The Top Ten Ways You Know You Are Lactating...
10.) Wearing just a tank top seems obscene.
9.) When a food particle falls into your shirt, it takes you 20 minutes to find it.
8.) See #9 - You avoid hibachi grills for this very reason - God forbid the chef picks you to toss the shrimp at.
7.) Your husband doesn't bat an eyelash when he comes from work to find you pumping on the couch, watching Oprah and talking on the phone. And the person on the other line doesn't care that you are pumping, either.
6.) You haven't been this topless this Spring Break '99 in Cancun.*
5.) You commonly refer to yourself as the 'Grocery Store.'
4.) You can eat like a sumo wrestler. (You might not be losing weight, but at least you are not gaining weight. "Why yes, thank you, I would like a second donut.")
3.) Not only do both breasts have names, but they also have personalities. (Lefty is clearly an eager-to-please socialist that is quick to respond; Old Righie is a curmudgeonly old coot that is rather conservation and slow to produce, though rich in hindmilk.)
2.) Even after toweling off after a shower, you are still dripping.
and finally, the number one way you know you are lactating...
1.) You spend so much time by yourself (or with the baby) that you start to write 'Top Ten' lists in your head.
*Hi, Mom. Don't worry - I never been to Spring Break in Cancun. I'd like to think I was rather conservative in college (and still am.)
10.) Wearing just a tank top seems obscene.
9.) When a food particle falls into your shirt, it takes you 20 minutes to find it.
8.) See #9 - You avoid hibachi grills for this very reason - God forbid the chef picks you to toss the shrimp at.
7.) Your husband doesn't bat an eyelash when he comes from work to find you pumping on the couch, watching Oprah and talking on the phone. And the person on the other line doesn't care that you are pumping, either.
6.) You haven't been this topless this Spring Break '99 in Cancun.*
5.) You commonly refer to yourself as the 'Grocery Store.'
4.) You can eat like a sumo wrestler. (You might not be losing weight, but at least you are not gaining weight. "Why yes, thank you, I would like a second donut.")
3.) Not only do both breasts have names, but they also have personalities. (Lefty is clearly an eager-to-please socialist that is quick to respond; Old Righie is a curmudgeonly old coot that is rather conservation and slow to produce, though rich in hindmilk.)
2.) Even after toweling off after a shower, you are still dripping.
and finally, the number one way you know you are lactating...
1.) You spend so much time by yourself (or with the baby) that you start to write 'Top Ten' lists in your head.
*Hi, Mom. Don't worry - I never been to Spring Break in Cancun. I'd like to think I was rather conservative in college (and still am.)
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