TV Review: \'Top Chef: Masters\' Episodes 1-3

If there is one thing I love as much my husband (and my family), our cat, and good landscaping, it is probably food. I I love everything you can do with food, the infinite combinations you can come up with. I am also drawn to aesthetically pleasing things, and if I'm going to eat food, it better be pretty food. 

For example, I've learned to like meatloaf again (look, Mom! I'm growing up!) but will never make it myself or order at a restaurant for one valid reason: it's ugly. It's grey meat on a plate with brown gravy. Blah.  I like hamburgers, but a good hamburger to me has a toasted, shiny bun, green leafy lettuce tucked under that bun, a thick cut tomato slice, a wedge of purple onion, and a pleasing yellow-ish slice of cheese. I don't even think I like tomatoes that much, but I need red in that color scheme to complete the meal. If you have ever seen me wield a can of whipped cream, you can attest that I like to make perfect little tufts on pie and ice cream. A doughnut with vanilla frosting and sprinkles is a thing of beauty in my world.  I think I might have been a food stylist in another lifetime. 

It's not surprising then that one of my uber-favorite shows is Top Chef on the Bravo channel. As I have said numerous times, it makes the cooks on Hell's Kitchen look like they work at the Waffle House. Top Chef is all about combining flavor, aesthetics, and presentation in a way that is pleasing to the palate as well as the eye. It is the show that taught me about the amuse bouche, the joy of sous vide cooking, and brought the term 'molecular gastronomy' into my vocabulary. I love the close-ups of each dish. Family-style dining  is about as popular as processed cheese; it's all about the plated presentation. Ahh...attention to detail. Love it.

Prior to pregnancy, my Top Chef regime consisted of pouring a glass of either a buttery Chardonnay or a hearty red Zin* into the appropriate stem-ware, slicing a few pieces of Brie or Cambert cheese with an apple or pear (seasonal, of course), and settling on the couch for the night. Of course, those things are now forbidden to me (minus the fruit) so I can't tell if I'm not into 'Top Chef: Masters' because I am missing my favorite snacks or because it's just not really that good this season.

The premise of this season is a little different than seasons past. Instead of amateur chefs competing for $100,000 ("from the Gladd Family of Products"...) with one contestant being sent home each week, now four professional (and rather famous) chefs compete each week to win $10,000 to a charity of their choice. Between the Quickfire Challenge and then the Judge's Challenge, they earn stars based on the quality and presentation of their meals, with 25 total stars up for grabs.  Six chefs will go on to the finale where they will do something...I just don't know what yet. Stay tuned. Sorry, I'm not an insider.

Anyways, we're talking about some HUGE names here - Hubert Keller, Rick Bayless, Wylie Dufrese. Just add Thomas Keller (no relation to Hubert) and Alain Ducasse and I might have rolled off the couch. Rick Bayless, for those of you who don't know, is famous for his Mexican restaurants in Chicago, which just so happens to be a favorite of our current president (woot!). Hubert Keller, James Beard winner in 1997,  owns Fleur di Lys in San Francisco and Vegas. These are like the A-list stars of the culinary world. They are the Brad and Angelina of food.

And, based on where I live, I get to play pretend that I actually know what I'm talking about. The great thing about Vegas is we have knock-offs of lots of these great restaurants; there is a Fleur di Lys, Joel Robuchon, CraftSteak, CUT, Nobhill, Bouchon - I could go on and on - owned by a slew of celebrity chefs, including Wolfgang Puck, Emeril Lagasse, Bobby Flay, the lovely Hubert Keller, of course...if you are into fine dining, Vegas is a bad place for both your waistline and your wallet. You don't need to have any knowledge to dine there, just a credit card and a pleasant dining companion. 

With all of these options, it's not surprising that anniversaries and birthdays are always an adventure in Vegas. Although I don't think I quite cut it as a true foodie (I still consider the Whooper Jr. to be a perfect meal, when it is made correctly), it's fun to experiment. Brian and I have been to many of the above-named restaurants, dropping what amounts to a car payment on delicious, culinary creations that I no longer remember nor could pronounce. I think I'm the only pregnant woman to ever ask for a table at Joel Robuchon as a push present instead of jewelry. Don't worry - I'm insisting on the tasting menu with wine pairing.

So you can imagine my joy when I heard that some of biggest names in the food business were going to duke it out...or at least, what I thought was joy. Instead, three episodes into the season, there is something missing...something feels under-seasoned. We need a splash of an acid, or perhaps a hint of spice to rev up what is turning into a rather anemic display of culinary talent.

First, let's talk about the judges. As the first episode aired, I sat expectantly on the couch, clutching my enormous, hospital-grade water bottle, eating a turkey burger (so boring, I know, but it's safe), ready for Padma to announce the contestants. But...no Padma. A rail-thin woman with an annoyingly high voice named Kelly Choi was hosting the show. Does Padma know about this? was my first thought. And then...they announced the judges. No Tom. Wait - what? No Tom or Padma? And, as it turns out, no Gail, no Toby...nobody familiar.

My heart sank a little. Instead, we have Jay Rayner, Gael Greene, and James Oseland. Uh...who are they? Do any of them have a cool scar on their arm? No. They are allegedly food critics (most of the chefs pale in fear at the sight of Gael Greene and her little bowler hats), but they don't mesh well. Padma, Tom, Gail and Toby, in my opinion, created a flavor profile of criticism: we had sweet (Padma), sour (Tom), bitter (Gail) and salty (Toby). Occasionally, there was a celebrity chef thrown into the mix, adding the fifth element: savory. But now? It's bland, blander, and just plain treachley. Blech.

And the chefs, while fascinating to watch them work, just don't have the same comraderie as the sixteen, hungry contestants, vying for a top spot. Don't get me wrong; I enjoyed watching Hubert Keller rinse macaroni in a college shower, and that French dude brag about his talent only to later fall flat on his oversized ego, but...it just doesn't pop. It is palatable, but not satisfying. Kind of like my giant bottle of water. I drink it because I need to, not because I want to. 

I hope the fourth course is better than the first three.

Grade:  C

* = Looking for a good zinfandel'? Let me recommend anything from the Lodi, California region. According to the sommelier at Fleur di Lys, the rocky soil and dry climate are conducive to growing the best zin grapes. My two favorites are Earthquake Zinfadel and aptly named, The Zin.