I do know this: this episode yielded the greatest 90 seconds of television I've ever seen. I am, of course, talking about the scene with Sookie, Eric, and Alcide by the pond. But we'll get to that later.
First, let's talk about the dangers of draining a fairy. It results in total inebriation, which can be very hazardous to your everyday vampire. Eric was no exception. First he face-planted, then he pinched Sookie's behind, and then he took off running joyously, if not a bit unevenly, through the woods. I'm surprised he didn't attempt to drunk dial former girlfriends or hit up the nearest Bon Temps Denny's for a Grand Slam breakfast. Oh right, vamps don't eat food.
Anyways, Sookie kind of freaked out when Eric ditched her. She called all six-foot-plus of strapping werewolf goodness (aka Alcide) to help her on "official vampire business." He was none to shy about stripping down in front of her (he had to shift, okay? Seriously people, get your minds out of the gutter) and I'll admit, when he took his shirt off, I gasped. This show is starting to reduce me to a gaping 13-year old girl (if I'm not there already.) I mean, seriously? What has Alcide been eating for the past six weeks - apple cores and raw meat? The man's abs are nothing short of amazing. Is there a True Blood workout video available? Because whatever these actors are doing is working. And working well.
Back to the story. Alcide helps Sookie track Eric down to a local pond where he is frolicking naked in the water. Wolf Alcide shifts back to Human Alcide and then all of a sudden, it's Sookie standing with two very naked, very well-built guys. I can only imagine what it was like for Anna Pacquin to film that scene, especially since she's married to Bill Moyer (Vampire Bill) in real life. Talk about awkward. But still, it was the best 90 seconds of TV I've seen in a long time.
Meanwhile, baby Mikey has taken to writing nasty things on his parents' walls. Jason finally escaped the in-bred disgustingness of Hot Shot, only to kill Felton on his way out of town. Crystal stopped him and assured him he would be back, as it is the only place that would accept him now. Here's hoping the blood he drank from Jessica (who found him on the side of the road while driving with Hoyt) helps to combat whatever panther-ness might be going on in his body.
Jesus, Tara, and Layfayette brought Marnie to Pam to reverse the spell on Eric, but it all back-fired on Pam. Marnie had had a vision (dream? nightmare?) earlier of the Witch Within's back story - some type of Inquisition-like burning of a woman, as two men stood by graphically talking about how to kill a witch. (mental note for later in the season, folks). Marnie channeled that inner fire (literally) and cast a spell on Pam that caused her face to rot. We all know Pam takes great pains with her appearance, so this is going to seriously piss her off when she gets to a mirror. Marnie was still completely unaware of her Witch Within and promptly collapsed after the spell, leaving Tara & Co confused but relieved. And Layfayette is still nervous. He might have some residual PTSD from his stint in Eric's dungeon.
I'm not even going to comment on Tommy at this point. I'm bored with that whole storyline. And Sam is hooking up with the pretty shifter, who we learned not only has a kid, but the kid's father is a rather possessive werewolf. Yikes. Watch your back, Sam.
Bill found out that Portia is his great-great-great-great grand daughter, making things kind of icky for both of them. (Was that Mona from "Who's the Boss?"? She looks great.) Sookie and Eric almost shared a snog, but were interrupted by a knock at the door. Bill is still trying to find Eric, but stopped short of pushing his way into Sookie's house after she guilted him into believing her. Gotta hand it to her, those feminine wiles do come in handy at times.
So what did you think? Sookie really seems to be warming up to the Nordic vamp in her house. He's adorable, and yes Deana, he needs some hair product, but other than that, I'm really enjoying Vulnerable Eric. And of course, a side of Alcide isn't too bad either. Here's hoping there are more shirtless scenes for the men in the near future!