The Bed Rest Book Club
Share it!
  • Blog
  • About
  • Dining (Vegan and Nonvegan)
  • Running Stuff
  • Recipes!

TV Review: The Bachelorette; You Had Me at Tankless Water Heater

7/12/2011

5 Comments

 
Ah, Ryan. He probably gave this show about 30 seconds of the best TV I've seen in awhile. Going on and on about hot water heaters? On a one-on-one date, no less? Ahh. It was painful and beautiful all at the same time.

Ryan, we will miss you. But we'll get to him in just a second.

Because let's start off with Ashley in Asia. The group is still in Taiwan...now, I don't want to be rude, but...really? Southeastern Asia just doesn't scream to "romance" to me.  And taking public transportation? Ashley and Constantine were forced to take a public train to get to this tiny village, and my only thought was, "Is this because of the recession?" We all know she's the lowest-paid Bachelorette in the show's history (source: USWeekly.) We also know ratings are down, but that wouldn't factor into production's decision. But to make their leading lady schlep with the rest of us commoners? It hurts. Give her a car at the very least, okay?

Transportation issues aside, Ashley and Constantine were scripted, er, I mean, encouraged to write their love wishes on a piece of paper, and then tuck them into a giant paper lantern, which was to be hoisted in the sky. Now again, I hate to be critical, but sending giant flaming ball of paper into the sky...is this safe? I would be afraid the lantern would immediately catch fire and consequently rain down burning ashes onto my little head. I like my hair. I'd like to keep it as smoke-free as possible.

Brian also did not like the lantern bit. He had just joined me on the couch as the red balloon took flight and immediately quipped, "There's a reason why no Asian country has ever ruled the world." He continued in his "Godzilla" voice with, "Hmm...I know! We will conquer them with our flaming balls of paper!"

Yes, this is my husband.

(Jay, I know you are going to have some words with Brian after reading this. Just know this: I didn't say it.)

Constantine admitted he's taking things slowly and you could practically watch Ashley perk up. A challenge! Yes! Smart girls love a challenge! You could watch as the wheels in her little head began to turn. Square peg in a round hole? No problem! Must. Make. It. Work.

Good luck, Ash.

Anyways, then she had a date with Ben, which I'll admit, I mostly tuned it out. He apparently slept over, since he had to do the Walk of Shame the next morning to the guys' hotel. JP couldn't take it and left the room. He's starting to cross the line from "I love you" to "I want you all to myself...forever." Remember JP, there's a fine line between love and obsession. The editors clearly want to paint him in an unflattering light, so they are quick to capture every brow-furrow, every angry look, and every flash of jealousy in his eyes. Quite frankly, I can't blame him (I mean, watching some dude trail in the next morning after spending the night with your woman? Ouch) but at the same time, don't go all Chris Brown on us. ("I'm hitting you because I love you! This is your fault! I love you tooooo muuuuuuuch!")

Then Ashley followed up her Shack Attack with what can only be described as the most ill-conceived group date, ever. I mean, like, ever. Not just in the history of this show, but ever. Because what man wants to PRETEND TO GET MARRIED? Amid two other dudes, no less. Most men I know didn't want to get dressed to get married in the first place - they just did the big wedding thing because they knew their wives wanted it. (Also see: Husband, My). And Ashley thought this would be FUN? Yah...no. Not a bit. She just cemented the fact that while she is intellectually smart, she has about zero social intelligence. In fact (later in the show), as she was saying good-bye to Lucas, her verbal diarrhea sounded a lot like some of the stupid comments people said to me after my dad passed away. Just a whole bunch of nothingness, combined with a know-it-all tone of voice. That's fun. Ashley, stick with dentistry and practice your chair-side manner.

The group date blissfully ended, and JP got the rose. More out of pity than anything, but it was better than giving it to Ames in those silly red jeans, I guess. Ryan was practically jumping out of his skin to finally have some one-on-one time with Ashley, and he used that time well. Um, not. He spent it (as editors would like us to believe) extolling the benefits of the tankless water heater to a very bored looking Ashley. As I told Brian, "I think Ryan would make a great next-door neighbor," and he agreed. Great partner? Not so much. But the man is earnest and allegedly sincere, so you can't hate him too much. Fare thee well, Ryan. You'll probably have the last laugh once you become the Bill Gates of Tankless Water Heaters.

(just remember I was nice to you in this blog!)

Anywho, as mentioned earlier, it was Lucas (no surprise!) who got the ax. And then there were four: Ben, Constantine, JP, and Ames. Personally, I'm holding on to my believe that JP walks away with the girl, but stranger things have happened.

And speaking of strange...Emily? Really? She and Chris took up the last 20 minutes of the show to "speak publicly for the first time about her break-up with Brad." I will hand it to her, resplendent in all shades of taupe, gold, and tan: she was a class-act. She and Brad do not have harsh words for each other, despite the failure of their union. They are not going to resort to Jake-Vienna-like tactics. They made a go of it, and it just didn't work. Sweet Emily was tearful for much of the conversation and her hair was strangely frizzy in the back (anyone else catch that, too?) which makes me believe sShe also said she is tired of the paparazzi, which directly contradicts USWeekly claims that she in the running for the next Bachelorette spot. I guess time will tell.

And I'd imagine Bentley has already filled out his application form.

Thoughts? Comments? 
5 Comments
Jay
7/12/2011 06:25:44 am

Do they even celebrate Christmas in Asia?

Reply
Kim
7/12/2011 06:27:09 am

well...do they??

Reply
Tiffany link
7/12/2011 06:37:12 am

Ryan was/is a tool..I referred to him as Ned Flanders (which is funny since you mentioned he'd be a great neighbor!)I had to fast forward his 30 seconds of incoherent babbling about wanting to find someone, I was embarassed for him! (did he really say he thought she was the "the one" they had spent zero alone time together minus a few stolen moments at the rose ceremonies--where she grilled him about his uber sunny personality?);)

I think you're right she ends up with JP..even though I don't like him either!



Reply
Jay
7/12/2011 07:30:17 am

They do. And let your husband know; we also invented gunpowder to go with those flaming balls of paper.

Reply
Saira
7/12/2011 10:53:19 pm

my sons bill levels were high as well . Can u e mail me so I can ask u a few questions since Scotty had a similar issue at birth. Please do respond at drsairazaheer@hotmail.com

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    About Me

    Think of this as the epilogue to Bridget Jones' story. Well, mostly. Bridget marries the handsome lawyer, starts a blog while on bedrest, and decides marathon running sounds like fun. Bridget goes through a divorce but keeps running. Hilarity ensues. 

    Archives

    September 2020
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    September 2018
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    October 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    March 2015
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010
    September 2010
    August 2010
    July 2010
    June 2010
    May 2010
    April 2010
    March 2010
    February 2010
    January 2010
    December 2009
    November 2009
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009
    June 2009

    Categories

    All
    Adolescence
    Baby Activities
    Baby Care
    Bed Rest
    Book Reviews
    Bravo Tv
    Breast Feeding
    Cool Stuff
    Craftiness
    Craig\'s List
    Dogs
    Emma
    Ethical Dilemmas
    Family
    Family Relationships
    Food
    Football Season
    Friendship
    Google List
    Grief
    Guest Blogger
    Guest Bloggers
    I Hate Our Neighborhood
    Junior League
    Kernicterus
    Milestones
    Motherdhood
    Motherhood
    Movies
    My Bladder
    New House
    Numbers
    Pending Reviews
    Post Partum
    Potty Training
    Potty-training
    Pregnancy
    Relationships
    Reviews
    Running
    Scary Stuff
    School
    Scotty
    Sleep
    Sororities
    Sunshine Cupcakes
    Surgery
    The Bobby
    The Holidays
    The Miracle Blanket
    The New House
    Todderville
    Toddlerville
    Toys
    Tv
    Tv Review
    Tv Reviews
    Unpopular Opinions
    Vegas
    Weight Loss
    Weird Stuff Kim Says
    Work

    RSS Feed

Thanks for reading!