, great hair, and a killer smile. I'm not jealous, I'm simply in awe. This woman doesn't even have to dress up to get the men to fall over themselves to get to her; she just shows up in countless striped-shirt after striped-shirt, and they are ready to get down on one knee. Fascinating. It makes me think of how birds with most colorful or vibrant feathers attract mates. She's definitely a pretty peacock with her share of fawning male peacocks.

Looks aside, she appears to be taking this very seriously. As she has said repeatedly, "It worked the first time [with Brad]." That makes me think...it worked with Brad - up until it didn't work anymore....and now you are back again? I mean, yes, you got engaged on national television after a whirlwind romance and then you broke up when you actually got to know each other. Uh...okay, no comment here. Rationality aside, let's just enjoy the show for what it is: mindless entertainment.

On to the guys. A few have been sent home - Tony missed his son too much, Joe got the boot while in West Virginia (bummer! - that was rather unexpected), and a few others (namely, Stevie) have not received roses. I'm not sure what's going on with Travis and his egg - why did they smash it? Was anyone else kind of horrified by as their symbolic child hit the pavement? - while Kalon continues to annoy the crap out of me. Tall, skinny, and condescending - Emily nailed it. Just add to that list: pretentious, self-involved, and enjoys wearing stupid glasses with a nasaly voice. Why did he get a rose again?

As for front-runners, I really think Arie has this in the bag. First, he's just as good-looking as Emily (like begets like). Second, he's in a sport that may be potentially painful for her to be near, but it's familiar to her and she more than anyone understands what it's like to date a race car driver. I think that familiarity will really go a long way. And finally, she's already confiding in him about the other guys? That screams a.) she trusts him and b.) they've gotten past the "How many siblings do you have?" chats to have more process-oriented conversations (i.e. "This is really stressful...[smoochie, smoochie, snuggle]" And yes, I was shocked that they were literally making out in front of all the other guys. Emily strikes me as the type of gal that gets serious with one guy, fast. And I think for as much as ABC wants to drag this out, it's going to be obvious that it's Arie in the end. Because it was always Arie from the beginning.

Other guys to watch: love Doug but there is something off with him. Too sensitive, maybe? He had a really tough life (father passed away, in foster care, etc) which may be a little off-putting. Jef seems rather boring but Emily likes the little verbal banter between them. Chris is cute but only 25; you could tell the moment he said his age, she gave him a mental strike. Which is kind of funny, since it seems like girls (like myself) can be flexible about so much, but there are some things - like age - that are simply non-negotiable. If she has always dated older guys, I guarantee you this is one of those weird no-flexibility rules in her head. Hair color, eye color, occupation - all flexible. Age? Nope. Must. Be. Older.

(Arie is 30, just FYI.)

And finally, can just say: I'm impressed with the Bachelorette so far. I like her moms' group. I like her sass. If she ever wanted to move to Vegas, I think she'd fit right in with our playground gang. Little Ricky Bobby is a bit older than the rest of the crowd, but she could be a little junior baby-sitter and push the toddlers on the swings while the moms drink coffee on the park bench. So Emily, in the unlikely event that you are reading this, know that you have friends in Vegas. Just give us a shout if you ever come to town. :-) 

What are you thoughts? Do you think Arie has this in the bag, or is there a dark horse in the mix? How many sparkly dresses do you think Emily will wear this season? And most importantly...which guy strikes you as future Bachelor material???

Editor's note: My very sweet Spanish-speaking friend and former-intern-turned-new-mom Mariana emailed me today with this little tidbit: "compromiso" in Spanish means commitment. She thinks that Alessandro was just simply trying to say Ricky Bobby represents a commitment, not a compromise in the relationship, but it was lost in translation. Based on his reaction in the limo of utter confusion, I totally agree. Poor guy. And thank you, Mariana, for your help! Let's hope this gets straightened out (or at least addressed) during "The Guys Tell All" in a few months.

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