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TV Review: The Bachelor with Ben, Ep 5: Panama

2/7/2012

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I am so over this show.

Dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Even dumber with the fact that Ben picks (shhh!) Courtney.

I am just not vested. Sorry.

I watched the last 30 minutes of the show last night, and then caught the first 90 minutes this afternoon during nap time. Again, I'm a little miffed that I feel forced to spend precious nap time minutes watching a silly show (and now I'm writing about it), but I'm making the conscious decision so I'll own it.

Also, life and JL work has slowed down, so it was actually nice to sit on the couch, Chobani pineapple yogurt in hand, taking in the group's shenanigans.

I'll sum this up quickly: Ben and Co. are in Panama. Ben and Kacie B get the first date. Kacie tells him she had an eating disorder in high school. (C'mon Kacie...make it a little more interesting than that. Tell him you got arrested or something. For drug trafficking. Oooo, that's a good one!) Ben gives her a rose. Kacie eats the rose. (no! Just kidding. Wanted to make sure you were still paying attention. I know, I'm bored, too.)

Ben goes on a bizarre group date in which they torture a nice village in Panama. Courtney inexplicably goes au natural under her little dingle-dangle bra thing. The other girls shoot her mean looks. Ben gives her extra points for "trying." (is that what you call it, Ben?)  Courtney prances around in a white bikini during the group date, interrupting Ben's time with Jaime. Jaime compares Courtney to Brad Pitt. Kim (me) wonders what Courtney eats and how many miles a day she runs. Ben gives Lindzi the rose, and Emily apologizes to Courtney. Courtney, being a self-involved princess, doesn't accept it. Memo to Emily: she doesn't play fair. The end.

Oh wait, we still have the crappy two-on-one date. Blakeley, a bit too eager, didn't really seem to grasp the idea that someone goes home on that date. Rachel played it cool, salsa'd the best she could, and got a rose. Blakeley stormed out of the restaurant. End Scene III.

And then, like some strange intermission, Chris Harrison shows up (cue the scary music!) and tells Kacie S (who, by the way, has gotten no camera time this whole season) that he knows that she is still in love with her ex-boyfriend. Huh? That's a pretty big accusation to throw around. Kacie utters the best line I've ever heard on this series, almost as though she was wondering out loud: "I dunno. Maybe I need a therapist."

Yes, Kacie. You do.

Kacie cries and exits. Based on the previews, I thought someone in her family was sick. Nope, just that pesky ex-boyfriend. And Chris' Harrision's bold accusations. Memo to the world: Don't mess with Chris Harrison.

With Blakeley gone and Kacie crying in the back of some Jeep, Jaime decides to do "choreograph" a kiss between her and Ben. This results in three minutes of the most squirm-inducing uncomfortableness I've ever experienced from a TV show. I mean, give me more zombie guts from "The Walking Dead" or awful situations on "Breaking Bad." Please. That is better than what transpired between Jaime and Ben. Even Ben couldn't keep a straight face.

And this is my thing: Jaime hasn't kissed him yet? Ben pretty much did the deed with Courtney last week. She needs to make up some serious ground.

But it's too late - no rose for Jaime. Jaime exits stage left.

And with that, we have the rest of the gang. They are off to Belize next week (as I jokingly said to Brian, "So cool! I just love Asia!") and I'm sure the dumbness continues. The only person with half a brain is darling Emily, and Ben enjoys discounting what she is saying every step of the way.

I guess we see what we want to see.

Good luck with Courtney, Ben.
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