The Bachelor: How Many Studies Does Chantal O's Home Have?
The Bachelor: Food Looters Report to Madawaska, Maine; They Use the Honor System
The Bachelor: Calling the Tiger Mom - Your Services are Needed in Charlotte, NC
I have no quippy comment for Shawntel, because putting your potential boyfriend on a prep table in a funeral home is just poor form. Poor, poor form.
This show has totally jumped the shark for me. Everything Brad does irritates me - his drawl, his expressions of mock surprise, his demeanor as he listens intently to future in-laws give their daughters away after meeting the potential suitor for less than six hours. I mean, I think Chantal O's father would have thrown in a couple of bags of wool and maybe a cow or two if Brad had proposed that night. I got the distinct feeling he was looking to unload his daughter (again) to the next available guy. Maybe she comes over to dinner too often? Boca pees on their very expensive rug? Who knows.
Anyways, the hometown dates were what we all expected. Brad started in Seattle where he did not run into Molly and Jason (shocking!), but he did get a chance to talk with Chantal O's mother, who has clearly had some work done. In fact, I'd be willing to bet her dad has, too. Those foreheads did not move an inch. The car business must be fairly lucrative, considering their house boasts the much-envied double staircase entry. After dinner, the family retreated to different wings of the house to converse - Brad and Mr. O in one study, and Chantal and Mrs. O in another. The family seemed nice, they exchanged pleasantries, and drank wine out of large glasses. Overall, it was pretty standard.
Then Brad traveled to the northeastern most part of the USA - Ashley's hometown. They bounced up and down upon greeting, exclaimed how cute each one looked in flannel, and promptly headed to a diner for some cheese fries with gravy. I find this gravy thing very interesting. See, I've never had anything except maybe some mashed potatoes or a slice of turkey covered in gravy. Yet my husband, who comes from a northernly state like Ashley, has eaten just about everything covered in gravy. Gravy is all over the menu - on fries, meatloaf, sausage, donuts. (ha! Just kidding on the last one.) Is it once you hit a certain latitude, gravy becomes an acceptable condiment? Food accessory? Personally, I think it's gross (and unnecessary), but Brad was a good sport and ate his fries smothered in brown gravy. And probably did about 600 extra sit-ups to make for it.
Ashley then dragged him to her house where she greeted her family as though she had been kidnapped 20 years ago and just recently found. Again, the family was wearing copious amounts of plaid, but seemed genuinely excited to meet a person from Texas. They even gave Brad the big lobster. I'm starting to wonder what the tagline for Madawaska, Maine is...home of high cholesterol? Heart disease? Seriously. Good thing the fruits and veggies are free - oops, I mean, distributed on an honor system - to combat all of that bad food.
After Maine, Brad headed west to Chico, California to visit with Shawntel and her family. But did anyone catch the commercial that aired directly before this segment? It was for the Newton Funeral Home. Shawntel's family. Maybe it was only a west coast thing, but really? This is a Bachelor first. Shilling for business while your daughter is a contestant. I don't know whether to be appalled or commend them on their savvy business smarts. And it's not like they are in the car business...it's a funeral home. Anyone outside of Chico and the neighboring areas, are we really going to use their services?
But either way, Shawntel took it upon herself to drop the news to the family - on national television, no less - that she may not continue with the family business. This is after the crew toured the funeral home, got some good shots of Brad on the table, and even showed the (ewww) creamator. (is that what's it's called? The creamatorium? I don't know this...) Dad did not appreciate Shawntel's sudden declaration of independence, and took it upon himself to shame her - again, on national television - about how she wasn't there for the tragic accident that claimed the life of a local high school teacher's son. Tragically. What? Really? That's his argument? "You weren't home to comfort a grieving parent; you need to stop this search for love and pick up your scalpel. These dead bodies aren't embalming themselves, you know."
Oh holy cats.
Thankfully, Shawntel managed to stand her ground with Daddy Death and smoothed things over. You could tell Brad was a little skeeved out by the whole thing - not the death/dying stuff, but the family drama. Because we all know Brad can't handle any kind of family drama. ("I never knew my father...")
And then, it was on to Charlotte, NC where the crew made time to film a couple shots of the NASCAR stadium. Ah, subtle. ABC is a classy operation. Brad met Emily (Madison) in the park where she was hanging out with Ricky Bobby and awkwardness ensued. For like, hours. Or at least, that's what they wanted us to believe. Brad gave little Ricky Bobby a kite, but per Brian: "A kite? That's it? Buy the kid a bike. You are making a big impression. Pull out the big guns." Ricky Bobby handled it like any five year old would - there was some shyness, some hiding, some passive aggression, and then finally, she took the damn kite. I think the Tiger Mom would have been a welcomed relief in this scenario, since she would have kept the kite herself, told Ricky Bobby to obey her new father, and then promptly shuffled her off to practice the piano for the next four hours.
Once Ricky Bobby was safely tucked in bed later that night (again, how do you go from "I don't want my child to meet of my boyfriends" to consenting to have her bedroom filmed for a national TV show?), Brad turned into a total mush-ball and declared he couldn't kiss Emily since her daughter was sleeping upstairs. God bless Emily, who clearly hasn't been tainted by the traps of fame and can still speak her mind, since she replied, "This is what it's gonna be like if you pick me. This is my life." Thank you, Emily, for inserting a tiny bit of reality into this reality show. Brad relented, they smooched, and he left.
At the rose ceremony, it was Shawntel who didn't get a rose. Chantal should have been cited by the fashion police for wearing red satin (soooo not flattering) and Ashley looked worried the whole time. It's off to South Africa for the gang next week, and here's hoping they run into Simba, Nala, and the whole gang. Cross-promotion, ABC??