I struggled to find something positive to say about this book for several hours this morning...I thought, and thought, and thought...and all I can come up with is this:

The book jacket is a very lovely shade of butter yellow.

That's it. That's all I've got.

And sadly, as we all know, authors usually have very little to do with marketing or cover design, which means Emily Giffin contributed absolutely nothing to the one redeeming aspect of this book.

I'm not even going to try to avoid spoilers in this review; I'm giving it a 'D' - a very solid D - so if you still want to read this horrific piece of literature (and I'm using the term 'literature' very loosely here), it's probably best to stop reading this review now. You've been warned.

Okay, "Baby Proof"...where do I start? It's the story about Claudia Parr, a trendy Manhattan-ite book editor who finds her "soul mate" (strike one) in Ben Davenport, another trendy Manhattan-ite who shares her believe in a child-free life. The two meet, date, and marry within a span of seven months, and all seems well for this up-and-coming twosome. Well, okay until Ben changes his mind and decides he wants kids after all. Claudia, who clearly lacks any kind of negotiating/mediating skills (or heck, just any basic communication skill or logic), disagrees with her husband and promptly divorces him. Like, within the span of twenty pages (and from what I can glean, about 7-8 months of real time). She gets the best divorce attorney in all of Manhattan and promptly leaves her "soul mate" in the dust, determined to continue leading her child-free existence without any guilt or shame.

Before anyone gets mad at me, I'm not knocking this book because it's about a woman who wants to lead a child-free life. Not at all. In fact, I give major credit to women who realize what they want and aren't afraid to go after it (and buck some of society's expectations in the process.) Making the decision to bring another person into this world is probably the biggest decision a person/couple can make, and should not be taken lightly. Brian and I talked about it at length (i.e. months and months), with concerns about over-taxing our already taxed planet (me), bringing a child into this chaotic, unrelenting, unforgiving world (me), and the financial obligations a child would bring (him). Like I said, it's huge decision and for those that opt out, kudos to you. There is no shame in that decision.

However, for Claudia, her reasons included not being able to sleep in and not be able to take spontaneous vacations. Um, okay. I can still dig that. No juddgement. No, my absolute disgust of this novel comes when she makes quick decisions without thinking of the outcomes (i.e. the divorce), her lack of sympathy for her sister who actually does want kids but is unable to (strike two), and her relief - yes, relief - when her best friend miscarries a child she desperately wanted (strike three, four, five to one million infinity).

Why was she relieved, you ask? Because her friend, the friend Claudia had been staying with since the divorce, was sleeping with a married man. And despite her friend's amazing wealth, kick-ass Manhattan stock broker job, and complete acceptance of becoming a single mother, little Claudia didn't want a baby to interfere with their friendship.  After all, babies change everything.

I'm not sure if Emily Giffin set out to make Claudia one of the most dis-likable characters in modern literature (only a close second to Lord Voldemort), but she succeeded. There is nothing redeemable about Claudia and her self-serving, self-centered attitude. If Ms. Giffin intended Claudia to be a sympathetic character or heroine, well, she has a very twisted view on life. Again, I fear for the generation of readers who pick up this book and think this kind of behavior is not only acceptable, but 'cool.'

I also want to comment on the entire lack of originality of these books (by "these," I'm talking about the trifecta of chick lit authors - Laura Weisenberg, Sophie Kinsella, and Giffin). All of their characters are pretty and stylish. Most have kick-ass jobs in big cities like Manhattan, LA, or London. All have great families that live outside said city that offer great support and thoughtful advice. Chick lit, in my opinion, marginalizes women and creates this false level of expectation. If you aren't carrying the right bag with the right shoes, clearly your self-worth is suffering. Also, I want to point out: you know there is a problem when the movie ("Devil Wears Prada") is better than the book. Can't we, as readers, demand material that does not fixate on clothing and trendy Manhattan locations but instead thoughtful character interaction and thematic originality?

Anyways, Claudia engages in all kinds of anti-baby behavior, including getting involved in an office romance with a chronic bachelor. She eventually comes to see the err in her ways (what? I didn't see THAT coming!) and miraculously, she and Ben reconcile in the end. Big whoop. And, in true chick lit form, Ms. Giffin gift wraps the ending and hands it to readers with a big bow on top: the best friend ends up happy and with the right guy and the sister finally gets the baby she has wanted for so long. Perfect, perfect, perfect. And a total slap in the in the face to most (intelligent) readers.

Vomit.

This book offered no additional knowledge in my life prior to its completion. I am no smarter for reading it. It offered no additional insight, thought, or meaning in my life. In fact, it just made me angry.

And (since I seem to be on a roll right now), let's talk about Ms. Giffin's writing style. While 'The Memory Keeper's Daughter' was a feast of words, and 'In the Woods' struck the right balance of description and action, 'Baby Proof' is seriously lacking on both fronts. Description was sparse and the writing was rapid-fire action without much thought or feeling behind it. As Brian would say, "There's not a lot of chicken on that bone."  This book is a bare, bleached bone of printed material.

Not to mention, the lack of attention to detail just makes the novel sloppy. I HATE sloppy. At one point, Claudia mentions something about a present an ex-girlfriend sent to Ben during their "first year of dating." Huh? You met and married him within seven months. You didn't date for a year. This happens several times though out the novel, particularly in regards to their friends, Annie and Ray and their baby.  Ben and Claudia's divorce doesn't coincide with the baby's growth or the seasons.  They seem to exist in separate universes where time is not a factor. This screams to me poor writing and worse editing.

The only way I feel I can end this review adequately is with a quote from "Billy Madison" (tweaked, of course, to fit the subject matter):

"Ms. Giffin, what you've just written is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent book were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

Grade:  D

My favorite characters are still alive!

My sister and her husband just called to tell me that while out book shopping, they not only found 'In the Woods' but also the follow-up novel, 'The Likeness.' Ironically enough, the first chapter of 'The Likeness' follows 'In the Woods' in my copy, but I just never read that far ahead.

'The Likeness' is still first-person narrative but is from Cassie's point of view, not Rob's. As Kelly read me the back of the book jacket, it appears that it takes place six months after 'In the Woods' ended.  I read the first chapter and like it so far. Looks like Brian is going to the book store tonight...

I'm a little sad that Rob isn't narrating. Here's hoping he makes an appearance in the novel...okay, okay, I admit, I do have a bit of a crush on Rob. I know it's probably unhealthy (just call me Jillian), but I really liked him. I hope he comes back.

Thank you, Kelly and Jake! You totally made my night. :-)

Okay, folks, listen to me carefully.

Run - don't walk - to read this book.

Run. Run fast!

If you are in a book club, "In the Woods" needs to be your next selection. If you are a person that only reads one book a year, make this your yearly book.

This book was so good, I was tempted to chew on the binding. (Paper has been sounding good to me lately - maybe pregnancy-related? Pica, anyone?) Also, I cried when it ended, not because of the content, but more because I was not yet ready to say good-bye to the characters. They truly felt like old friends.  I've only felt this way about two books in the past - "I Know This Much is True" by Wally Lamb, and the first Harry Potter book. Thankfully, Dominick & Co. reappeared in Lamb's most recent novel, "The Hour I First Believed" and J.K. Rowling was kind enough to give us six more Harry installments. I don't know if Ms. French will continue the characters of Rob Ryan and Cassie Maddox, but here's hoping...

What, you are asking, is this wonderful book about? Oh, child murder. Possible child sex crimes. Abduction. Grief. Loss. Survivor guilt. You know, fun stuff. If there is a way to make child murder upbeat (much like a comedy about the Holocaust), Ms. French has done it masterfully. "Upbeat" is probably too positive of a word, but considering the subject matter, the novel is written in such a quick, quirky manner, I found myself giggling through various parts. It's in first-person narrative, which helps, the main character has such a sarcastic wit to him, it's hard to not smile.

Within the first five pages, readers learn that Adam Rob Ryan is not your usual Irish detective. At the age of twelve, he and his two best friends went into the woods to play one night near their suburban Dublin homes, but only child came out. Adam was found by police hours later, clinging to a tree, nearly catatonic, with his sneakers full of blood. Police were never able to solve the crime, and the other two children were never found. The mystery of what happened that night haunts him to present day, despite his attempts to keep his past a secret.

Now at the age of 32, while working on the Murder squad, Adam (now Rob) and his partner Cassie find themselves working on a child murder case in the exact same wooded area that Rob's friends disappeared. Everyone is a suspect; the little girl's highly dysfunctional family, the archeological crew that was working on a dig in the woods, the politicians who want to pave over the woods and build a new motorway, mysterious men wearing dark tracksuits that were seen in the area. The murdered little girl's father is head of the organization to stop the motorway from being built, making him (and his family) the perfect target for overzealous city council members and their agenda. And most importantly, is there a link between what happened to Rob's friends and present day?

I don't want to give too much away, because the ending really does satisfy. Ms. French could have made this is into a classic 'who-dunnit' novel, and it still would have been a solid read. But she goes farther than that. She explores the adorably platonic relationship between Rob and Cassie.  She highlights what it must be like for Rob, the only living survivor of a hideous crime (yet with no memory it) to exist in everyday society, his secret just barely below the surface. And best of all, she describes in what I considered near-perfect detail what it is like to work in a shadowy, murky job yet at the end of the day, be able to let go of work stress and be, well, normal. 

That last part is what really hit home for me. While police work is clearly different than therapy, there is still a lot of overlap. Unless you work (or have worked) in those fields, it's almost impossible to describe what it's like to come home and make a salad for dinner after witnessing a marriage blow up in your face, only hours early. Or to fold laundry after spending the day with a convicted juvenile sex offender who told you in ludicrious detain the extent of his crimes. There is such a fine line between the commonplace and obscene; yet, if you aren't exposed to it on a regular basis, it's easy to forget the obscene exists, or exists only in movies and literature.

What is more interesting is that unless you have worked in those fields, it's nearly impossible to understand what it is like to carry around that kind of information. Burnout in both fields is very high, and for good reason. When still in practice, there were times when I would find myself looking over my dinner at Brian, grilled chicken speared on my fork, desperately trying to pay attention to what he was saying while my mind wandered back my own day. Bipolar patient hospitalized. Adolescent girl still cutting. Depressed patient not responding to medication. Life doesn't stop just because you had a bad day, but it is hard when someone's worst day is your everyday.

Fellow therapist and co-worker Claudia and I used to commiserate over some of the more random things we'd hear in session. In an effort to better understand our clients, we spent tons of time researching their lifestyles and habits. Swinging. S&M. Diaper fetish. Pirates. And my personal favorite: furbies. (don't ask).We joked that if the FBI ever confiscated our computers, we'd have a lot of explaining to do.

If you don't have good support, it's enough to make a person go mad. That's why the relationship between Rob and Cassie comes across as so genuine to me; they work in this crazy world that no one else can even imagine.

The novel is well-written without being pretenious. While "The Memory Keeper's Daughter" was fairly heavy-handed with use of imagery, "In the Woods" is a much easier read but with the same depth and complexity. Ms. French also captures the world of modern Ireland brillantly without the use of stereotypes or excessive slang.

Overall, this has been one of the most satisfying books I've read all summer. I am dying to talk to someone else about it, so if you get a chance, read it. Then call me so we can discuss.

Grade: A+