Hey! Let's sign up for this race! It would be fun to run X number of miles/climb through a bunch of obstacles/dress like a Leprechuan/run through some old tunnels! Sign me up!!
I'll start training next week.
Eleven weeks until the race:
Oof. This is harder than I thought. Wow, my legs really hurt. Gosh, I'm kind of fat. I think I need to get new shoes. Yup, new shoes. That's my problem. I'll just get some new sneaks and I'll be on fire! Let's gooooo!
Ten weeks until the race:
Man, I love my new shoes! I'm feeling great!
Nine weeks until the race:
God I'm tired. My legs ache, my back hurts...why does my back hurt? I don't even use my back. I should probably cross-train. I probably need new shoes.
Eight weeks until the race:
Now everything on my body hurts, including my arms. Why did I think this was a good idea? I know, I'll just take a few days off to recover. Just a little vacation from all of this training and I'll be good as new.
Seven weeks until the race:
Holy sh*tballs, why did I take so much time off? I feel awful! I've lost all of my conditioning and endurance! Oh my God it's like starting all over again! And there are only seven weeks until the race! I know - I'll recruit some friends to do the race with me! Misery loves company, right?
Six weeks until the race:
I feel awesome! I can do this! I am KING OF THE WORLD!
Five weeks until the race:
I'm so bleeping tired I can't even hold my head upright anymore. I can't believe none of my friends are doing the race. I need new friends.
Four weeks until the race:
I'm KING OF THE WORLD!
Three weeks until the race:
I'm going to be so excited when this is all over. I'm going to eat a giant cheeseburger/a cupcake/multiple cupcakes/an entire bag of potato chips/2 liters of regular Coke. In one sitting. I can't waaaaaaait!
Two weeks until the race:
So I heard that if you drink apple cider vinegar/put leeches on your legs/get a massage/trim your toenails/eat lots of almonds, you run faster. Hmmm. Must invest in some leeches.
Ten days until the race:
Okay, crap. Leeches are disgusting. Who has some vinegar?
Nine days until the race:
My tummy doesn't feel so good.
Screw it, I don't need this stress. I'll just run the [insert smaller race here]. And I'll drink a beer afterwards. Now that will make me run faster!
Eight days until the race:
You heard what? The weather was going to be hot/cold/rainy/sunny/overcast/windy? OMG! That is going to ruin my time! What am I going to do?
For the next four days:
::silently frets over the weather::
Three days before the race:
WHAT AM GOING TO WEAR?!?!?!
Two days before the race:
But I've never run in long pants/shorts/running shorts/a blue shirt/a pink shirt!
::insert overly-dramatic wail here::
Day before the race:
OMG! Please Lord, let me poop today. Should I trim my toenails? When do I pick up my packet? Should I retie my shoes? Why did I think this was a good idea? I NEED NEW SHOES!!!
Can you carb-load with cupcakes? No, I'm serious.
Day of the race:
::no comment. Because like child birth, you blank out on all the important details. Like pain::
That was awesome! Let's do it again!
Editor's note: So yes, I'm running in a 10K tomorrow at McCarran airport. I'm currently in the "Why the hell did I think this was a good idea?" phase as it will be over 100 degrees out there. It's only a little over six miles, but the heat is really freaking me out. For whatever reason, when I signed up, it said we'd be running Terminal 3 (the new one) and I thought they meant inside - like jumping over airport chairs and luggage and stuff. Nope - we're outside. In full sun. I'll let you know how it goes on Monday.
But first...do you think I should trim my toenails? :-)
And I'll be honest...as I wrote this, I was sipping on apple cider vinegar.