Memories aside, is it me or is this season started to seem a little...slow? I'm struggling to care about the guys at this point - Arie seems like such clear cut winner that I'm having trouble focusing on everything else. Doug's "perfect" answers are wearing thin, Chris is too young, Jef stumbled out of the gate and just can't seem to catch the momentum that Arie has - leaving the race car driver as the winner. Maybe I'm dead wrong about that, but it seems fairly obvious at this point.
Emily is content to play on the beach with Ricky Bobby and dream of returning to the island with her "husband and babies, maybe pushing a baby stroller." Whoa, whoa, girlfriend. Slow your roll. You've known all of these dudes for less than 4 weeks - let's put the baby-stroller-dreams aside for a second. You have a one-on-one date to attend.
Doug landed the first date and you would have thought they asked him to walk through hot lava. He immediately began fretting, leaving him fair game for ridicule by the other guys. And he got mad, fast. Arie said it best - "Doug ANGRY. Doug SMASH. Doug sad." Hee, hee. I like Arie.
Emily really means business when she says she wants to find a husband, as she forced Doug to walk through the little shops in Hamilton and pretend to admire blown glass. Not sure if this date was her idea or production is really suffering budget issues, but Emily, live it up! Whatever ABC offers you, accept it! Go paragliding/hand-gliding/scuba diving or any other -diving related activity. Those activities are spendy, and once you have babies, you won't be able to do or afford any of that fun stuff. Live it up! Let's face it - shopping for coral necklaces makes for extremely dull TV.
(Editor's note: the perfume factory is still there! We went there!)
They talked, walked, and sat on the steps of a church. (::yawn::) Emily pressed Doug for serious answers, and he did the "turn-flaws-into-positive-attributes" thing. Yes Doug, we know you care too much and are too hard of a worker. Those are not bad things. I'm willing to bet Doug has a very serious dark side in there (as it started to come out during the guys' ribbing of him earlier that day), but he keeps it tightly contained. The Incredible Hulk is an excellent analogy - thank you, Arie.
There was no smoochie on this date and Doug referred to himself in the third person. I'm giving him 2 more episodes before he's toast.
On the group date, Emily saw fit to put the men on giant boats after a 20 second sailing lesson and have these amped-up alpha males careen around a harbor. Yikes. And then a third boat came into the harbor dumping explosive green slime and all of the boats blew up in a giant fireball. Oh wait, that was on Game of Thrones. My bad. No, these guys just took these massive, probably-incredibly-expensive boats and flipped around on them in a race to spend more time with Emily. The mellow-yellow team won, leaving the red team heartbroken and sobbing in the van. I will not make fun of Charlie, since I have a soft spot in my heart for the guy. Hang in there, bud. We known you are hurting.
After Emily and Arie made out on the beach for what seemed like forever, she and her white afghan blanket made the rounds with the other boys, making small talk with them while pretending to be interested (but secretly thinking about Arie the whole time). I bet you any money a producer told her to give the rose to Jef to make it seems less obvious that Arie is her main guy. She's kissed some of the other guys, but you can tell - she and Arie just dig each other.
After the group date, she had to suffer through the dreaded two-on-one date with Wolf and Nate. Neither of these guys have been given much face-time, leading me to believe their Bachelorette-stint will also be short-lived. I'm not sure who chose a cave as the perfect setting for dinner (yikes! How claustrophobic did that look??) but Emily looked as though she'd rather be swimming with sharks than on this date. In the end, Nate got the boot, but that's okay since sources are claiming that not even his real name and he is an actor from Hollywood. Once again, great job, casting department.
Finally at the rose ceremony, Doug and Chris engaged in some contrived banter about Chris' age and his ability/inability to walk into a parenting role. Emily, bless her heart, told Chris H that based on what she's seen so far, all of the drama in the house tends to revolve around two guys: Ryan or Doug. Bravo, Emily! Thank you for seeing people who they are really are.
I haven't talked much about Ryan here, but let's face it - this guy is digging his own grave, one stupid comment at a time. From the "I'd love you but not love on you" comment about her future weight gain to "You are a role model for millions of little girls" (huh??), the boy needs to pull it together. He's a condescending, judgmental jerk that stands about as much of a chance of becoming the next Bachelor as my friend's basset hound. (No offense to JD - he's a great dog - it's just not going to happen). I'm not really clear as to why Emily is keeping him around, though producers may be whispering in her ear that he's the guy America is going to love to hate. And his comments make for entertaining TV.
In the end, it was Charlie (::sniff::), Michael (who??) and Nate who left Bermuda. The kids go to London next week, that tiny town in England that hasn't been in the news at all lately. (Happy Diamond Jubilee!)
So what are your thoughts? When does Doug's mask fall off and we all see him as a green hulk? Does Ryan force Emily to start working out? When is Jef going to make his move? And finally, who calls Ricky Bobby "baggage?" My money is on Kalon aka Christian Grey. Tune in next week!