The Bachelor: Brad Womack Finally Grows a Backbone
The Bachelor: Welcome to Jurassic Park!
Okay, was anyone else a little creeped out when the camera panned the island and the helicopter in the first shot of this show? It was similar to the opening of "Jurassic Park" with the music and all, and I half expected an elderly man to hobble out to the heli‐pad, bejeweled‐amber walking stick and all, to welcome Brad to "his" island.
Chain up the goat, the Bachelor has arrived!
There were no T‐Rex on this island, sadly (if you don't count Michelle) but there was plenty of rain, drama and giant bugs. For the first date, Chantal scored the first one‐on‐one and big surprise, it rained. Again. You just know that if she's the final one left standing, they are going to make a big deal about how rain is their "thing." Yeah, yeah, every time it rains, you are going to think of your love for each other. Blah, blah. And everyone knows it's good luck to have rain on your wedding day (a weak excuse to console the bride, if you ask me), so if she is the lucky gal, she'll be hoping for a Jason‐Molly‐like downpour. (note to Chantal: wear waterproof make‐up.)
And yes, she got a rose. She was a "good sport" who had to follow Brad to his hotel room, change out of her wet clothes, and don on of Brad's white button‐down shirts. ::yawn:: I would blame this turn of Chantal's good fortune on the producers manipulating the weather, but at last check, I don't think they are that powerful. Yet. Perhaps Mother Nature will be cast in the next round of lucky Bachelorettes. We could be only so lucky.
The rest of the gals minus Alli were on the group date, and it was one of those "don a helmet and rappel down a waterfall" kind of dates. In other words, just the kind of thing to send --
OMG blog update: Brian just interrupted me to announce there is a new Angry Birds game after the final level...yes, Angry Birds fan, grab your phones/Ipads...there are more pigs to be killed —
Michelle into a pouty, angry stance. Because after all, she and Brad made a "promise" (I use that word very loosely) to each other that they would never rappel down another wall without each other.
Brad spoke with each girl during their hot tub time - pardon, their "natural hot springs" time (sounds delish, no?) and Emily scored zero roses for dunking under the water and then coming up with massive raccoon eyes. Again, wha? You wear a glopping load of mascara, and yet on a water date, you forget to put on the waterproof kind? While I was fairly happy to find out that Emily, Ye of the Slender Legs was really, truly human, I was kind of bummed she would pull such a rookie stunt. Emily, we've come to expect more from you. Because you have slender legs and all.
At least their date wasn't in a cemetery. Big props to ABC productions.
And my second favorite moment of the night is when Brad and Michelle heard the screaming from the girls' room about the giant beetle, and yet sat firmly rooted in their hot springs, unmoving. For all they knew, there was an ax murderer in Costa Rica. But to them, they were going to finish their conversation about the other gals and how they are all "wrong" for Brad. Thanks, Michelle. You are nothing if not consistent.
I'm happy to report Alli and Chantal were not being bludgeoned to death, but were instead fighting off a massive, crunchy looking beetle. I find this very amusing since just hours earlier, I had set my 30-pound, very naked child in the tub only to discover this very large, very hairy spider creeping on the edge. Yes, I emitted a few girly "Eek!s", but I gathered my motherly wits about me and managed to crush the spider (and all of my good Buddist karma) into a pocket of toilet paper while yelling, "You will NOT hurt my child!" before hurling the mass into the toilet. Three years ago, I'm not sure I would have been able to do this. But Motherhood gives one amazing strength and courage, and I'm happy my kid was not attacked by the not‐so‐Itsy‐Bitsy Spider while bathing. Sadly, he did not survive to climb the water spout.
I was also thinking about if Scotty had joined Brad and I (instead of Alli, natch) on their one‐on‐one date on that strange, sinking lily pad of a platform. I just saw myself constantly yelling, "No, Scotty, don't get too close to the edge...no, Scotty, no...Scotty, too close! Scotty! SCOTT! [blurg]"
[that was me jumping in to retrieve my child from the lagoon he just jumped in]
and wondering what Brad would have thought about our very short, very wet date. Alli didn't seem to fair much better, and Brad, thankfully, sent her home. I mean, I think we all knew she was going home after Brad showed up that morning with the World's Smallest Horse for her to ride. This is the same girl who once said someone broke up with her because her backside was too big? And you are going to give her a tiny horse to ride? Maybe Brad does have a sense of humor after all.
Michelle capitalized on this opportunity by seeking him out later that night (or so we were lead to believe. Shady editing.) She went through all of the girls, one by one, and explained to him why/how she is the only "right" woman for him. Yawn. Okay, producers, we get it. You casted her based on her crazy. Yup, she's proven that. You had me at "rappel." So why don't we just allow Michelle to smother Brad in his sleep and call it a day? Because that makes for great ratings.
But she didn't. And another rose ceremony went through. Has anyone else noticed the lack of voice overs by Chris Harrison, i.e "the most dramatic rose ceremony EVER," or is it just me? I kind of miss Chris. He's like that really good guy friend from high school that you don't really notice until he's gone. Come back, Chris. This is turning into the most boring season, ever. I mean, after last week's tear‐fest and all.
I was sure Michelle was going home, but Brian had it right: Jackie got the boot. Brad did the obligatory hug and then watched her car drive off, but I don't think he was sad for very long. The crew is headed to Anguilla for more surf/sand/cocktails, and Jackie is headed back to a very snowy East Coast. Bummer, Jackie. Hope you brought your scarf.
As we are closing in the home dates, I'm starting to get a clearer picture of the front runners. Emily is still a leader, but Chantal is emerging stronger and stronger. She did drop the 'l' word this week (in her cheetah‐inspired cougar dress, no less. Do these girls have gift cards to Ann Taylor or something?) Britt, the timid blond, is still hanging around, but I'd like to hope Michelle's shelf life is almost up. Ashely the Dentist was fairly quiet this episode, as was Shawntel. Six girls left, only five (four?) hometown dates. Shocking, no?
Thoughts? Concerns? Did anyone else enjoy the praying mantis montage as much as I did, in the ending credits?
"The female of the species is more deadly than the male."