The Calendar

So I had every intention of reviewing 'The Pact' by Jodi Picoult yesterday afternoon. Instead, my afternoon was interrupted by a rather disturbing conversation with my husband.

Okay, I understand that most lawyers live and die by their calendar. Hell, let's even give it the proper authority and capitalize the 'c.' Particularly litigators (the guys that go to court a lot) need their Calendars almost as much as oxygen. Brian is no different. With a million different files on his desk as any one time (no hyperbole here), he needs to be on top of what he needs to get done on a daily-to-weekly basis. With Brian as the primary (and only) breadwinner in the house these days, he's taking his role as provider very seriously and working long hours. I understand his motives, but it still can be frustrating. Particularly when he confuses me for his secretary and attempts to schedule the birth of our child, "just to make things easier."

[deep breath]

While I recognize the importance of the Calendar, the following conversation still let me scratching my head:

Time: Monday, about 3pm.
[phone rings]
B: Hi sweetie.
K: Hi. How is work going?
B:  Good. I'm looking at my August Calendar, and trying to figure out my schedule.
K: [playing Spider Solitaire and listening with 1/2 an ear] Mh-hmm? Oh really? Do you have a lot coming up?
B: Yeah, it's gonna be pretty tight. I have that trial, a whole week of depositions and then that arbitration at the end of the month...
K: Uh-huh [now watching 'A Baby Story,' trying to figure out if she should eat the last brownie]
B:...so I was wondering if you could give me a time frame on this baby.
K: [puts brownie down] What?
B: Yeah, I'm trying to get an idea of when the baby will be here. Do you think you can give me an estimate?
K: [now fully focused on the phone call] Pardon me?
B: Well, I'm looking at the beginning of August - like, around August 10th, and I'm wondering if I should wait on these depos. I mean, do you think it will be mid-August? After the 15th?
K: [aghast] What? What are you talking about? Are you trying to schedule our child's birth?
B: [quieter] Well, no. I'm just trying to get a rough estimate so my Calendar won't be all messed up. I've already blocked off a chunk of September and -
K [interrupting, voice getting louder]: You what? You want me to give you a window or something? Isn't that the million dollar question these days? Are you kidding me? ARE YOU [BLEEP] KIDDING ME?
B: [sounding genuinely surprised]: What? Why are you so upset? I'm just trying to -
K: [completely losing it]: You are trying to schedule the birth of your child around your Calendar? What the [BLEEP] are you thinking? If you aren't there because of some stupid depo, I swear to God, I will...

**5 minutes later, I was still going strong**

..and if your blackberry is anywhere near the delivery room, at any point while I am giving birth, so help you God...

**another 5 minutes pass**

...and if you want to talk about schedules, let's talk about mine. Because I don't have one anymore. I have no schedule. I have no job. I am nothing except an incubator for this child...

**Finally, blessedly, I started to wind down**

...you cannot get fired, no court will sanction you for failing to appear at a hearing b/c your wife is in labor, so really, your only fear is going to be your wife breaking both of your arms."

[silence]

B: [very quiet now] Okay, okay. Of course I will be there. I'm not saying I wouldn't. I was just...I was just...never mind. I love you. Give the baby a pat for me.
K: Okay. I love you, too.

This is the problem with pregnancy. A seemingly innocent (although kind of dumb) question can spiral into a 20 minute diatribe in which neither party wins. I'm so glad I was an MFT, with training specifically designed to de-escalate situations within families and couples. Because I clearly used zero skills here.

Brian did get the final word in later that night. We were laughing about the conversation (he was playing around the damn blackberry, saying he had an opening on August 21st, from 10am-2pm...how did our baby feel about that?) and admitted his phone will probably be in the delivery room.

I turned to face him, ready to explode again, when he quickly said, "Yeah - it's because the minute this child comes into the world, you are going to want me to update your blog, your facebook page, and send an email to everyone we know the second our child takes his first breath."

Er. He has a point. I hate it when he's right. :-)