It needs to be stated: I have a tiny artistic side. I can draw. I can paint. I can sculpt things (butter being my favorite medium). That side, however, is more often overrun by another side: neurotic perfectionism. Therefore, my artistic side usually stays safely in the closet, far out of reach. Consequently, my kitchen floor remains spotless and I sleep well at night. I'm okay with this.
And then, I discovered Pinterest.
Yes, yes, I know all of you have been on it for decades. I steadfastly refused since my life is already one giant stereotype. I realized this last week as I shopped for coconut water at Whole Foods after spin class. I do not need to learn to fish-tail braid my hair or make the perfect cat eye, nor do I need to decorate our fireplace for fall. I must preserve some semblance of wit before I lose myself completely, right?. But I will say, have you seen the little witches you can make out of marshmallows and Hersey kisses? They are really adorable. And they look so easy to make...
I logged on only because I wanted some paint color ideas. I know, it sounds innocent enough. And then I was all "OMG!" and "Nu-uh!" and "Hey Brian, leave me alone - I'm pinning!" Yes, I realized I used "pinning" as a verb (technically a gerund but who's counting) and then every night after Scotty went to sleep, I found myself looking forward with great anticipation to ignoring my husband and happily pinning stuff to my wall. Ah, happy times.
With that, I became obsessed with making the perfect wreath for fall. I'm not a sticks-and-twigs-kinda-gal, nor am I a fan of dried flowers. I believe in the miracle power of a hot glue gun, so when I found this monster wreath, I thought it was whimsical, clever, and in my artistic ballpark.
And then, I discovered Pinterest.
Yes, yes, I know all of you have been on it for decades. I steadfastly refused since my life is already one giant stereotype. I realized this last week as I shopped for coconut water at Whole Foods after spin class. I do not need to learn to fish-tail braid my hair or make the perfect cat eye, nor do I need to decorate our fireplace for fall. I must preserve some semblance of wit before I lose myself completely, right?. But I will say, have you seen the little witches you can make out of marshmallows and Hersey kisses? They are really adorable. And they look so easy to make...
I logged on only because I wanted some paint color ideas. I know, it sounds innocent enough. And then I was all "OMG!" and "Nu-uh!" and "Hey Brian, leave me alone - I'm pinning!" Yes, I realized I used "pinning" as a verb (technically a gerund but who's counting) and then every night after Scotty went to sleep, I found myself looking forward with great anticipation to ignoring my husband and happily pinning stuff to my wall. Ah, happy times.
With that, I became obsessed with making the perfect wreath for fall. I'm not a sticks-and-twigs-kinda-gal, nor am I a fan of dried flowers. I believe in the miracle power of a hot glue gun, so when I found this monster wreath, I thought it was whimsical, clever, and in my artistic ballpark.
I happily trotted off for my first trip ever to Hobby Lobby (I didn't even know we had one in Vegas!) to buy all kinds of crafty-looking materials: a 14-inch styrofoam wreath, styrofoam balls, foam board, some fabric, and 100 yards of tulle. Paint and a glue gun were already at home. I figured I'd bust this puppy out in 45 minutes, and then spend the rest of my night looking at ideas for decorating our mantle for fall.
(how quickly the proud fall.)
Six hours later, our kitchen was a disaster. I had erased all of my fingerprints due to hapless hot glue incidents, and I was swearing like a sailor. I think Pinterest should come with a disclaimer: "Items featured here look much less complicated than they actually are. Proceed with caution."
(how quickly the proud fall.)
Six hours later, our kitchen was a disaster. I had erased all of my fingerprints due to hapless hot glue incidents, and I was swearing like a sailor. I think Pinterest should come with a disclaimer: "Items featured here look much less complicated than they actually are. Proceed with caution."
Maybe I'm confusing artsy with crafty, but my god, this wreath was almost the death of me. I cut the strips of tulle into 12 inch sections, like the directions said, and then spent HOURS tying those mother-f'ers to the wreath. Like, hours. HOURS. Do you know how long it takes to purchase a wreath? A few clicks on your mouse (and I'll spot you a few minutes for having to get up to get your credit card number. I have mine memorized to be more time-efficient.) Why, in God's name, did this sound like a good idea? Do you what I can do with six hours of my life? Tying 1,000 pieces of tulle on a crappy plastic wreath thing is not on that list.
Making the foam teeth...let me just ask, when is the last time you cut foam board? That sh*t is tough, man. I sawed away at the board for 45 minutes before I got something that looked like teeth. Upon closer inspection, the teeth are all jagged and lopsided and the monster has a serious overbite to boot. I know he's a monster and not a super model, but it still looks tacky.
I thought I would feel this sense of completion having finished the wreath - but then the bow tie fell off. Like, eight times. Clearly, hot glue is not as powerful as I imagine it to be. And then the wreath wouldn't stay on its hanger on the door, causing me to pin the ribbon on its back within an inch of its life. It's especially windy today in Vegas, so as a precaution, I brought it inside. It only weighs like, 3 ounces, so better keep it in the house. I'd hate for all of my hard work to perish down the street in the manner of our garbage cans in the wind.
So I guess my point is: Pinterest can be dangerous, for any number of reasons. Don't believe the pretty pictures. A lifetime of work went into that decoupaged mirror. Thousands of dollars were spent on that tree made out of buttons. Don't worry - I'll stay on it for the humor boards. But as for my craftiness? I think it might stay in the closet. I am still picking up bits of foam board from my floor, and I've glued the bow tie back on now four times today.
I feel like this sums it up best:
Making the foam teeth...let me just ask, when is the last time you cut foam board? That sh*t is tough, man. I sawed away at the board for 45 minutes before I got something that looked like teeth. Upon closer inspection, the teeth are all jagged and lopsided and the monster has a serious overbite to boot. I know he's a monster and not a super model, but it still looks tacky.
I thought I would feel this sense of completion having finished the wreath - but then the bow tie fell off. Like, eight times. Clearly, hot glue is not as powerful as I imagine it to be. And then the wreath wouldn't stay on its hanger on the door, causing me to pin the ribbon on its back within an inch of its life. It's especially windy today in Vegas, so as a precaution, I brought it inside. It only weighs like, 3 ounces, so better keep it in the house. I'd hate for all of my hard work to perish down the street in the manner of our garbage cans in the wind.
So I guess my point is: Pinterest can be dangerous, for any number of reasons. Don't believe the pretty pictures. A lifetime of work went into that decoupaged mirror. Thousands of dollars were spent on that tree made out of buttons. Don't worry - I'll stay on it for the humor boards. But as for my craftiness? I think it might stay in the closet. I am still picking up bits of foam board from my floor, and I've glued the bow tie back on now four times today.
I feel like this sums it up best:
Word.
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