You come down here right now and play with me! No, on the floor. With my Leggos. No, not like that, like this. Okay, good. Now sit there and play. Good Mom.
We made it through the Specific Phase.
Can I have cheesy crackers on the couch in a plastic bowl while watching the Grumpy Owl on 'Peter Rabbit'? Can I have some water in my orange big-boy cup with a blue straw and three ice cubes? Thank you, Mom!
And now, we enter...::scary music::...
The Question Phase.
Mom, are those mean storm clouds?
Are knights nice?
Why do knights carry shields?
Do dragons breath hot lava?
Do dragons breath cold lava?
What is cold lava?
Are snakes nice?
Do snakes bite? Or sting?
Do butterflies bite? Or sting?
Is that a wasp?
Are all wasps mean?
Do some wasps sting?
Do all wasps sting?
Why do wasps sting?
Is that a rain cloud?
Are rain clouds nice?
At Christmas, will there be snow?
It's adorable for about the first five hours. And then, the questions really start to grate. Brian usually comes home to find me curled up on the couch, humming loudly, while the boy stands there, hurling question after question at me. Why do you have a pillow over your head, Mommy?
I texted Brian a few weeks ago while he was at chicken wings that said, "We have been talking about wasps for the last 45 min." Brian replied, "What's there to say?" Me: "So much. Size, shape, color, nice, not nice..."
And then 20 minutes later, he got another text:
"Kill me now. Still wasps."
He came home shortly. No one should ever be subjected to an hour-long discussion about wasps, unless he is a budding entomologist. Scotty is still pretty set on becoming the Guy Who Drives the Recycling Truck, so this interest in bugs is a bit surprising.
The questions are hard to answer, too. Are snakes nice? Well, kind of. Ask my mom and she'll wax poetic about the functionality of snakes in nature. Ask just about anyone else and they will say no, kill it! Rain clouds? Again, needed but not good if you are going to a picnic. How do you explain "grey area" to a three-year old?
And, just in case you are curious...my answers.
Yes; it protects them
Ask your grandmother
Some snakes bite; they don't sting. But don't get too close to any
snakes. If you see a snake, go find your father. But don't kill it
because that would make your grandmother sad.
No, butterflies are nice
Wasps sting you if you bother them
Yes, water is needed to make the grass and flowers grow. Too much
rain, however, is a bad thing. Then things flood. Flooding is bad.
We live in a desert. There will likely be no snow at Christmas. The last
time it snowed here was December 18, 2008. The whole city
shut down for two days. Mommy and Daddy couldn't go to work, and
all the schools shut down.
Do the math one day, and you'll figure out
how Mom and Dad stayed occupied.