-- the intentional and willful deletion of a previously approved friend on one's Facebook account. Deliberate and with purpose. May or may not be done with malice.
Also see: "I'm just not that into you," "Don't call me, I'll call you," and "You suck."
So, I got defriended this weekend.
By two people. Two people, interestedly, that are friends with each other. Coincidence? Hmm...
It was a strange moment, I'll admit. I was on the iPad, just surfing around on someone's page when I noticed my first alleged friend had a little block by her profile picture that said, "Add as a Friend." No wait, I thought, I'm already friends with you.
But I wasn't. At least, not anymore. When I clicked on her profile pic, I saw nothing. Except the little box that said I could add her as a friend.
And then I scrolled down further and realized yet another friend, a very good friend to my new non-friend, had also hit the termination button on me. She had the same box by her name and again, no access to her page.
I will admit, I was surprised. And hurt. Here were two people that I considered friends, and I guess they didn't feel the same way anymore. Both have moved out of Vegas in the past few years, but I thought the distance was just physical, not emotional. I attended their baby showers. They attended mine. I saw them probably every few weeks when they lived here. I didn't really keep up with either on a daily basis anymore, but I know them. Does a move justify defriending someone? I have no idea.
Of course, I had to scroll through about 27 mutual friends' pages to see who else got defriended. And as it turns out...it was just me.
So that makes me think it was personal. What did I do wrong? Was I talking smack about something, as I am so prone to do? (also see: "Hygienist, My" from last week entries) Did I forget their birthday? Fail to acknowledge major moments in their life? Not comment on their photos? Honestly, I'm at a bit of a loss on this one. I probably did all of the above -- since it's impossible to keep up with absolutely everyone on Facebook -- but does that justify defriending someone?
I will admit, I went through a fairly quick grief reaction.
Denial: This can't be right. There must be a mistake. She probably accidentally deleted me and then the other one followed suit. I know - drunk defriending! I bet it was an accidental click of the mouse. They are probably no longer friends with a bunch of people...here, I'll double check...okay, nope that's not true. I really did get defriended. Hmph.
That makes me...
Angry! What the hell? Seriously? Oh my goodness, they are so stupid. They want to defriend me? I'll show them; I'll "unlike" any page they've ever suggested to me. Ha! Showed you! Jerks. But maybe, what if I...
Bargained? I'll just shoot them an email and let them know I know I'm defriended. I bet if I did that, they would probably re-friend me and we'll iron out whatever went wrong. But right now, I'm feeling really...
Depressed. Geez. I must be a loser if two people de-friended me. Gosh, this hurts. Am I smelly? Boring? Not fun? A bad friend? I'm probably a really bad friend. I still haven't sent [insert name of college friend here] a baby gift, and her kid is like, six weeks old. She'll probably defriend me next. Gosh, I'm lucky I have any friends at all. Loser.
Okay, wait. Why am I beating myself up? I am not a loser. I need to find a way toward...
Acceptance. You know what? In the big picture, this doesn't matter. How much did I like these people any way? I didn't really keep in touch with them, and they have moved on. They have every right to defriend me as I have not been a big part of their current lives. It's okay. I'll live. ::deep breath::
And because this is Facebook-level grief and grief not about an actual loss, I'm adding a sixth stage:
It's Facebook. All I need to do is turn off the computer and walk away. Problem solved.
(except that I have it on my phone and iPad. Damn you, social media!)