The only word that comes to mind when I think about last night's show is "anti-climatic." I think everyone in the free world had guessed that in the end, Jillian picked Ed. Despite Kiptyn's blandness, Brian and I were both shocked and saddened that Jillian also essentially turned down San Diego by proxy. Maybe it's just us, but we both believe that that little city by the sea is America's version of utopia. I mean, Shamu lives there. What more could you want?
It was helpful, however, to finally understand the root of Jillian's insecurity. In two words: her sister. Ouch. As soon as Tori (?) came on the screen, both Brian and I groaned. Tori, with her cute nose, high cheekbones, and shiny hair made Jillian pale in comparison, no doubt the reason behind Jillian's "great personality." Tori was also sporting what looked to be either an engagement ring or wedding band on the left hand, making the difference between the two even worse. I'm sure Tori made the cheerleading squad with ease, aced Canada's version of the SATs, and is married or engaged to her high school sweetheart. Perhaps they have one or two perfect looking Canandian children. ("Hey, dar") I'm sure Jillian was relegated to newpaper editor or perhaps joined the high school band (all not bad things...) to compete, but never felt as though she measured up. In Tori's shadow, Jillian's "adventurousness" seems more like recklessness and this need to find her true love on a TV show comes across as desperate, not self-confident. Poor Jillian. I hope the show gives her the number to a good therapist when the media blitz dies down. Certainly, this helps to explain the low self-esteem and pick the only guy in the show's history to ever willingly leave production for his job. In the words of Wayne Campbell, "I'm not worthy!"
Okay, enough about Jillian. I don't think Ed will ever be the same again after that disastrous Fantasy Date several weeks ago. Brian snorted every time Ed came on the screen wearing some variation of a pink and/or gingham shirt. Paired with the green man-kini shorts, well...Ed wasn't boosting our confidence in him. Before they took off on their helicopter date, Brian shouted at the TV, "Don't over-exert yourself, Ed!" to which we both dissolved in giggles. When they flew over the volcano, Brian snorted and muttered, "Irony." And of course, by the end of the date, that shot of the fire-red volcano spewing (ew) molten lava made both of us roll our eyes. I'm sure some some low-ranking production editors are high-fiving in a dark room somewhere in LA, pleased with their cleverness.
I tried really hard to give my full attention to Kiptyn during this episode, since in episodes past, I'm only able to fixate on his hair for several seconds before completely losing interest. The guy is just so vanilla. Don't get me wrong - he's like, perfect, wash-board abs, tanned delicious vanilla, but vanilla nonetheless. And again, despite my vow for complete concentration, I found I was more thoughtful about my evening snack (brownie, or brownie sundae?) than I was about Kiptyn's alleged love for Jillian. My only hope is that he entertains all offers from ABC in the coming months, and perhaps pulls a 'Bob' by marrying a soap star that can relate to his love of sit-ups and hair products. And in case you are curious, the brownie sundae won.
Do I even discuss Reid? It's kind of like kicking a puppy, in some ways. The poor guy didn't get to meet with Neil Lane (what was up with those rings? Is this is the post-recession look: millions of teeny-tiny diamonds squished together to look expensive? What happened to the clean, flawless look?) and worst of all, he had to show up for the final rose in a red mini-van. Ouch. He popped out of that van wearing what appeared to be a suit coat, buttoned-down shirt minus a tie, some kind of olive-colored khaki pants, and white sneakers. Did the show deny him a stylist, too?
I can't believe Jillian would even entertain the idea of Reid's proposal on the same day she was committed to accepting Ed's. Chris Harrison-turned-Mom-turned-therapist was able to steer Jillian in the right direction ("Follow your heart," he advised her solemnly. "What movie is that from?" I asked Brian. He replied, "No, you are confusing that with, "Cover your heart, Indy! Cover your heart!" and we both started giggling again). So sweaty Reid was sent packing, yet again, and hopped back into the presumably un-air conditioned wagon to lick his wounds.
I'm not sure what will happen on tonight's "After the Final Rose," but I'm not optimistic. After all, Jillian has been making these cryptic (Kiptyc?) remarks about how "she" is happy with the outcome, not "we." At least this season produced some of the more colorful characters to ever grace the series: dastardly Wes, chivalrous Jake, man-pup Michael. Maybe they'll name Wes as the next Bachelor? Nah. Then the show could only be aired only on VH1. :-)
Okay, I'm off to lay on the couch with the lights off and the shades drawn. Peace out.